Neighbours angry at DS for snapping back and daughter’s homophobia - hypocrisy??

Agree there's no excuse for the homophobia and I've said as much. She should have apologised and I'd be having stern words with my 8 year old if I heard him talking like that.

Can't agree with you that she deserves to be called a bitch and considering the maturity gap I'd be much more concerned about the attitudes of the 13 year old boy in this instance. Going straight to bitch when a girl upsets you (though I quite agree he was justified in being upset) is disgraceful.

And zero excuse for homophobia from a 8 year old,none. If it was overheard in school it would quite rightly be dealt with and severely by the time she reaches high school. Have heard the word bitch used by primary aged girls countless times.

I think there's a bit of a blind spot here around what 8 year old girls can be like. They are not 'little kids' - she is not a toddler. Having raised two girls through primary school, I can say some of their peers could be downright vicious and unpleasant, and at that age I would expect them to understand and not use homophobic language. Children that age absolutely do understand about these things unless they are ridiculously wrapped in cotton wool.

I think it's a lesson for her - not to dish it out if you can't take it back. For all the pearl clutching here, he called her a bitch. Yes, she was probably shocked and upset, but hopefully she'll learn to correct her attitude around homophobic language. If her parents don't insist on pretending she did nothing wrong.

Do I think his language was ok? No... but you have accepted your son did wrong and asked him to apologise. A shame your neighbours can't see the fault on their own side.

Very unlikely this 8 year old girl is calling other girls bitches and you have no reason to believe that she is, so this is completely irrelevant anyway. Do you think boys who call girls bitches are checking whether their targets have been using the word themselves before they decide whether they deserve it?

It's absolutely crazy to me that you don't understand why misogyny is worse from a male, but in any case there's absolutely no excuse for a teenage boy to be using misogynistic language to an 8 year old girl.

No I don’t actually. Women that use the term are vicious and I see it a lot, dropped into conversations willy nilly. Don’t like it being used then don’t use it yourself.

That is a strange post on a thread about a 13 year old boy calling a little girl a bitch. I appreciate you don't know him in real life but you've 'come across' him here as that's literally what this conversation is about.

Not that I think it's good for women and girls to use misogynistic language to each other, but surely you do understand why it's different and much more serious when boys and men do it?

To an 8 year old girl?

He has not chosen his homosexuality! Attitudes like yours show why gay men who grow up in a world where they are abused for being who they are die by suicide at between 2 and 4 times the rate that their straight peers do. This boy needs to be cherished and supported to navigate a world where he will be abused and denigrated for being himself and set upon by a platoon of MN homophobes when he understandably overreacts to the abuse.

What a charmer! I don't really understand the big deal with what the 8 year old said, so your DS's reaction was way over the top and melodramatic to refuse to apologise. It is unreasonable to expect small children to understand choices he's made about his sexuality. They can be ignorant of such things and rightly so in my opinion.

Why can a 13 year old not talk about his crushes FFS?

No, he comes off much worse here. Is he always talking about crushes and boys?

I’d imagine this anger and attitude is why he struggles with friends too, not his sexuality.

It’s funny as the only children calling girls bitches that I come across are girls but that’s ok, as is homophobia apparently.

He called a little child a bitch. Jesus Christ, his misogyny is showing. So she either didn't use the right language because she is small, or at worst, very mildly teased him, so he got aggressive with her. She dented his pride and ego, so he booted off.
I wouldn't want him anywhere near my daughters either

All those saying 11 -13 is too young to be talking about crushes/who we fancy.
Really?! I definitely remember talking with my mates discussing which boys we fancied when I was 12, even 11 in the 1980s!
(I'm a straight female) Did nobody else really talk about crushes at that age?!
I agree with the poster that said the 8 year old needs educating, I'd have been mortified if my child had come out with that. Just to say in age appropriate terms that it's not nice to call people names and laugh at them like that, and that some people are gay and there's nothing wrong with that if so.
The 13 year old boy, I get he was upset but that's an absolutely unacceptable way to talk to a child too.
He needs telling in no uncertain terms as well not to do that again.

Outside of MN most people don't see "bitch" as vile misogyny and see it as a slightly less mild insult

yes it is. referring to a girl as a bitch is misogynistic

Just because you chose to ignore misogyny doesn't make it so

It's not though

I never said it was OK to call her names, I've said he reacted badly. But it's not misogynistic

There quite literally are several people excusing it and saying she's only 8 so she can't be homophobic

Just because you chose to ignore it doesn't make it so

of course he was. calling an 8 year old girl a bitch is misogynistic whether you want to admit that or not. just because you think its okay to call a young girl a bitch doesn't mean its not misogynistic

and no, there aren't multiple people excusing her homophobia because she's 8. there are people say she's needs educating. thats not excusing it

however there are multiple people excusing his misogyny including you.

Whereas hearing 13 yo boys talk about the “crushes” they have is generally hormone fuelled, sexually orientated and very misogynistic from what I’ve had the misfortune to overhear!

He wasn't being misogynistic though

And there are multiple people excusing her homophobia because she's only 8

not one fucking person has actually said homophobia is okay because she's "only 8" however multiple people including yourself seem to think misogyny is okay because OPs son is gay. its really quite sad how misogynistic posters on this thread are

Did you go to school in the 80s/90s? Obviously I don't want you to go into details, it'd just be interesting to know - because if you did, we've got Section 28 law to thank for that.
We weren't "allowed" to know anything.
It was just a slur to throw around at people as "stuff like that" was frowned upon for want of a better phrase.