AIBU to be annoyed my boss keeps calling my parents?

A boss did this to me when I was in my early 20s to see if I would swap a shift. I then had my mother calling me non stop as it was a WORK EMERGENCY 🙄 really pissed me off. I would not accept this now in my late 30s and would tell said boss never to do it again or I’d go to HR

I absolutely would contact an emergency contact if they were substantially late for work and not answering their phone. Especially for team members who I believe to live alone/without another adult.

People get taken ill/fall down the stairs etc.

Obviously this doesn’t apply if they’ve called me to say they are off sick/childcare emergency. Just missing for unknown reason.

Did she used to call your partner in the same way when they were your emergency contact?

Just tell the boss unfortunately your parents know nothing about your job so he won't get any joy there. Is he mad by the way?.

Email her
copy in HR

Ypur mother is not to be contacted for any reason other than an emergency

how does she know your mother is not ill or in hospital?

Block her number on their phone(s).

Your boss is massively out of order for ringing your emergency contact to change your shifts or if you're slightly late. That's not what it's for and I would complain to HR about it.

However, if you don't show up to work, don't call in, and your boss has repeatedly tried to contact you for a couple of hours with no response, then it's appropriate to call your emergency contact to see if they know what's happened to you.

One of my friends lived alone. One Sunday night she had an accident in the house, couldn't reach the phone and none of her neighbours could hear her calling for help. Obviously she missed work and wasnt answering her phone. Her work didn't raise the alarm until Tuesday evening when they called for a wellness check and she was eventually found after almost 3 days. Another colleague of mine was involved in car accident on her way to work and nobody raised the alarm that she hadn't arrived. It was late in the afternoon that her mum called the office to inform us she was badly hurt and in hospital.

Since those incidents I've always made a point of ensuring someone checks on any colleagues if they no show and don't call for more than a few hours. It's not about disciplining lateness - i would just hate somebody to die or suffer life changing injuries from my lack of action.

This!

Yes, if they didn't call in. Employers have a duty of care towards their employees. If someone didn't arrive at work, and no one heard from them and they weren't answering their phone, then a call to the emergency contact is justifiable.

A man at my husband's place of work didn't arrive for work. He never called in, and he wasn't answering his phone. A call to his emergency contact, altered them, that there was something wrong. This particular man had left for work in the morning, his wife waved him off, before going to work herself. He'd had a heart attack whilst riding his bicycle to work...and sadly passed away.

Then be a grown up and either turn up for your shifts or if you feel you are going to be late even 5 minutes call your manager yourself. Also tell your manager they have no right to call people unless it is an emergency as that is a ridiculous breach.

Massively not ok. Up to you how to handle it HR if they have it, hysterical mother ringing every hospital within 100 miles then calling manager back hyperventilating with heart pain. Seriously OP not ok.

Email your boss and state that the purpose of your mums number being shared was for emergency situations, and provide a definition of what that means to you. Note that they should contact you and leave a VN on your non working days if they wish to discuss shifts, and stop calling your parents who are left in a state of shock and worry each time they see your number calling them.

If they continue, start to go down the gdpr misuse of personal data route and raise a grievance with HR.

Tell her not to!

But how would anyone have known about the situation without calling first?

It's not ok to call about day to day eg shift rosters.

It's imperative to call if staff do not show when expected and are uncontactable. Many reasons including living alone and being too injured to reach the phone, have a mental health episode or being injured during their transit to work. I know someone who was hit by a bus on their way to work.

Missed start time is a check in with staff to see if there's an issue. By the third unresponded contact, get a more senior person to call. Still no contact, usually 4+ hrs after expected and sufficient time to have called in, contact emergency contact. I had an incident with a contractor where the agency didn't have their emergency contact details, so a police welfare check was done - that was more like 4pm after the agency had tried to reach them as well.

You get very worried if something is out of character and you can't reach the person. I've said to my staff after that incident, all I need is a message to say "something has happened and I won't be in today." I won't harass them but I won't worry either. I have a duty of care to my staff to ensure they are safe and that includes during their commute.

Yes I know that, and have made that clear in my responses. I am responding to multiple posters saying the emergency contact number isn’t for when someone doesn’t show for work. It is.

@Zanatdy but the OPs situation wasn't that she hadn't turned up to work.
She was being called on her day off to ask if she'd change her shift.
That's not an emergency.

In my place it’s held by the line manager. I can also access that information for staff in my command. We are a huge organisation, and managers need access incase of employees not showing up / not responding. I guess it’s fairly normal to have that info, but it is a data breach to abuse that info, which has been done here.

Sincerely hope that many posters here are not managers if they’d only contact emergency services if they didn’t show for several days. WTF. If you don’t show up for work, don’t contact your manager and don’t reply to several messages, we are calling your emergency contact. I always say if no response in 30 mins i’ll contact your emergency contact, then they reply (only say that if not replied to first 1-2 messages). Leaving is several days is terrible, and you’d certainly be failing in your job as a manager.

But that’s exactly what the emergency number is for. If you can’t get hold of the emergency contact, you can contact the police. We had this happen a few times. The emergency contact is there for exactly that reason if someone doesn’t show up for work and isn’t responding to messages. We had this happen last week, and due to other information we were aware of, contacted the police.

That’s a managers job and why the emergency contact exists. Using it to ask to work another shift is not appropriate use of that information.

I shouldn't need to read your follow up posts. And still haven't.
If you read it right the first time you'd not have posted the drivel in the first place and wouldn't have to follow it up or attempt to passive aggressively repost what I said in defence... 🤷‍♀️

Good day to you.

I think you'll find lots of company policies do use emergency contacts when someone hasn't turned up for work and hasn't replied to direct contact. Whether you agree or not is a different question but I know in plenty of places they do say to ring an emergency contact when someone doesn't show to work on day 1.

I had a colleague who had not turned up for work and wasn't answering calls - but it was assumed she was just unreliable, nobody called and someone else covered. She had taken her own life and was found by her daughter.

If it's a case of basically going missing like that, then the manager should seek permission to contact the emergency number as an unusual step, for a welfare check.

Of course a responsible person who could call, would call in to let people know they weren't coming.

But if it's a general query like calling you when you're off duty to see if you can work extra then absolute no no.

Tell your manager first - 'please don't call my family for anything other than a genuine emergency as it's a breach of gdpr to use a number for anything other than the purpose it was gathered for. Seeing your work number come up frightens her as she has a shock thinking something has happened. Please don't do it again.'

(Is your mum quite elderly?)

Put it in a formal email to the manager then you have an evidence trail should you need to go to HR if she persists.

YANBU it should be for emergencies only, not stuff like they could not get hold of you to talk about a shift change etc.