6yo completely loses the plot after TV/tablet use, what do I do?

To make it work you need to be consistent. Every single day.

Here's the site I was talking about. I instantly when first looking noticed a lot of modern shows are high on the stimulation ranking

https://tvtantrum.com/

Timers are your best friend with this age group. My youngest children know when the timer goes TV time or any screen time is over. They respect it. Youngest is suspected autistic.

Is she watching short form content on TV on YouTube or is it actual programmes on CBeebies/CBBC etc as we used to as children? It may well be that the content is overstimulating if the former.

Id love a study into whether the high level of tablet/phone use plays a part. Obviously theres better diagnosis/more awareness but I think screen use is also a factor

OP take the blinking tablet away, a 6 year old does not need a tablet. School if shes using it will be controlled use, using it for an educational activity

You are the parent, remove the bloody thing, a 6 year old does not need a tablet

Tv - there was a very interesting website which I cant remember the link/name of - it ranked children's tv shows in terms of how high stimulation they were. Modern shows featured at the top a lot. Including modern versions of things like Fireman Sam.

I watched one of them out of interest and it was so bloody frantic

For TV id suggest finding an older, gentler show, or one of the low stimulation shows and only using them

Time to be a parent though in regards to the bloody tablet, a 6 year old does not need one. Remove it completely

You've dug your grave, now you've got to lie in it. Your child is reacting like that because they've been exposed to devices way too early and can't cope with them being taken away. TV is ok, but it's proven that mobiles and tablets have a different effect. When a child is given a mobile device to shut them up then this is what you get.

Does the same thing happen if she's watching it on the actual TV? I find with my DD6 that she can certainly behave similarly to this but it tends to be worse if she's watching something on a phone and worse with particular types of programmes. Films generally better than TV programmes, I think because the pace and unfolding of the story is usually slower.

With my kids I’ve noticed a definite hump from the ages of about 6-8 in screen use where they just want to do it all the time. It’s then waned naturally after that. Not sure why but I do wonder if there’s something developmental about it.

My two older kids (6 and 9 now) were like this from about age three and so we have really limited screen time. They don't have tv during the week and at the weekend it's limited to a particular time, they all have to choose/compromise on what to watch and tbh I prefer them to watch a movie as they don't get as hooked as they do on short series. They watch extra if we are sitting down as a family to watch something together like gladiators, race around the world, sports etc. None of them have a tablet.

I sound like a fun sponge but genuinely had no strong options about tv/screens. But their behaviour immediately after was enough to make me limit it.

Edited to say I found The Anxious Generation useful on why this happens and how to give them some tv/what type of tv

Ye it’s realistic. I just took away all iPads about 5 years ago for the same reasons. Bliss ever since.

YouTube is very addictive, especially if she's scrolling shorts and getting a dopamine hit from it. It's addictive for adults let alone children who have less control even! So definitely no more YouTube, and I'd curate her Netflix viewing too. If they're watching for 45 mins that's about 4 kids shows pr half a film, can easily help choose it or get them to choose in advance and stick to it.

This is to do with the big dopamine hit we get from watching screens, I attended a talk with a child psychologist a while ago and this is one of the things he discussed. It makes it very hard to suddenly turn off a screen and lose that hit. He suggested a bridging activity, after a fair amount of warnings the screen would be going off ofc, was needed.

The bridging activity should also offer some level of stimulation, doesn't have to be crazy- with my boys sometimes it is "time to turn the telly off now, race you upstairs" or "time to turn the telly off, let's go play pirates and I'm immediately baddy pirate trying to catch them". It really does work, maybe have a Google as I'm probably not explaining well but the dopamine is the issue.

My five year old is the same with screens, her behaviour deteriorates massively.

DC have never been allowed iPads anyway, but I reduced tv watching to something strictly social or in the language DC are learning about 7 months ago.

It was a rocky transition at first, but I promise it’s absolutely fine and behaviour all-round is so much better. Also she’s found some more ‘interesting’ imaginative things to do which has been lovely to see.

I absolutely promise she’s not ‘behind’ in any way, they use screens way more than I’d like at school. She still knows her way around an iPad, despite never having been allowed one at home!

Yes it is realistic to take the screen away in this day and age - she is 6 and you are the adult - parent her and remove the screens they are clearly doing her no good

I don’t allow YouTube.

the format is shite. Hours of cbbc is at least quality

Also a young relative has ADD and was brought up without any screens.

if you have adhd tendencies or actual adhd it can be a harder thing to manage.

I teach children with send and weirdly a few with severe diagnosed adhd who have meds don’t like screens or watch much. One can’t concentrate enough.

Did you punish her for battering her sister and her behaviour?

They’re on screens far to much but accept coming off when I say so. And we have days with none or very little in the hols and weekends. (Others are a disaster and I feel like it’s all bloody day!)

Tell her she’s shown you she’s not old enough to go on it because she debt gone off it.

practise short stints with a timed warning to come off OR when this game is finished.

praise and support.

this is an executive function and emotional regulation diffultiy that she won’t get unless you actively teach it.

if she tantrums you calmly explain again this is how younger children act and when she learns to be able to come off a screen she is able to go on a screen.

i did this with both kids, first went through this aged 3 with tv. Second was still prone to it recently and he’s 8. First definitely has much better emotional regulation skills. Even as heading into teens. Second is getting there.

About banning screens: I have considered it but I think there are also negatives. Some kids TV is good: we have a lot of discussions in our house about situations that came up in Bluey, or strategies for handling emotions from Superkitties. Also idk about other parents but I’m a single parent and there are sometimes, maybe once a month, situations like an evening work zoom where it can work out well for kid to use that time to watch a movie, and otherwise I’d need a paid babysitter as he would find it hard to play independently with no interaction for over an hour. Yes we hike and read books and do a million wholesome activities - I just think it’s not all or nothing.

If it helps for comparison for a not all-or-nothing policy: my 6yo also has a hard time ending TV use. What worked for me: TV shows only, not random short YouTube videos. He can watch one 22 minute episode each evening - after he is already in PJs and teeth brushed so there is nothing left to argue about after, and he knows I won’t consent to another episode. He can lose part or all of his TV time for bad behaviour. On Fridays which are a half day in school in our country he can have extended tv time if he does his chores first, so could watch a kids movie if he wants. We also have a weekend no TV day.

I think that what helps him the most to finish his TV time is having it very clear and consistent from the outset exactly how much TV he will get (in terms a 6yo can “feel”: how many episodes not how many minutes), so he doesn’t feel like I’m dragging him away.

Jeez I didn't know six year.olds went on YouTube. What a time to be alive

I was uber anal about screens and 2 of mine have ADHD. My mum was brought up and had no TV until she was 30 and has ADHD. Lots of ND people get fixated by screens. Hence a correlation. Screen use often ascerbates behaviours but doesn't cause neurodiversity.

For gods sake just take the screens away. This is so simple. Be a parent.

@TheJuryIsOut you should Dopamine Kids. Explains EXACTLY why she is flipping out and yes, YouTube is terrible. You also can absolutely do no screens. DD is almost 8 and only gets a screen on a long haul flight or 3+ hour car journey. And then only pre downloaded films, no games etc.

"If you can't stop X, then you can't start X"

Simple principle for everything that kids can refuse to stop. Keep repeating it, and stick to it. If she kicks off when stopping, next time she can't start.

Most kids will promise that they won't get angry when stopping next time, but it will take a few cycles until they really learn the action-consequence cycle, and it becomes ingrained "I must be ok with stopping, so that I can start next time"