Page 6 | Why is life so unfair

MyFastZebra · 2026-07-07T13:31:40+00:00

Does anyone think about this? I just think sometimes that I never had a chance. I was born into a bad family. My father was cruel when I knew him, then he abandoned us and refused to pay maintenance. So I grew up in poverty. My mother brought us up but was abusive to me. My mother's parents were dead. My fathers parents had nothing to do with ne. My aunts and uncles were all horrible to me. I had not one person. I remember crying and crying as a child. I'm quite spiritual and I used to meditate as a child. I remember during meditation hearing a voice saying "even if no one else loves you, if you love yourself you'll be ok". But I haven't been ok. My life has been nothing but struggle. Worse, is the terrible feeling of being alone. I don't have one person. I look around and I see people going for dinner with aunts , having a great relationship with grandparents. It upsets me. I'm 42 now and I feel sad that all my young life is gone. I never enjoyed my teens or twenties as it was a struggle just to survive. I look at some teenagerss i know now and they are so well supported by parents, grandparents . Their families pay for holidays. I'll never experience the joy of being an 18 year old teenager going on holiday with my friends. At 18 I had huge burdens and responsibilities. It's just all so unfair. And the unfairness of it is driving me mad. Why couldnt I have had one person that cared about me. Why did I have to have such a tough life. Why do other people have easy lives and other people have tough lives. I look at children in the news who are similar to me. They only usually make the news when they are murdered. Preston Davey. There are countless other children who being neglected and unloved. Why is life so unfair. Why does it have to be such a struggle. Any thoughts?

Blueseudeshoes · 07/07/2026 19:22

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:18

I'm going to try to be in nature more. Nature is very peaceful

This is a wonderful idea, and my go to if I need a pick me up!

nature really is a massive help

GreyCarpet · 07/07/2026 19:22

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:18

I'm going to try to be in nature more. Nature is very peaceful

That helps me too. It's a really good idea.

Henhipster · 07/07/2026 19:21

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 14:45

I haven't included all of my abuse in my OP. But yes I was also sexually assaulted over a long time like many abused children are.

The point is that Preston Davey suffered severe cruelty and sexual abuse. And also a lack of love. It made me upset thinking of him, thinking of myself and thinking of other people I know who went through horrible lives. It's just awful

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I think historical context is very useful when considering one’s life. I had a horrible childhood but my goodness ow I’m older, and I reflect, when I think of the random luck I had in being born in England in the latter part of the 20th century I thank the universe.
Who knows what is the purpose of life? I am so grateful for the fact I’m not a starving peasant, a child climbing up a chimney or having limbs ripped off in machines or living through war. Try to acknowledge your luck and make your life worthwhile by making a difference rather than see the negatives.

Blueseudeshoes · 07/07/2026 19:21

I’m sorry to hear of the awful troubled life you have been through, I didn’t have nearly half the pain it sounds like you have but it wasn’t all smooth sailing either, still far from it!

I do try my best not to let it consume me though, I quite literally have to force the happiness and motivation some days, fake it until you make it sort of mind set.
because we all deserve to feel peace, happiness and love and sometimes were the only person who can make ourselves feel that way!

Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:18

I'm going to try to be in nature more. Nature is very peaceful

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Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:17

Beachtastic · 07/07/2026 19:15

Not sure if this is relevant, but:

If you're in the NHS, find another job

If you're in London, leave

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Thanks! I'm not in NHS. But I do need to get another job. It's hard to know what job is full of bullies until you're in one. My last job, I had a lovely manager. In the job before that, I had a bully. Now I'm back with a difficult manager. Sigh

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Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:15

Uricon2 · 07/07/2026 19:10

@MyFastZebra , from everything you've written here I think you need a very honest conversation with your doctor, with a view to accessing real help. Noone should live in misery and although services are not currently what they should be, you need IRL support and help.

Thanks for your advice though

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Beachtastic · 07/07/2026 19:15

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:10

Re bullying at work. No it's not me. My boss is just a bully. Several other people have reported her for bullying them. She gets away with it

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Not sure if this is relevant, but:

If you're in the NHS, find another job

If you're in London, leave

Beachtastic · 07/07/2026 19:13

You don't need loonies like Teal Swan in your life.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teal_Swan

My best friend at school had a nervous breakdown at uni and was recruited by godsquadders who for some reason back in those days (1980s) were allowed to trawl the mental health units looking for easy targets.

She recovered to some extent but was forever rendered odd by the evangelical cults she was recruited into.

You have your own answers OP. Just listen a bit more closely.

Teal Swan - Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teal_Swan

Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:12

Uricon2 · 07/07/2026 19:10

@MyFastZebra , from everything you've written here I think you need a very honest conversation with your doctor, with a view to accessing real help. Noone should live in misery and although services are not currently what they should be, you need IRL support and help.

I've done that loads of times though and they just either don't listen or advise me to go for therapy. And every therapist I've been to has been so unhelpful. Really awful.

Or they put me on anti depressants. I felt really spaced out the last time I was on anti depressants and I couldn't remember anything. I need to remember things in my job

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Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:10

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 07/07/2026 19:04

My circumstances were very similar to yours. And as a child, there was nothing that I could do about it. But as an adult, my life belonged to me and I wasn’t going to spend it being miserable, wishing I’d had a lovely family and that monsters didn’t exist, and worrying about things that I couldn’t change or that hadn’t happened. I try and see the positive in everything. Or at the very least, find something positive in everything day. So today you could say that you connected with people on here, and that’s a good thing. Tomorrow it might be that you had a great cup of tea. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. It’s about changing your mindset from nothing good ever happening, to positive things happening every single day.

I generally feel like I'm useless at everything. That comes from always being treated like I was useless How do you express this feeling? Do you think this could be why you’re feeling bullied at work? Maybe you’re not being bullied because people see you as weak (because you very clearly aren’t weak, having gone through all of that). Could it maybe be that your colleagues have just lost patience with you if you’re constantly feeling a bit sorry for yourself and being negative about everything? I think some people struggle having patience with people when they have an attitude that they’re useless at everything and just hopeless and that it’s no wonder when things don’t work out because nothing ever goes right for them. And then the person who is struggling then feels even worse because everyone around them is irritated by them. It’s very draining being around someone who is just so negative about themselves all the time. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy because the more the struggling person is pushed away, the more negative they feel about themselves.

I’m not sure you’re in the right headspace to be inspiring or helping children right at this second. You’re still young enough so that all of that can happen in the future, but inspiring kids isn’t about disclosing any of what happened to you. It’s about encouraging them to see their own potential. And how are you going to teach them how to see theirs when you can’t see yours? I mean this so kindly, but I think you need to slow down a bit and maybe focus on you before worrying about anyone else. And maybe you could start with adults? Something like volunteering for the Samaritans?

Show quote history

Re bullying at work. No it's not me. My boss is just a bully. Several other people have reported her for bullying them. She gets away with it

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Uricon2 · 07/07/2026 19:10

@MyFastZebra , from everything you've written here I think you need a very honest conversation with your doctor, with a view to accessing real help. Noone should live in misery and although services are not currently what they should be, you need IRL support and help.

babyproblems · 07/07/2026 19:10

My thoughts are that you had children despite having a very hard start in life.
You can clearly see what a blessing it is to have family and close ties. Many people - especially those with them - don’t know this. They don’t know what they have until it’s gone. You have learnt the hard way.
You know what it means to your children to have you there in their lives; you clearly had a relationship with someone at some point to have those children so I am not sure you are as alone as you feel.

You aren’t alone in any case - you have children. The world needs more people like you, who know what love is and who know how important it is.
Be kinder to yourself. Life isn’t fair or the same for each person- we are all unique and have different qualities; I have found that those from more unusual situations have far better outlooks on life as adults actually; I suspect much of what you have learnt in your life will become apparent in your children - I expect you are a wonderful mother 🩷

Rocket1982 · 07/07/2026 19:09

To people saying life isn’t unfair or fair, it just is… Of course it’s bloody unfair! A person’s experience of live is massively impacted by the lottery of where/when/who they are born to. As a society we need to strive to make it less unfair. Accessibility for disabled people. Good compassionate social services. Equal educational opportunities for all. Without too much state intervention in family units we can’t access all unfairness but we can strive to mitigate it.

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 07/07/2026 19:07

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:02

Well done on what you've achieved. Yes sometimes we have just to accept what is

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Just to add, you can’t stop at accepting what is. You have to take that next step and start searching for and embracing the positives as well.

Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:07

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 07/07/2026 19:04

My circumstances were very similar to yours. And as a child, there was nothing that I could do about it. But as an adult, my life belonged to me and I wasn’t going to spend it being miserable, wishing I’d had a lovely family and that monsters didn’t exist, and worrying about things that I couldn’t change or that hadn’t happened. I try and see the positive in everything. Or at the very least, find something positive in everything day. So today you could say that you connected with people on here, and that’s a good thing. Tomorrow it might be that you had a great cup of tea. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. It’s about changing your mindset from nothing good ever happening, to positive things happening every single day.

I generally feel like I'm useless at everything. That comes from always being treated like I was useless How do you express this feeling? Do you think this could be why you’re feeling bullied at work? Maybe you’re not being bullied because people see you as weak (because you very clearly aren’t weak, having gone through all of that). Could it maybe be that your colleagues have just lost patience with you if you’re constantly feeling a bit sorry for yourself and being negative about everything? I think some people struggle having patience with people when they have an attitude that they’re useless at everything and just hopeless and that it’s no wonder when things don’t work out because nothing ever goes right for them. And then the person who is struggling then feels even worse because everyone around them is irritated by them. It’s very draining being around someone who is just so negative about themselves all the time. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy because the more the struggling person is pushed away, the more negative they feel about themselves.

I’m not sure you’re in the right headspace to be inspiring or helping children right at this second. You’re still young enough so that all of that can happen in the future, but inspiring kids isn’t about disclosing any of what happened to you. It’s about encouraging them to see their own potential. And how are you going to teach them how to see theirs when you can’t see yours? I mean this so kindly, but I think you need to slow down a bit and maybe focus on you before worrying about anyone else. And maybe you could start with adults? Something like volunteering for the Samaritans?

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Yes I wrote I don't want to volunteer with children right now. I'm not mentally strong enough. Maybe in the future, when I'm stronger.

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cucumber4745 · 07/07/2026 19:06

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 18:57

I think I need EMDR. It's too much. I'm sleeping and crying all the time. I've got to try some new therapy. So the rest of my life is not wasted

You can try, but it doesn’t work for everyone. I too was SA and took me 10 years to talk about just to not be believed by family and ignored for another 10 to get blames for never telling them 🙄

You said that you are spiritual - look into Teal Swans work. From all therapy and what not her work was the only thing that helped me make massive progress alongside breath work. Breath work I did with Josh Connolly who has awesome online community or if you can’t be bothered a book on family dynamics with plenty of free guided audios!

Teal was a survivor of a cult abuse, SA and forced pregnancy and multiple forced abortions. Josh is an ex-alcoholic coming from very abusive family. Both recovered and helping millions to do the same. It can get better. It feels unfair that we as the survivors have to the work and are burdened with it, but feeling that anger and letting go and accepting that all these emotions are part of the journey are actually part of it!

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 07/07/2026 19:04

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 17:20

I have a DBS. I don't know. I generally feel like I'm useless at everything. That comes from always being treated like I was useless.

But I will try to help another child somewhere

Show quote history

My circumstances were very similar to yours. And as a child, there was nothing that I could do about it. But as an adult, my life belonged to me and I wasn’t going to spend it being miserable, wishing I’d had a lovely family and that monsters didn’t exist, and worrying about things that I couldn’t change or that hadn’t happened. I try and see the positive in everything. Or at the very least, find something positive in everything day. So today you could say that you connected with people on here, and that’s a good thing. Tomorrow it might be that you had a great cup of tea. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. It’s about changing your mindset from nothing good ever happening, to positive things happening every single day.

I generally feel like I'm useless at everything. That comes from always being treated like I was useless How do you express this feeling? Do you think this could be why you’re feeling bullied at work? Maybe you’re not being bullied because people see you as weak (because you very clearly aren’t weak, having gone through all of that). Could it maybe be that your colleagues have just lost patience with you if you’re constantly feeling a bit sorry for yourself and being negative about everything? I think some people struggle having patience with people when they have an attitude that they’re useless at everything and just hopeless and that it’s no wonder when things don’t work out because nothing ever goes right for them. And then the person who is struggling then feels even worse because everyone around them is irritated by them. It’s very draining being around someone who is just so negative about themselves all the time. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy because the more the struggling person is pushed away, the more negative they feel about themselves.

I’m not sure you’re in the right headspace to be inspiring or helping children right at this second. You’re still young enough so that all of that can happen in the future, but inspiring kids isn’t about disclosing any of what happened to you. It’s about encouraging them to see their own potential. And how are you going to teach them how to see theirs when you can’t see yours? I mean this so kindly, but I think you need to slow down a bit and maybe focus on you before worrying about anyone else. And maybe you could start with adults? Something like volunteering for the Samaritans?

Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:02

12234m · 07/07/2026 19:00

Used to fix a relationship. Didn't work.
In and out of care then stayed in care but with multiple placements.
Abused.
Moved abroad then gave up job, and came home but nowhere to live. Wasn't allowed back "home."
Found live in jobs, eventually bought a flat.
Married. Had children.
Divorced husband after unbelievable cruelty.
Moved 100s of miles.
No family, flaky friends, bereavement and bad health news.

All one can is accept life sometimes isn't easy and just get on with things. Better than the alternative.

Its not a competition, I've not listed everything, but I'm grateful to still have my life.

Try. Remind yourself all you've overcome. Life is too long to spend most of it living in the past.

Well done on what you've achieved. Yes sometimes we have just to accept what is

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12234m · 07/07/2026 19:02

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 18:57

I think I need EMDR. It's too much. I'm sleeping and crying all the time. I've got to try some new therapy. So the rest of my life is not wasted

I have had EMDR. Highly recommend it.

Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:01

I think the thing I really need to stop doing is thinking about the past.

I wake up and start thinking about my past straight away, then I go through my day, but I keep thinking about the past. I need to gain control of my mind. Maybe I need to do more early morning meditation

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12234m · 07/07/2026 19:00

Used to fix a relationship. Didn't work.
In and out of care then stayed in care but with multiple placements.
Abused.
Moved abroad then gave up job, and came home but nowhere to live. Wasn't allowed back "home."
Found live in jobs, eventually bought a flat.
Married. Had children.
Divorced husband after unbelievable cruelty.
Moved 100s of miles.
No family, flaky friends, bereavement and bad health news.

All one can is accept life sometimes isn't easy and just get on with things. Better than the alternative.

Its not a competition, I've not listed everything, but I'm grateful to still have my life.

Try. Remind yourself all you've overcome. Life is too long to spend most of it living in the past.

Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 19:00

MissUnicorn · 07/07/2026 18:58

I'm sorry.
I feel like this a lot and try to focus on the things and people I do have because I can't turn back time.
It's not easy, it's a daily practice.

Edited

What's that?

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Original poster

MyFastZebra · 07/07/2026 18:59

cucumber4745 · 07/07/2026 18:56

I could have written this myself - bad family relationships, poor background and abuse outside of home.

A few years ago when finally things looked up, I had a complete breakdown after the end of a significant relationship. My future suddenly felt no existent. Due to circumstances, the little contact I had with family I ended as they kicked me when I was already down.

I spent a year grieving. The future that never existed, the past I wish I had, dwelling on the why me. You have to sit with it. Therapy, spiritual readings, travel and meditation help. I found Teal’s Swan completion process helpful and Kabbalah teachings. The loving yourself crap is a nonsense, we are social creatures and no loving yourself is not enough. “No man is an island” and all that. What it does allow you to do is recognise love and care in daily life and that it doesn’t always look like you think it does. Small acts of kindness from strangers, random messages are all acts of love towards you.

Once you grieve and accept, you will start making space in your life for people who do care and love you in the way you need. I met my partner shortly after I had that “aha” moment of no one will care about me as much as they care about themselves. If I don’t care about me how can I expect someone else to or teach them how to? I am happy, we are starting a family and creating the story we want to have. I don’t know how that will go or what the future holds. I talk to my family now but it is strained and clinical. I have learned that they are not the people who will support me or
make me feel loved and cared for. I get to choose my family…

it does leave a hole but it is not unfixable it just takes a lot of tears, grief and dealing with resentment.

Thanks for that. That was very helpful and kind

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MissUnicorn · 07/07/2026 18:58

I'm sorry.
I feel like this a lot and try to focus on the things and people I do have because I can't turn back time.
It's not easy, it's a daily practice.