Why is life so unfair

OP I have read some of your responses
can you try to ignore the bitchy ones and focus on the kinder ones ? A small step towards being more positive ?

OP im sorry that you feel that you have had a hard life but please dont bring up that little boys name. A comparison could have been made without making a specific reference to him. I feel very uncomfortable with your post.

Well, yes. And not being able to meet with extended family. Poverty is awful but not unusual (sadly.)

Anyway, I don’t want to turn your thread into an argument. It can be hard overcoming adversity but you have had a chance to do so at least. Person didn’t have that, did he?

But I guess this is broadly my point; we can’t do anything for Preston now, but you can do something for other children. Life doesn’t work in a concept of fair or unfair, it isn’t a court of law and we all recognise this.

I do stand by my view that comparing yourself to a murdered infant is somewhat insensitive though!

I agree op

A comparison of ‘I didn’t get to go on holidays with my friends’ and then going onto mention an abused and murdered baby did jar a bit. I am normally quite compassionate but, well, it’s probably one of the worst cases of child abuse we’ve ever seen!

I think OPs main issue is the lack of love and care in her childhood not her living standards.

You can live in poverty and be loved and feel love and that is worth its weight in gold. You can be rich and abused.

@MyFastZebra I don’t think there’s much point pondering why life is “unfair”. It just is (or at least, it’s different for everyone, noting that difference may not be unfairness dependent on how you view it).

As a previous poster has suggested, we can’t change the hand we’ve been dealt we just need to play with it.

In terms of putting it into perspective, I saw something recently along the lines of independent of how little money / wealth we have, independent of our living standards, independent of our medical needs or education access etc etc, anyone living in the UK is already in the top 10% of the population globally and has orders of magnitudes better standards of living to even our grandparents never mind those that lived in the 1900s or before…

…. we really are living and most people forget how comfortable they are compared to most including those that have gone before us

You need to decide whether you will be a "glass half empty or half full" person I think.

Yes you were dealt some really shitty cards BUT you also got some great ones so focus on those.

I won't suggest what they are - have a reflection on it yourself and list the positives you got.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through OP. To answer your question I suppose life is unfair because everything happens randomly. That's not a satisfactory answer I know. For what it's worth I was very unhappy throughout my teens and twenties too. I had no friends. In my 30s I pushed myself to go to college and my life improved.

It just comes down to luck i suppose - what will be gained by dwelling on it. You say you’ve tried therapy and it’s not for you, and thats fine, I don't think it helps everyone, but perhaps you could explore a different/better type of therapy? I think I’d try to reframe your thinking or you will taint the next 42 years of your life. We are all alive at an incredible time in human history, with amazing yet everyday assets only really being available to mankind in the last 50 -100 years, some things much less. You have clean running water on tap - years ago you’d have had to walk to a well or river, you have a heated house in winter, you’d have had to chop wood or dig coal. Food in abundance, you'd have starved without being able to farm/hunt. Access to all sorts of information and entertainment via technology, travel is available and relatively cheap - imagine how long it would tale to get 50 miles on a horse! Health care - we now survive things that would have been fatal even 20 years ago. There’s a lot to be grateful for if you want to see it.

There is a difference between not living a charmed life and child absue which is what the OP has experienced. Your comment is disgusting.

Don’t be so unsympathetic!!!!!! OP has poured her heart out and that’s your reply???

I felt nothing but sadness and sympathy reading that, you should be ashamed!!!!!

I have had adversity in my life too, but childhood abuse is a different ballgame because the brain becomes wired very differently as a result of the stress during development. It can't be overcome like adversity in adulthood or even adolescence can through determination and outlook.

@MyFastZebra I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I have no experience of this, I’m just here to say what an amazing survivor you are. You should be so proud of yourself and your resilience for making it this far without any family support. And I agree, life is not fair. But there are millions of people worse off. Comparing yourself with the millions who are better off is always going to make you feel shit. Try flipping it. I’m not trying to minimise your suffering—just offer a strategy that may help you to feel better about your life.
You are here. You are alive. There is joy to be found, but I understand it’s not easy.
If the therapist you have used has not worked for you, please try a different one. Not all are the same and there might be a different approach that could help you.
Edited to say, please try reading ‘The Choice’ by Edith Eger. It’s a brilliant book.

I’m so sorry you were dealt a shitty hand OP. I also have some traumas from my childhood, perhaps not as bad as you, but I didn’t grow up a happy child.

However, as soon as I could, I made it my mission to improve my life and do things that make me happy. I started supporting myself at 16, so I know what you mean about burdens and responsibilities. However, about 10 years after that, I had arrived at a professional and financial level that allowed me to treat myself to things I liked too. Travel makes me happy, so I’ve been doing lots of it as soon as I could afford it.

What makes you happy? How can you start doing more of it?

I also don't have that close person or family member that will stand up for me. It’s unfair, sure. But I’ve learnt to enjoy life and look for happiness as much as I can, amongst the crap that is generally around.

I totally disagree and find your comment totally insensitive. The op is telling us she’s experiences horrible abuse and had no one to protect her, in common with Preston and many other children who’s stories make the news, plenty who don’t. If this is what you feel you need to post, I think you should reflect a little.

@MyFastZebra, I’m sorry and it’s ok to feel sad. I wonder since you have had that affinity with meditation in the past, have you ever explored it as an adult?

I didn't interpret op's comment that way. I read it as her giving an example of another abused child who had no one to care for him.

I'm sorry you've had such a tough time op, I work with Care Leavers and have seen the lifelong suffering an abusive childhood creates. However I think you should give yourself credit. You have survived, and that's more than many with your background have been able to do. So many of the young people I work with become homeless, are addicts or cannot find the strength to go on

Left field suggestion but I have seen nature helping some young people we work with. Do you have a garden? Or a local project you could get involved with? Or could you manage a small pet?

I think sometimes it’s helpful to try and be the person you would have needed, maybe volunteering would help you?
Its ok to be frustrated at the disparity in the world but those feelings ultimately won’t help you aside from understanding why you are how you are.

Life is unfair. You are right that some people have gilded lives and others grow up picking over rubbish dumps in India or Cuba. All you can do is focus on making your own life better. Get a better job, make your home a comfortable sanctuary, join Meetup and go for walks.
I’m not being glib I have also had adversity. Looking back constantly will only blight the rest of your precious life. Allow yourself to feel compassion for the child you were but try to make a better future.

Life is unfair, to most of us, at some point. Few lead a totally charmed life. We just need to get over the obstacles, stress, grief, whatever. 🤷‍♀️