Why is life so unfair

https://www.carolynspring.com/

Give this a glance OP.

Great post. There is truth in that.

we will have to disagree. The combination of therapist and patient is complex, but I disagree that it can't get to the heart of things. What it can't do is stop it hurting, or fill in all that was lost (or not gained) - which is what people perhaps find in religion. It really isn't that modern either.

Ime of numerous therapists for different reasons and at different times of my life.

You have to trust the therapist.
You have to believe that the therapist knows what they are doing.
You have to be willing and able to say all that needs to be said and be honest.
You have to put the work in.
You have to want it to succeed.

Start with that and have the right type of therapy and then there is hope.

In many cases it has nothing to do with how engaged the client is though. I've been to therapy for many years...exposed my heart and soul...and some therapists just don't get me. This realisation may come months or even years down the line. They are only human and flawed themselves, and my mind and the complex dynamics i have dealt with is too vast for them to understand.

Yes, it may work for cbt issues, or assertiveness....but getting deep down into the core of an individual and healing them after severe childhood neglect/abuse is impossible. Sorry to sound negative.

The whole notion of therapy is a new phenomenon. It will only go so deep. This is why many turn to spirituality as they, and I believe, that only God can fully understand us.

I'm glad you find what worked for you- other people will get that through therapy. It's not right to say therapy is not useful just because it didn't work for you.

You are right about therapy being complex. Something that is rarely raised is that it's effectiveness doesn't just depend on the therapist, but also on the client. Some people are more ready or able to engage, more motivated, more psychologically minded or insightful, or able to be truly honest with themselves. The best therapist in the world is no good if the client is not fully engaged. Some are better at supporting clients with engagement. But some people will never really be able to use therapy effectively.

@CombatBarbie can you explain how you access it please? I have a friend who is struggling to do so.

Emdr is readily available on NHS.

Yes, but dentistry is a straightforward practice. Therapy is different as people are extremely complex.

I have gotten therapy from many different therapists and they may help with surface level issues, but ive never felt that therapy truly changed me. Trauma becomes embedded in the unconscious which is hard to reach. And even if you understand it, its embedded.

Personally the only thing that has truly helped me is God and Jesus...asking my creator for healing.

Yes, but if you went to a bad dentist you would just find another one. You Wouldn't say dentistry is a waste of time.

This. I hate the narrative that its somehow something you've attracted into your life,

I agree Op. Some therapists can actually make you worse. Just because someone is a therapist doesnt mean they are a good one.
Some therapists have serious issues themselves.

I'm not religious, maybe a little spiritual. I always liked the parable of the sower though - the one about seeds being cast around, with some landing on rocky impenetrable ground and others on fertile soil. I don't (personally) believe in karma as I've met too many wonderful humans who have been through terrible things, and too many awful humans who don't seem to reap consequences.

I think you were a seed landing on scorched earth - yet you made it this far.

I'm glad it sounds like you find comfort in spirituality - I think that could help in your route to recovery ❤

Sending you a hug Op

You have been brave and resilient just to stay on this thread.

Life is unfair and people like some on this thread make it far worse, they truly lack tolerance, understanding and empathy.

They have some empathy for those who didn't survive but reinforce the unfairness to those who suffered the same but survived.

They are a big part of the problem, talk about those in prison or on drugs, alcohol or other weight and tell them to be heroes and rise above it all. But sometimes those who are horribly abused can't rise above it all, they can't escape it and they instead suffer all there adult lives in various traumatic ways.

Surviving is not always for the best.

You are a survivor op but you are obviously sad and in pain, so I send you a hug and hope your life changes for the better.

You have been very good not to sink to the level of some people on this thread and your responses show that you have a lot of love and tolerance.

@MyFastZebra Don't believe there is any meaning for children to be abused, neglected or suffer. They do so because their parents are abusive.

I had a similar childhood. Mother died when I was very young. Dad was abusive. Emotionally deprived and no one jad my corner. This continued to adulthood.

I dealt with it by reducing contact with the people who made me feel shit, finding good people and looking to the future. There us nothing about your past you can change.

Most Talking Therapy services through the NHS offer EMDR.

Start saving. EMDR saved my sister from a serious breakdown. I really believe in it.

That’s an appalling thing to say. Likening your unhelpful and unsympathetic posts being criticised to horrific sexual violence is absolutely unacceptable.

And before you say the OP is just as bad comparing her situation with Preston Davey it’s not the same. She wasn’t saying that her situation is as bad, she’s saying that people like her, as well as people like Preston just get an unfair rub of the green compared to others.

Personally I think that’s a reasonable take. It’s not saying that people who haven’t been sexually abused as children have easy lives. It’s not saying that people with extensive abuse from their main caregivers can’t overcome it. But not having caring, supportive, loving parents and a wider extended family does make life more challenging.

A race to the bottom where someone in a far flung country may have harder lives is not helpful. If you’ve broken your leg you don’t want the doctor to say oh just pull yourself together other people have broken necks.

Op you are becoming frustrating, you've had several posts empathising, sympathising and even suggesting EMDR. You just come across as so dismissive.

Ive commented earlier about EMDR and it was life changing for me. I no longer relive the memories, they are just hazy. I of course know the unhazy version but I need to now reach for those memories.

We've all been through some form of trauma, vast majority comes from childhood. Prior to my EMDR I didnt wake and think of memories....I used to have horrific nightmares but learned through therapy before EMDR to wake and let my brain be aware, can I hear birds, traffic, what am I doing today. Without sounding like a cunt, its almost as if you want to be the living victim. The past is the past, you cant change it, but you can change your future.

@RoseonthebalconyI totally agree with you. Well done for sticking up for the OP. How anyone can read her posts and respond in such an utterly offhand, cruel and callous manner makes me despair.

@MyFastZebra @Overbrookanddale
You are both having a hard time for different reasons. Please just try to be kind to each other.