Hit my limit after receiving silly comment

It's hard to tell from your posts - it's hot, she's pregnant and knackered, you're doing everything else and knackered. Moving a tonne and a half of heavy stones in 28-degree heat (if you were in the UK last weekend) would break most people. Also - doesn't sound like that's a job you'd really NEED to be doing right now? This could just be a storm in a teacup because you're both struggling or she could be massively taking the piss. If it's the former - have an early night and see how you feel in the morning. If it's the latter - you need a serious conversation with your partner. Her being pregnant does not mean you are her lackey.

Good luck with that when the baby is here lol

Agreed!

Blimey OP it's like you're working on a chain gang, but... alone.

So either you're in a semi-abusive relationship or there's more to the story.

Seems to sum it up.

Blimey. If after you've moved tonnes of stone and had a short rest, your partner said "I don’t expect you to kill yourself" and “I know you’re not used to hard labour”... then she really is taking the P, pregnant or not. Especially as she's having weeks off and you're working f/t.

So either you're in a semi-abusive relationship or there's more to the story.

I would avoid messaging any more about this and wait until you can discuss it in person. It's much too easy to misinterpret texts, etc. or take them out of context and there's no point in guessing or asking others what the other person meant and becoming more upset on that basis if you can clear it up directly. Also discuss the broader split of responsibilities right now - it sounds like you are intentionally and proactively taking on a very large share of the normally shared work without discussion in order to spare her, and she may not be aware how much you are doing, how it fits in with your overall schedule, how tired you are, etc.

She’s pregnant not dying. Why can’t she cook and clean and look after the home? Especially if she’s not working?
Sure I get that manual labour is probably not in her remit right now but being pregnant doesn’t mean you have to be on bed rest. She sounds intolerably lazy and I’d have lost my shit by now too and not over that comment either. Because she’s sat on her arse doing sweet FA

She's not the boss of you. Why did you need to explain in a text that you needed a rest? I don't think her comments were rude though, just saying that you're not used to physical hard work. It's not an insult as I read it.

You saw red over a text that could be completely innocent? Bit of an overreaction. Are you always so quick to anger? Hope baby doesn’t “make you see red” too when you’re truly sleep deprived.

I’m very conscious at present that she’s going through a pregnancy, fatigue levels etc and as a result have taken on essentially all the housework, shopping, chores etc.

Is she very pregnant/having a difficult pregnancy?

I not she should still be capable of doing something I would have thought.

Whether or not she meant it in a snarky way, it sounds like you're taking on too much. Is your partner having a particularly difficult pregnancy? If it's all normal then I don't really think it's reasonable to expect you to do everything, especially if you're working full time and she's on holiday (teacher or similar presumably, or is she on maternity leave already). It also depends on how far along she is, but most women work till near their due date and also continue to contribute to running the household. Obviously she can't get involved in moving tonnes of stone, but why can't she cook dinner for example? You're going to be burnt out before the baby arrives, and that's when she really will need you to step up.

You need to have a discussion about this face to face, text is notorious for misunderstandings.

You're both going to be tired and stressed when the baby arrives. It's worth considering how you communicate with each other and trying to avoid competitive tiredness.

I wouldn't have messaged her today about any of this, and if you still wanted to discuss it, waited till you could be face to face.

Are you trying to get the garden sorted before the baby arrives? Is that level of physical work going to continue for a while?

If OP is working all day perhaps they need to chill out in the evenings. Unless there is something urgent surely it can wait till the weekend

I think this was a little thing that snowballed because you were knackered.

She's lucky not to be in work while she's experiencing pregnancy fatigue (as someone who worked up until a couple of days pre birth both times and didn't do any less housework in that time either).

Perhaps she didn't realise that you were tired when she said that and yes, you could have handled that better. In future, maybe just make sure you've communicated how you're feeling and why you aren't doing certain gardening/DIY after work. eg "it's been so busy in work today, I'm pooped so I'm going to take it easy this evening after I've done tea but can get that fence/mowing/water feature/whatever sorted on Friday, how are you feeling?"

I'm still completely sure I understand why the comment was so triggering - is it because you feel she's not appreciating all the physical labour you're doing outside after work? The comment about not wanting you to kill yourself was a bit weird, it's not something I'd say.

Anyway, glad you've got a pregnancy in your relationship after what sounds like a really tough IVF journey and miscarriage.

I'd also think she meant the actual physical work of gardening etc.

Sorry to hear your struggles with IVF and a miscarriage. I had several miscarriages and it is awful. But I can only imagine you might feel a mix bag of emotions with your partner being pregnant.

Wish you both the best, and sometimes directly asking if the person meant what they said helps angst. I do anyway, and so far have found I tend to interpret many things incorrectly

Messages can be misinterpreted, it is all in the tone, it could have been sarcastic or she may have been genuinely thinking you were working very hard. I would suggest talking rather than messaging. I don't know what sort of work you do, but hard physical labour is different to many jobs, 60 hours of office work is very different from 60 hours of manual labour in the heat.

But the OP said the relationship had ‘ups and downs’ and ‘struggles’- it sounded like the OP meant in general, not just during the pregnancy. So I too am wondering why they have decided to have a baby together if the relationship wasn’t great to start with.

So again, what do you mean you saw red? What did you respond to her?

No it isn’t ’obviously’ snarky. OP messaged her partner and said she was struggling and needed to space stuff out, she responded and acknowledged it and said she’s not expecting her to kill herself and that she knows uses not used to hard labour… which she isn’t. Assuming that was a nasty dig rather than taking her for what she said is odd not ‘obvious’

Yes. Huge mountain out of tiny molehill, OP.