Hit my limit after receiving silly comment

Well yes, but they don't sound compatible.

Hard labour is I thought a well known phrase meaning physical work.

Not necessarily a dig.

You've obviously been through a great deal yourself in an effort to have a child. It's taken its toll on you and now you've taken on the role of chief cook and bottle washer.
She's pregnant not dying slowly of some awful condition. She should be contributing more than it sounds like she is. You need to sit down and discuss your future going forward.

Firstly she’s pregnant not sick. She can help with washing up and cooking etc unless she’s got severe sickness or something. Stop taking everything on.

Secondly unless you work outdoors doing physical work she’s right that you’re not used to hard labour.

Being pregnant doesn’t mean you don’t lift a finger.

Has she always been lazy?

Why the shitty, unnecessary and unhelpful response??

Yes I know, I was just using your post as a springboard to take a leap off at a tangent 😁

It's quite common for lesbian relationships to break apart/divorce after a pregnancy.

There are some additional stressors and resentments on top of an already diffucult time.

The one couple I know that managed to stay together after a pregnancy went to therapy pretty religiously. Is that an option op?

That sounds like very heavy outside work OP, are you sure you should be doing it on your own? It won't help to injure yourself. I don't see how you can do all that as well as being the only person on housework duty, and as well as having a full time job.
Your partner is exhausted in a different way and you need to support each other, so maybe you both need to avoid any provocative comments for the time being and make time to chill together.

interesting that she used the word 'labour' - as in your not going to be giving birth unlike her. I wonder if this was a sub text or thought in her head when she used that, specific wording.

Hard labour is physical, and being a therapist isn’t the equivalent. She meant the hard labour of the shifting rock etc. This is a normal comment and I’m afraid you overreacted.

Is she having a complicated pregnancy @Newbie986 ? If not, she needs to be mucking in still. In her own time, I did a lot of pottering during pregnancy and went at my own pace. There is zero need for you to take on everything.
Either get the garden done OR the cooking and cleaning. Which is more important to her? You work full time, you cannot do it all or you will end up on your knees before the baby even arrives!
You need to communicate this calmly but firmly and if she uses pregnancy as a stick to beat you with, then you have bigger problems.

I have had two complicated pregnancies so I understand but alas, the world doesn't stop.

No, I get that. It's just that Op thought it somehow negated the 60hr weekends she used to do which, unless they were hard labour, it wouldn't.

OP, my DH said something similar to me once - different circumstances and context, but I 100% understand why the comment hurts.

I'd been unemployed for a while, no luck finding another job, and was struggling badly with depression - not being able to get out of bed or brush my teeth type of episode. At one point I happened to have a very busy day with a lot of errands, and I was absolutely knackered by the end of it, to which he said something along the lines of "well, it's no surprise you're tired, you're not used to working."

It was, objectively, true - I was probably knackered because after several months at home, I was no longer used to having fulll days.

But at the time it really made me, as you say, hit my limit. It hurt a lot because I wanted to be working, and because I'd been trying really hard to apply for jobs with no success, and it just felt like such an unfair and insensitive comment - even though it wasn't meant that way.

In hindsight, I can see that it was obviously tapping into my own insecurities around not working and being able to contribute to the household, and while phrased a bit clumsily, it was a neutral - if not supportive - comment.

Is there any chance there's some of that going on?

She’s pregnant not on her deathbed. Unless she is having a very complicated pregnancy and is struggling way over and above usual pregnancy fatigue you need to have a serious discussion with her about pulling her weight.

Otherwise it will just continue way after baby comes and this will be your life now.

I assume she meant physical labour but if you're not sure maybe ask her when you're calm?

I was thinking the same. I pity the poor child.

Why have you taken on all the cooking shopping and housework? She's pregnant, her arms haven't fallen off. Moving in pregnancy is good for you.
She should still be doing some of those things along with you. Not hauling rocks and slabs across the garden obviously.

She isn't valuing you. Being pregnant has nothing to do with that. I think time to step back a little, she is capable to help and organise etc, even if a bit slower.

I've noticed in life there are people that you try to help who then demand more. It's very frustrating not being appreciated. Go easy OP. Hope can strike a better balance.

Yes, this is what people usually mean by "hard labour."

The funny (well, not so funny, actually) thing is that OP clearly IS used to doing it! and very much deserves a rest now and then. Her partner doesn't seem to respect that. The caretaking here seems to be rather a one-way process.

I agree @Rosecoffeecup, a dreadful patronising message. And far too expectant of what someone else should be doing. It's a pregnancy, not princess time.

I think she meant physical labour when she said 'hard'. People don't usually refer to working hard as 'hard labour'.

I do sympathise with her pregancy exhaustion as it took me the same way too and like yourself I've always been a very hardworking individual.

I think her comment would have made me very annoyed with her too just because you've literally taken on ALL of the labour both outside and around the house to help her get through this pregnancy and the implication was you are only struggling with all of that because you aren't used to hard work! This in turn would make you look at everything you are doing and suddenly view her (in comparison) as being very lazy (since she's suddenly commenting) hence why you got triggered.

Therefore I TOTALLY understand your reaction to the remark but on balance I agree with the pps who pointed out she may have only been referring to the hard outside work you've done and in reality I think she was just telling you to take it easy but it came out in a very clumsy manner (potentially because of pregnancy brain, which actually is a thing)

I think, just take it as the latter and try to not take offence or hold a grudge, please try to forgive and forget and put it down to both of you struggling at the same time.

Good luck, and I do hope you can just put it behind you and both go on to live the happy life you deserve together. Life's too short to hold onto misunderstandings. 🤗

Okay, she may be pregnant right now but that doesn’t mean she’s some innocent Madonna who isn’t responsible for her actions.

you are supporting her through it and deserve the same care and empathy you’ve shown her.

Bit of a dickhead comment to say OP should be grateful that she isn't pregnant - you've no idea what her or her partners fertility journey has been like