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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to still wash my autistic 11-year-old son’s hair?

88 replies

BakingN · 07/07/2026 12:39

My mum thinks it’s ridiculous that I still wash my DS11’s hair. He’s got autism and was diagnosed since he was 5 and whilst it doesn’t affect anything major he can struggle to make new friends etc. he’s not the best when it comes to washing his hair since it’s quite thick and I worry about dandruff with him having sensitive skin. I just think it’s nice for us to bond and I am teaching him how to do it himself but he likes me doing it and I like to make sure his hair is fully done. Is this bad parenting?

OP posts:
Oceangrey · 07/07/2026 12:57

My 11 year old is not autistic and I occasionally help him wash his hair in the bath. He doesn't do it very well so sometimes a more thorough job is needed. Hasn't occurred to me to see this as a problem!

MageKing · 07/07/2026 12:50

I think it's fine. Having said that, I'd be encouraging him to at least learn or do it himself sometimes as a way to continue to encourage and drive independence and confidence.

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 07/07/2026 12:48

I do it for my 12 year old son with autism.
Not all people with autism are considered disabled. But there are areas where they require more support where neurotypical people won't. You, above ALL others, know your child's needs and you meet them. Trust yourself! Everything else is just noise.
You're not mollycoddling him. Your supporting his needs. Hair washing can be an utter nightmare for anyone with sensory issues. You understand this. Ignore anyone else who doesn't. Until they walk a mile in your shoes, their opinion/unwanted advice isn't even worth giving airtime to.
HUGS, OP!

mogtheexcellent · 07/07/2026 12:45

I still wash my DDs hair. Shes 12 and neurotypical (sorry if wrong term). Hair is quite long though and we enjoy a chat when shes in the bath. (she refuses to shower).

flagpolesitta · 07/07/2026 12:45

I still do the same for my ten-year-old son with ASD. A lot of this sort of thing is what’s outlined on the dla forms etc, disability means children can struggle with these things compared to typical children.

Nincompoo · 07/07/2026 12:43

You know your son better than your mum. It’s honestly none of her business! In an ideal world your son would be washing his own hair but if he struggles with it then you’re just being a good mum.

There will come a time in the not so distant future that he won’t want you anywhere near him while he’s in the bathroom and as long as you respect that then 🤷🏽‍♀️

tbh I wish my son would let me wash his hair - he makes a shocking job of it 🤣

Original poster
BakingN · 07/07/2026 12:43

Tumbler2121 · 07/07/2026 12:42

Yes. Your mums parenting is disgusting. Take this as a message to never take advice from her.

its lovely washing the kids hair at whatever age. Could be useful to teach him how to do it in the shower too xx

Thanks. She was never great with me but I think from growing up with a sort of military attitude I second guess myself a lot

OP posts:
OldCrohn · 07/07/2026 12:42

I think at this age you need to be aiming on developing independence and focus on moving towards teaching, then supervising. An 11 year old with SEN in mainstream school should be able to do this under supervision and/or prompting.

Tumbler2121 · 07/07/2026 12:42

Yes. Your mums parenting is disgusting. Take this as a message to never take advice from her.

its lovely washing the kids hair at whatever age. Could be useful to teach him how to do it in the shower too xx

Bristolandlazy · 07/07/2026 12:41

No of course it's not bad parenting. Maybe as he heads towards puberty it works be a good idea for him to do it himself and to have private baths etc.

Needmorelego · 07/07/2026 12:40

My autistic daughter is 18.
I still wash her hair.

Original poster
BakingN · 07/07/2026 12:40

Nincompoo · 07/07/2026 12:39

Why would that be in any way unreasonable?

Because she said I’m babying him too much and my husband doesn’t really say much other than shrug so I’m a bit paranoid

OP posts:
Nincompoo · 07/07/2026 12:39

Why would that be in any way unreasonable?

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