AIBU to still wash my autistic 11-year-old son’s hair?

It's her son...so she has obviously seen his willy...and will see it many more times. It's a willy, when he doesn't want her to see it he'll say... come on stop with the Victorian ideal of proprietary. Do you have covers so men don't get to see the legs on your table in case they get excited?

I still wash my 35 year old autistic son's hair. Have to as otherwise it wouldn't get done properly.

I still wash my 18 year old autistic son’s hair too OP. He doesn’t have an intellectual disability but has MH issues as well as sensory issues and poor coordination. He has long hair.

If I didn’t wash it it wouldn’t get done very often, if at all. He needs a lot more support than his peers. That’s just the way it is.

You know your DS best OP, and if he still needs help then it’s good he has you there to support him.

I don't think my local hairdresser would charge very much, I'll ask her next time I'm in (won't be another moth or so)

My friends husband washes her hair for her at least once a week, it saves them
money & the time/hassle of the hairdressers.

if you have someone willing do it at home, why not?

OP my 3 children are aged 15, 16 and 18 and are NT and I still wash their hair occasionally. DD 18 has long hair and the boys are just not great at getting the suds out (hair looks greasy). If they have a full shower they do it but sometimes they just want their hair washed and may ask me as I am so quick at it. I have no problem doing it.

My autistic daughter goes to the hairdresser weekly to have her hair washed. I was certainly still washing her hair at 11

My son is just 13 and literally, this last month he has cracked hair washing. His is long (And absolutely stunning as its like golden thread), but you can tell quickly if its not washed properly.

I had to as his dads bald - and has made not much motivation on teaching him any hygiene stuff....cos he was in a mum only house, so not sure he knows how to do it (apparently cos I birthed them, I do know, must be that parenting guide they stick in you after they wheek the kid out....).

TBH, when he hit puberty he was like "I shall be handling this myself from this point forward" (insert touching teepee fingers here).
I've only had to do it when he is absolutely knackered and he's asks. Still have to dry it though as not mastered brushing + drying it yet. But his still still struggled with that till she was 14 (And I still struggle with my own hair!)

They are in some ways and not in others. It’s a bit like having a mix of toddlers and adults at times (with teen hormones thrown in for good measure). They definitely keep me on my toes!

Really what I mean is that I think you’re doing the right thing. Other people get het up about support given not being “normal” or age appropriate but the truth is that ND kids will do stuff in their own way and in their own time. They just need support, love and the space free of judgment to be able to do that and unhelpful comments from, even well meaning, relatives can be really quite damaging.

My 11 year old dd has curls. Naturally wants to tangle/hard work hair. No autism. I help her. If I didnt.....I hate to think how it would be after a week. Dont go by his age go by his stage is my only advice. Kids are all different and he will be learning everything you do it.

Some children can’t wash properly and it isn’t unreasonable. I still help my 14 year old daughter with some personal care as she’s not doing it properly yet. She also has autism.

My son is 10 and I wash his hair in the shower. He showers by himself and then calls me to do the hair washing.

he has very long, thick hair and my son cannot stand any water trickling down his face, so he is face palm into a towel while I suds and rinse. He manages the shower himself in so far as it needs managing - he switches it on! - gets the temperature right, gets a towel and clean pjs ready. But I wash his hair and then I leave him to it again.

Anyway. Isn’t it fine? We won’t be doing it forever. He still sleeps in with me on occasion. Not so much for the cuddles but for the chats. I love it. I hear all his musings. And they are so very odd and wonderful.

I am aware this will all suddenly change when some awareness clicks in, and it will. Until then, this is where we are. Wash away I say!

Perfect!

My DS is 18 and has autism and learning difficulties … I still wash his thick hair.

His brother is Neurotypical. I used to wash his hair, and then when he got to the point of wanting more privacy and to do it himself, I stopped. Simple.

I think you’re doing a great job, OP!

He’s fine with it as he only needs his top off for me to do it. Only reason he’s ever not happy is if he’d rather be chatting to his mates online.

I don’t think YABU at all. You know your child best and will know when they are ready to take on doing this for themselves. But I know as a mum to a DS with SEN myself that sometimes we are on autopilot going through each step of the routine we’ve done for years and you can sometimes forget that they need to start taking care of themselves at some point so I get it’s tough to know when that time is!

My daughter is 10 nearly 11 and I still help her wash her hair because she doesn’t get all the shampoo out! It’s long and quite thick! They all get there at their own pace and some say will always need support but it’s fine I wouldn’t worry at all.

I have two children who have ASD diagnoses. I washed their hair for as long as they needed me to (I think about age 15 for my daughter and 14 for my son). They still need me to help out from time to time and both find showering and physical hygiene routines tricky (espy my daughter who also has ADHD).

A nurse recently pissed me off when she was taking my son’s blood. He’s petrified of it and needs to hold me hand to have it done. His palms are seriously sweaty as they take the blood as he finds it so frightening. He’s 15 now. He needs lots of blood tests as he has Crohn’s. I said something to him while he was having his nail cuts like “oh, I’ll give your nails a cut when we get home love as they’re getting a bit long”. The nurse interjected by scoffing “a big boy like you needing your nails cutting by your mum?!!”. He went bright red with embarrassment. But he does need my help and likely will for a while yet. I should have said something to her but I needed to get my son out of the room as he was starting to panic.

Other people’s opinions of how much support your ND child needs are of absolutely fuck all worth. Only you and your children will know the fine detail of what support they need (and how that’s changing). Anyone else can get stuffed. Including grandparents who, if they’re anything like my children’s remaining grandparents, have all the opinions and not a first fucking clue.

This! My adult ND son has the most beautiful long curly hair and I love combing and putting a product in it when he lets me! It’s one less thing for him to worry about. (He lets his Dad do it more often though 😩!)

You are in best position to judge what is right for your son. Ignore any criticism. At some point your son will decide he would prefer to do his own. In meantime enjoy the chance to pamper him x

It sounds like he may be at a point where he can wash it and you just check it’s rinsed properly? Start gradually moving towards that independence more.

DS is 16 and only just at the washing himself (with reminders!) stage so I’m not judging at all just going off how I read your post.

My 13 year old has Dyspraxia and I occasionally wash his hair over the bath as he sometimes uses too much shampoo and doesn’t wash it out properly.
I still wash my 9 year old as he is Autistic and has learning disabilities and is unable to take care of his own personal hygiene.

Are you prone to exaggeration and hyperbole? How does a disagreement about hair washing made her parenting disgusting?

What a strange word to use anyway, where disgust comes into it?