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Original poster

If you have a ND daughter, does it get better as they get older?

33 replies

user0512 · 07/07/2026 10:52

Hi,

DD potentially has autism and ADHD. Her dad has both and my sister and dad are ND too so there’s a good chance she has it.

She’s two so I’m not rushing anything right now as it could be that she ‘grows out of’ these behaviours as she exits the toddler stage, but from what I can see she seems much more deregulated than a typical toddler going through the ‘terrible twos’.

Transitions are extremely difficult for us, she constantly repeats her words, she needs a LOT of reassurance, and does a lot of sensory seeking (with her hair and putting things in her mouth). She has little sense of danger, I know children at this age do partake in risk taking behaviours but she’s constantly climbing, putting everything in her mouth, putting cords around her neck (from a my laptop charger for instance). There’s more but these are a few examples.

This morning was extremely difficult as she struggled from the moment she woke up. Transitioning her to nursery was hard too and even when we got there she was very upset. She’s fine after about half an hour of being there but the transition is extremely difficult for her (she’s been in nursery since she was 9 months old).

Does it get better? What helps?

Posted on AIBU for traffic.

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 07/07/2026 16:51

Nursery suggested assessment at 2, diagnosed with autism and ADHD at 6.

Original poster
user0512 · 07/07/2026 16:47

@SouthJersey1its draining. Often makes me slightly resentful of other people’s experiences of motherhood because when I speak to mums with NT children they just say ‘oh the terrible twos’ but these aren’t your typical terrible twos. These are way more than that and it’s draining. She’s been a high needs child ever since she was a newborn. Has a dairy allergy so I thought things would get better after we got the right milk when she was six months old but even after that she’s always had very big feelings and been very difficult to soothe

OP posts:
H202too · 07/07/2026 16:47

Not for me at 18 but we do have some glimmers.

Original poster
user0512 · 07/07/2026 16:46

@littlemousebigcheese sympathies. What was she like as a toddler? Does she have ADHD/Autism/both? Has medication been explored?

OP posts:
littlemousebigcheese · 07/07/2026 16:44

My daughter is 9 and it’s so hard right now. My paediatrician told us that in his opinion hardest years for girls are 8-12 as they have a hormone explosion, lots of change developmentally and often lots of transition with schools and friendships. We are definitely noticing it. Very unsettled, unregulated, lots of meltdowns and anger, not sleeping and explosive. I think it’s also that she’s bigger. When she was younger I could scoop her up but now I’m kind of at her mercy if she meltdowns in public

SouthJersey1 · 07/07/2026 16:40

It's hard, I know. My daughter was special needs growing up and now her oldest daughter is, too. I remember when mine was a toddler/preschooler and it was tough! I lived in fear that she would fall asleep on the car ride home from taking her sister to afternoon-session preschool, as even the quickest sleep in the car prevented her from taking a nap and I needed that break each day terribly!

To be completely honest, finding the correct medications as they've grown has helped. My daughter was very much trial-and-error through the years, with many rough patches until we hit on the best med when she was 11 years old.

She's had the benefit of my experiences to guide her with her daughter but there have been many times when it's looked like an episode of Super Nanny (I would say the same from when she was a child). Her daughter is also doing pretty well at age 11. I think the best you can do is get professionals involved to offer perspective and ideas. Accept help if it's offered. Be patient with yourself, and don't discount medication for yourself if your anxiety grows or you feel depressed - it's not weakness, it's human.

My daughter is so much more successful than we dreamed of when she was young. Married, with a job and children, adult friends, homeowner...all of the markers of a normal functioning adult that contributes to society. And you're on the right track with yours, acknowledging the difficulties and seeking assistance.

Original poster
user0512 · 07/07/2026 16:18

Another hopeful bump?

OP posts:
Original poster
user0512 · 07/07/2026 12:01

Bump

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