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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

822 replies

whereismyhisband · 07/07/2026 08:38

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

OP posts:
paulinespecial · 08/07/2026 06:27

When I flew for the first time I arrived at the airport 6 hours early. My friends (seasoned travellers) arrived 4 hours later. It was just anxiety and excitement.
Now I’m endlessly flying with work and I’m happy to cut it pretty fine.
Just tell her she can arrive whenever she wants but you won’t be there until 2pm (and let her know bag drop won’t be open before then anyway so she’ll be milling around land side for hours.

PollyBell · 08/07/2026 06:19

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100 messages that is normal and the receiver has to just put up with it? If it was man the police would be called

RampantIvy · 08/07/2026 06:16

I couldn't find any flights to Cape Verde from the UK yesterday.

Cuppateasolveseverything · 08/07/2026 06:03

It sounds like you’re also really anxious about the holiday and you can’t handle her anxiety on top of your own. Classic deflection. Either that or you really are an arse.

ThejoyofNC · 08/07/2026 05:11

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And you're lovely are you? Harassment isn't "wanting a little hand hold" FFS. This is a grown woman, it an infant.

PeachySmile2 · 08/07/2026 04:59

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ClayPotaLot · 08/07/2026 02:44

Sensiblesal · 08/07/2026 00:36

I feel so sorry for the ‘friend’ with anxiety having such a shit friend thats not even prepared to try and help her

cancelling would probably do the friend a favour in the long run.

I can’t imagine ever treating a friend so bloody horribly and in such an uncaring way

She's been a pretty shit friend to OP over this.

echt · 08/07/2026 02:30

Sensiblesal · 08/07/2026 00:36

I feel so sorry for the ‘friend’ with anxiety having such a shit friend thats not even prepared to try and help her

cancelling would probably do the friend a favour in the long run.

I can’t imagine ever treating a friend so bloody horribly and in such an uncaring way

What has @whereismyhisband actually done that is so horrible?

The levels of anxiety exhibited are unlikely to be assuaged by anything she could do or say. Such people just move on to the next fearful imagining.

Sensiblesal · 08/07/2026 00:36

I feel so sorry for the ‘friend’ with anxiety having such a shit friend thats not even prepared to try and help her

cancelling would probably do the friend a favour in the long run.

I can’t imagine ever treating a friend so bloody horribly and in such an uncaring way

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 08/07/2026 00:20

She genuinely needs therapy. 100 plus messages and calls about arriving hours and hours too early is anxiety that needs help. Not normal behaviour. Hope your holiday is ok!

nocoolnamesleft · 08/07/2026 00:19

Constant use of the misogynistic slur hysterical doesn't predispose me in your favour.

Fiddlesticks357 · 08/07/2026 00:11

SunflowerTed · 07/07/2026 23:17

Im not sure I’d want to go on holiday with you. You sound angry

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This. Be a nicer person.

Cailin66 · 07/07/2026 23:37

mnareshatrantee · 07/07/2026 18:43

@Cailin66 you can’t be this naive surely. It’s a wind up thread.

Well if it is the OP better keep going, I could do with a week of mirth and frivolity.

SunflowerTed · 07/07/2026 23:22

whereismyhisband · 07/07/2026 08:38

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Does she know she is going away with a disloyal backstabber?

SunflowerTed · 07/07/2026 23:17

whereismyhisband · 07/07/2026 08:43

At this point I’d genuinely rather lose the £800 on the holiday than have to put up with hysterical panic. We’re both adults ffs, it’s an airport! It’s nothing to be scared of

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Im not sure I’d want to go on holiday with you. You sound angry

Bunny44 · 07/07/2026 23:09

I've read all of OP's messages, and as a frequent traveller I'd also find this incredibly irritating to the point of regretting booking with my friend. I also travel with friends frequently and have never experienced anything close to this thankfully. The friend's anxiety is clearly unreasonable and I don't think OP needs to indulge that. 100s of messages and calling when OP is working and has stated her arrival time is clearly bonkers. I hope the trip goes ok and the friend calms down.

Booboobagins · 07/07/2026 22:51

What sort of friend are you?

Reassure her fgs. Tell her if she needs to, to go to the airport and you'll see her there otherwise hold tight, 12pm and I'll be clear. All packed and ready to go.

Bellabeth80 · 07/07/2026 22:26

@whereismyhisband If this person is worthy enough for you to agree to go on holiday with her, then she’s worthy enough for you to have some empathy. You can explain to her that you can work until 12 and still make it to the airport in time. It’s very extreme to cancel a holiday on the day because she’s mithering. Be a good friend.

SENsupportplease · 07/07/2026 22:23

thesealion · 07/07/2026 18:57

Honestly, my background with mental health issues has made me less empathetic, not more. If it seems like someone is making no effort to help themselves I’ve got time for it. Also having a mental health issue does not absolve someone of having a negative impact on other people. It might be an explanation, but it’s not an excuse, and nobody is owed endless tolerance. OP is absolutely within her rights to question whether she wants to holiday with someone like this. I’ve behaved appallingly in the past because of poor mental health, but even at the time, I didn’t expect people to put up with it or engage with me. It’s fine to expect support up to a point but once your behaviour is negatively affecting someone else to the point they can’t/don’t want to help any more, they’ve every right to walk away. 100 text messages in one morning crosses that threshold!

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Agree with this - both mine and dealing with other peoples.

I've had to become less empathetic to survive, I went through severe burnout thanks to being a doormat and giving too many of my spoons to people like the OPs friend.

I assume many of those posting don’t understand the cost of dealing with this sort of anxiety and demand constantly.

PunnyPlumPanda · 07/07/2026 22:15

whereismyhisband · 07/07/2026 08:49

Well she was until this! I just can’t be doing with it. She’s an adult! And panicking that we’re going to miss the flight that’s still half a day away

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Holy moly.

you have zero empathy for her with this at all

gosh. Your friend is anxious with something. Help her!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 07/07/2026 22:15

@DaysIllRememberAllMyLife

ooh I missed that

Please can you point me in the right direction ?

tho that explains the other references to rainy puddles - I thought it was a line from a song that is being referred to.

PunnyPlumPanda · 07/07/2026 22:14

whereismyhisband · 07/07/2026 08:38

I’m due to go on a girl’s holiday for a week with a friend, an all inclusive to Cape Verde.

This friend had warned me that she’s somewhat of an anxious traveller, but that it would be fine.

Our flight is at 4:45pm. Our airline has said be there a maximum of three hours early.

The airport is half an hour from my house and my job is 15 minutes in the other direction from my job.

I am working until 12, so that I only needed to take a half day of leave.

She has been texting me since 6am asking if I’m sure I want to work today, and asking if we should leave for the airport at 10! I can’t deal with this today, I have a lot to do before I finish at work and don’t see the need for it. I’ve never traveled with her before and to be honest if I’d known she was like this I’d not have booked it. AIBU to just not go?

Never. I’d never cancel the holiday for that.

no way.

LuckyHazelFox · 07/07/2026 22:06

Babyboomtastic · 07/07/2026 22:01

She'll have checked in, had a dip and casually downed a cocktail in 15 minutes!

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Pmsl 😆

GimmieABreakOr3 · 07/07/2026 22:02

I want the update

Babyboomtastic · 07/07/2026 22:01

LuckyHazelFox · 07/07/2026 21:58

10 minutes to get through arrivals and back to hotel then.

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She'll have checked in, had a dip and casually downed a cocktail in 15 minutes!