To call off girl’s holiday on the day?

Be honest. Tell her she's welcome to arrive very early but you will not. Also that her messages are driving you nuts and you are switching off your phone till an hour before take off . And will text her when you get to the airport

She wasn't prewarned. The opposite, in fact. She was told it would be fine. Which this isn't.

Tbh, I wouldn't go. Save you a headache on all the messages and save her a miserable week with a grumpy person who's smarting from 100's of messages.
Call it a day, then everything is fine, apart from a friendship.

And it is the OP's job to alleviate her friend's anxiety because.....?

You cant cancel on the day, it’d be both a massive overreaction and mean considering you’re only travelling with one other person, and there’s no illness or other unforeseen emergency at play stopping you going.

Just reply saying “no, can’t leave any earlier as I’m working until 12 unfortunately. I’ve got some stuff to do for work so won’t be able to message again until I’ve finished. If you wanted to go ahead earlier than that then no worries and I’ll meet you there, but if not I’ll see you at 12.30” and leave it at that

If its really 100 messages and all this morning i'd worry my friend was having an acute psychotic episode and unwell, and i would phone them. This is not normal. Has she got a history of mental illness? I'm worried she's going to be unwell and chaotic on the plane or the small island and require medical help. Do you know her well OP?

You both sound pretty dramatic to be fair.

Cancelling the holiday indeed 🤣

It could easily be 100
messages if friend sends each sentence as a single message like I do

Yeah we shouldn't coddle people with obvious health issues. Let's buldoze all the disabled toilets and access ramps too. No more passenger assistance at train stations. People with no legs should just manage to walk better. They're adults. They should be able to cope without help

If she wants to go to the airport early, just let her crack on and do it. Reply saying you have meetings til 12 and will arrive as agreed.

And are people missing that the friend is trying to get OP to cancel work hours / minutes before starting? That’s not reasonable, that’s adding stress and pressure for OP, who may have her own responsibilities to focus on before a weeks holiday.

If you're going to riu palace don't cancel. Just message her and say I'm really busy with work, I appreciate you're stressed but I have alot to do and can't answer any more messages. Il get you at x at x time. Go get some kalms and chill out.

Sounds like your friend will have a better time without your awful attitude. I’m not saying her reaction is normal but anxiety is real and hard to manage. You are the opposite end of the scale and seem to want to leave it to the last minute. Not really sure why you thought you’d both cope well with this trip.

Your babyish response to throw your toys out of the pram because you’re not getting your way is just as unreasonable as her wanting to leave too early for the airport. You need to grow up!

If you struggle to cope with others, maybe solo travel is best? Humans are fallible.

I have a flying phobia. Lots and lots of therapy for it. It is made worse by aggression from others. A hand hold (literally holding hands) helps. Being told it's all in my head and stop stressing makes it worse.

It isn't about 'doing it to others'. It's about the friend having a panic attack. But if you think that stuff is controllable you should set up in business. You could save the MH industry millions of £££.

This!
It's clear the OPs friend is an anxious traveller and the OP is just being a rude tosspot instead of trying to alleviate said anxiety. Instead she wants to cancel a holiday knowing her friend won't go alone.

You can’t be that busy at work , you’ve managed to spend a lot of time on Mumsnet ! Feel a bit sorry for your friend if I’m honest . Hopefully you can both relax and enjoy the time together

Some odd responses here. There’s a big difference between asking for a little reassurance or wanting to go to the airport a bit early- and 3 hrs before the flight is already what I would qualify as early- and sending over 100 messages and expecting OP to arrive 6 hrs early and using more annual leave.

It doesn’t bode well for the rest of the trip that OP is apparently this ladies human crutch. I wouldn’t cancel the trip but I would tell her not to message any more and have a compassionate but firm conversation about the number of messages.

If she is that anxious about travelling she should never have agreed to the trip in the first place.

What makes ot a girls holiday

Being anxious = fine. Being not anxious = fine.

Making the other person unnecessarily stressed out before the trip = not fine and it seems like you are both doing that to each other because you couldn't be more diametrically opposite in your views.

Don't cancel if this is just about flights.

Do tell her that you cannot answer the phone between now and being home/en route to the airport and that she is welcome to get to the airport earlier if she prefers.

Do tell her that bag drop only opens 2/3 hours before the flight so that won't help with any of the other security/passport queues she is worried about.

If she wants more control on that then she can pay for fasttrack for herself or for both of you.

That's it. Good luck and have a great holiday!

Presumably you're worried that it isn't just the flying, OP, and that she'll be hassling you all holiday, one way or another, and make it a bit of a nightmare? Because I can actually see that if she's like this with every bit of travel or activity once you get there as well, that that might actually be worth canceling for.

Do you know anyone she has been on holiday with well enough to check in with them and ask? If not, then when you meet up with her, sitting her down and making her tell you what she is actually going to be like on the holiday might be wise. If it does look like this is just the flights, you can probably just be firm about it. But if she's going to be wanting to be hours early for every bus/ day trip/ show/ etc., check out every restaurant in advance 8 different ways, and go over every choice a dozen times, that could be torturous and dropping out, even at the airport, might be wise.

By 9.46 it was over 100! (And well
after the time that OP was meant to start her busy day 🙄)

Sorry, I think it’s your attitude that stinks. Once she is on the plane she’ll most likely be fine. Just ignore her messages and get on with all that work you’ve got to finish in the next couple of hours.

Just general conversation
If my friends are going away sometimes the conversation is around getting to the airport. I know people who like to be super early. Also know people who turn up last minute. People who don't care where they sit, people who have to have aisle seat.

Hi @whereismyhisband

I can see both sides here - I have (slight) anxiety about missing flights (based on experiences with exH), my DP wants to stay in the Lounge until the last possible second. So I usually leave a bit ahead of him, that way we're both happy.

Your friend obviously has extreme anxiety about travelling, and totally downplayed this to you.

100+ messages today about travelling to the airport is utterly excessive, but indicative of just how bad her anxiety is. It is a MH condition, I'm sure she's not doing it on purpose. She should definitely seek help to manage it.

You need to develop a method for YOU to deal with HER - for example, after the first few messages I would have said 'I'm leaving my house at x time, if you want to leave earlier I will meet you at the airport. I will not be responding to any more messages as I'm getting ready for/at work'.

Leaving that early for a 4.45pm flight when the airport is so close is ridiculous - you can't check in early anyway.

As for the return journey, I would lay it out for her a few days ahead of it what the timings are. If she wants to she can make her own alternative arrangements eg book an earlier taxi to the airport.

I hope you both have a great holiday!

You should definitely cancel. You’re both going to have a miserable time.

You won’t though. You just want to moan.