To call it a day with DP as his "ex" wife books yet ANOTHER holiday on one of her custody weekends and he just sucks it up.

Someone who panders to her, rather than stepping up for his kids. She should dump him so he can find someone who appreciates him. Its all about perspective. 🤷‍♀️

Having his own kids maybe half a dozen extra times over a 3 year period, with no other details about their wider relationship isn't saying he doesn't appreciate her.

OP is a girlfriend, not a wife or stepmum so she should realistic come below his children when it actually doesn’t affect her that much.

Yeah if he doesn't man up, I think OP probably should separate and find someone who appreciates her rather than panders to his ex

She doesn't. She can dump the man who is prioritising his kids and find one who doesn't. Personally, I think it is a bit shit when a grown adult is throwing their toys out the pram and calling a responsible father wet and weak for his priorities.

You don't agree. As is your prerogative.

Going back to my original post. Men who put themselves before their kids are ten a penny. She can trade this one in for one of those.

I don’t see it as him being weak. I think it’s a good thing he doesn’t live in constant battles with his ex and just lets things slide. It’s the best thing for the children. I say that as someone who grew up with divorced parents who were always trying to score points against each other and me and my brother were always caught in the crossfire.

6 weekends in years is “constantly”?

I understand it's frustrating for you but in his shoes I'd do the exact same thing. Living apart from my children 50% of the time would be incredibly hard and I'd jump at any opportunity for extra time with them 🤷‍♀️

Plus it would be awful for the kids to feel like neither parent wanted them because they were both planning holidays without them...

TBH he sounds like a good dad who puts his children first (as he should).

People will say he’s under the thumb, a wet blanket etc, all the things people on me say whereas they’d what? Argue and have the kids potentially think their parents are arguing not to have them? Avoid a weekend with their kids? I don’t call it weak for him to be there for his kids. Just pick another weekend! And if you want to call it a day over this then what was the last few days for? He’s nearly divorced!

Sure but how about the OP? Are the stepparents not people anymore who also matter? Do they always need to come last in the pecking order? I think not.

The children would not suffer from spending a weekend with grandparents or the mum having to cancel her holiday (rather than OP having to). Why does she always need to bend over backwards and be the last one in the priority order? OPs husband should absolutely put his foot down and say no to the ex every once in a while. She is the one being selfish, not OP or her husband.

I would cut my losses. There is too much drama with the ex-wife. That and he’s weak. Life is too short for that.

Yes I agree. I'm dating someone who is in a pretty complicated situation with their ex and childcare arrangements, and it definitely is giving me pause about how viable a relationship is, but I don't blame him, he genuinely is in an incredibly difficult position and it's not as simple as just saying no. You can't actually force people to stick to even court ordered childcare arrangements, and they are your kids at the end of the day - and you will have to deal with the coparent for a long time, no one wants to make things worse and have that impact on the children/your relationship & access to them.

My exH is constantly fucking off on holidays. I don't think that is ok. I think he's a nob. And the same would apply if the sexes were reversed.

What I do know though is that the right thing for me to do for my children is provide them with a stable home where they know they are always welcome.

No, I don't, but try to reach some kind of compromise and find common ground with the woman he's made a commitment to. It's not really fair for her to be binned off constantly.

@Ezzee
I can relate to this so much. Similar situation to us although I had no DC of my own when I met DH. We now have 2 and DSD is with us FT due to many reasons with her bio mum but ultimately because she was/is flaky and inconsistent etc. We're 14 years in now and feels like we finally have some peace lol and have a happy, settled family unit. It's hardwork to navigate but I'm a firm believing in I knew what I was getting into when I met DH and both he and DSD came as a package which unfortunately inc the ex 😂

Understand this is frustrating & unfair OP It would (and has) got to me on occasion before. However, I think you need to look past the Ex wife and think of the DC in this. I would have never expected my DH to refuse his DD whether it be "his time" or not. If the shoe was on the other foot what would you do with your DC if your ex said he had booked a holiday? I understand how frustrating it is when you feel like an ex dictates your relationship/family life etc but it isn't forever & the DC will remember all the times dad and you spent with them.

Is this really necessary?
I started to date whilst separated (so still technically married), as the paperwork is long and drawn out. The split was amicable & we’d been like housemates for a good while before deciding to split. How long should people wait before moving on?

Is there any family who can have them on either side? Aunts/uncles/grandparents?

If Parent A regualrly bails on parenting, then reasonable people understand why Parent B has no choice but to fill the void and step up. All reasonable people would say to Parent A that they should stop bailing, but Parent A is rarely seeking advice for this situation. Parent B refusing is rarely an option because people like Parent A will usually make arrangements that are unsuitable or even dangerous if any at all.

It's hard OP and unless you have been in the situation you really don't know how it feels!
Yes he's being a good Dad, yes the ex if taking the piss.
I am 20+ years down the line and sorry but do have a successful blended family!

We were lucky as we were friends for a very long time before getting together ( since early childhood) so our children knew each other and already did spend time together ( since my the kids were little). There was no cheating, I wasn't the OW and he wasn't the OM, both single for a long time and why we started doing things together so they kids would have fun with a child their own sort of age.

We didn't go on our first 'date' for 6 months, both our ex's were awful and any wiff that would be spending just us time was suddenly filled with a child or 2.
Eventually both ex's buggered off and we had legal custody of both, no weekend visits, no time alone unless we paid for sitters, both full-time parents to 2 children.
As they got older we did have more time and we were lucky in that family would help out.
We were together about 3 years before we got the first weekend away just us.
We were of the mind of this is what it has to be, we will have time when they are grown and we do, it was hard but it's not forever OP, suck it up because if you are supposed to be together you will have years of fun, holidays and time together.
I promise you that when you reflect in 20+ years like I am you will love your DP more for being the step up parent, being solid and reliable because this shows you what your life will look like, what sort of person he is.
My DH is the best Dad to both our children, ( we don't have a bio child together because our kids didn't need that shit).

First of all, everyone who is sticking up for the dad is saying he is doing the right thing by his kids. Not commending him for helping the ex out. She isn't the reason why he is stepping up.

Secondly, she isn't contstantly doing this. It has happened a handful of times in the last 3 years and this time it's due to a hobby of hers that will take up two weekends in a row. They have a more flexible arrangement than OP and her ex and there is nothing wrong with that.

It’s not an issue, because it doesn’t bother him.

Not every parent thinks having your children slightly more than 50% of the year is catastrophic.

Noone is defending the woman.

But when children have a flakey parent it's quite right that the other parent provides them with a stable home where they are always wanted.

He carries half the load and more, that’s the issue because the mum keeps booking holidays during her weeks so he’s likely having his children more than 50:50 as a result.

Imagine this the other way around though, if the dad was constantly fucking off on holidays and leaving mum with the kids during HIS weeks. I think people are only defending her on this because she’s a woman personally. It’s blatant double standards. She’s shoddy and the OP’s partner is a wet lemon for accepting it constantly.

He sounds like a decent Dad, OP. And that's more attractive than a parent who won't carry their half of the load.