To call it a day with DP as his "ex" wife books yet ANOTHER holiday on one of her custody weekends and he just sucks it up.

Honestly this! As someone who has never laid eyes on my biological father, I applaud him. They’re his priority! It’s unfortunate that it sometimes impacts the OPs times together but it’s not forever

I think you’re unreasonable. They’re his children too. Yes it’s annoying that she doesn’t book her weekends but equally, most absent parents would jump at the chance to spend the extra time with their children.

The fact that so many men are shit doesn't mean this man is going above and beyond by equally sharing parenting with his ex. If a woman has her kids 50/50 no one sees that as her particularly prioritizing her children.

I suppose the fact that so many men are shit at parenting their kids does mean the OP has options for dads with more time though...

I've read all your replies OP and understand you feel a bit pissed off.

I'm going to say in this case to an extent your DP"ers ex is taking the piss a bit, she books these holidays knowing it's her time to have her own DC, which she only has 50% of the year anyway yet continues to book holidays during time she's due to spend with them.

If it were a one off due to timings of going away with friends that were tied to only going at set times it's acceptable to ask their dad to have them, but its not, she's showing that she values her own holidays and time spent away from her DC more than she values time spent with them.... That's not acceptable.

Edited to ask....does she swap days or just not bother making up lost time with them?

He's putting his children's best interests before his girlfriend's feelings. As all good parents should do.

Missing the point here I know, but you only ever have your own kids at the same time he has his??? I’ve never shared custody of my child so that might be normal but I can’t help feeling bad for your kids that they never get time any time with you, without his kids being there? Do you ever get to spend quality time with them?

Does your DH enjoy having the kids extra time, does he not mind having them while his ex is on holiday? It’s not about him being weak, he’s a dad and his kids come before anyone and it’s good to see a dad doing that.

You were not there.
There was no give and take. He meekly did what he was told and was too scared to ask if he could ever swap anything about.
Absolutely everything was on her terms. Not the kid's terms. Hers.
I sat there listening to him begging to see them too.

I didn't want to have to deal with all that so I dumped him.

The whole package also involves someone that often dislikes you for no reason other than you exist. I'd accepted he was a package with children. Not a package with a problematic ex.
Not worth the hassle.

It's like she's expecting this to work in the same way as it would if they were both childfree, and clearly thinks that his kids are nothing to do with her.

It's just bizarre - why start a new relationship with a man who has 2 children and then complain that his children occasionally get in the way of your romantic breaks with him?

As a family with 4 kids, I am unsure why it's an expectation that you would be having romantic getaways without organising childcare. It's certainly not something that would be happening in a married couple family. My husband and I have had one weekend away without DD or SD in the last 6 years. If you want to go on holiday then why don't you do what every other family does and take the children with you? That would be a good opportunity to get to know his children.

And yet, if boyfriend prioritised me instead of his kids then he would have been history. No way would I want to be with a man who didn't put his children first

I didn't insinuate anything. Just that she isn't his wife, his kids step-mum or his partner. OP has explained that they don't live together and see each other when they both don't have their kids so she doesn't know his kids really.

Because she has literally stated she barely knows his children and rarely sees them.

Perhaps read the thread for jumping on people who are discussing the information that is actually available.

If both OP's kids and her DP's kids are teenagers, I can well imagine that during their respective custody time with their kids, they are not attempting to force teenagers to interact/blend, they're off doing their own thing with their kids.

So how would she get to know them, without treading into 'here are your new step siblings, tada, all play nicely now' territory!

And if they're not all teenagers, eg. hers are very much younger, again that's not appropriate so means each person spends their custody time with their kids separately, not trying to shove everyone together.

OP's right, damned if you do, damned if you don't!!

@mondaycando1 You have to have a serious discussion with him, offering a swap is reasonable IF you have no plans, but just accepting what his ex asks for without considering you is not.

I would also suggest he talks to his kids and re-iterates to them that he is ALWAYS there if THEY need him, but he will no longer be cancelling plans to pander to their mothers whims (assuming they are old enough). It is horribly unfair on the kids too, to be dumped off with the other parent whenever she fancies, they're getting old enough to have plans of their own now.

@snoken

Umm yeah I know it's the accurate term, but it doesn't mean she is any lesser (like you are keen to insinuate). And how do you know whether OP lives with the kids 50% of the time or pays for the food shopping and bills, or how well she knows the step kids? She hasn't mentioned anything about that. You're very quick to jump to conclusions and have just decided to brand her as a lesser girlfriend. Shame on you

How can you possibly know that? Maybe he's mature enough to realise that it's not about keeping score with his ex, it's about being the best parent he can be regardless of her actions.

agree their mum isn't putting them first by booking holidays during her time. That doesn't mean he shouldn't step up though. If anything it makes sense that he would want to prioritise them more to avoid them feeling sidelined.

Honestly OP, if you don't want to come second to your partner's children, split up and find someone who doesn't have kids (or perhaps someone with adult children). No good person puts a romantic relationship before their children.

Just to add, my (now) husband wouldn't be a husband if he hadn't put my feelings before his ex wife's and been weak in standing up to her. He would've been history.

He is prioritising his ex wife, not the children
she is the one rejecting them, he only books holidays when he knows they are with their mum, she does not do that

and DP should not enter in to new relationships if he isn’t willing to prioritise his new partner by pandering to his ex

if he was booking all these holidays when he’s meant to have the kids that would be cruel, it is the ex wife doing that

Rude to throw around the facts that they aren’t married?
It’s an accurate description of their relationship.

It's accurate though. She doesn't really know his kids so she isn't a step-mum to them, and they don't live together or share finances/bills/food shopping etc. so she isn't a partner either. They just see each other when they don't have their kids. I think girlfriend/boyfriend is probably the correct term here, even though it sounds a bit juvenile.

How demeaning. They've been together for three years, so quite rude to be throwing those types of comments around 🙄

He's putting her feelings before yours. Not acceptable.

Meh. He prioritises his kids already by having them 50:50 which the vast majority of men wouldn’t dream of doing, most women are lucky if the guy agrees to EOW… He’s having them more than the 50:50 agreed because the ex keeps booking trips away during her weeks. It isn’t like OP is moaning because her partner sees his children once in a blue moon and she doesn’t want that. She’s only complaining because the mum keeps deliberately booking trips away during her own weeks with DC which is sabotaging her own time with her DP.