AIBU to expect my husband to help with bedtimes.

We’ve always alternated, or split up and dealt with kids separately when we had 2 in different rooms. I’ve had jobs where I’ve worked away for a night or 2 occasionally as well so DH would do bedtimes solo. I didn’t work for a year when we had 2 under 4 and he still did bedtimes.

I really sympathise and understand why you had to give up employment. I had similar problems with a school refusing child and it’s frankly a miracle I still have a job (largely because DC was older and DH worked from home)

Your not asking him to help you are asking him to parent his own children.

Such useless men around.

For reference me and my husband do it this way: we have twins but he works 9-5.30. therefore my sham hours are 9-5.30. everything after that is shared. One cooks/one cleans one does bathtime/one does bedtime etc

Why are your hours 24/7?

Im a SAHM and my husband does bedtime alone every night. He actually wants to so he can spend time with DC. I spend that time doing chores so we can both relax together in the evening.

I deteste doing bedtime. Its my least favourite time of the day. So DH mainly does it.

I do it occasionally to give him a break.

Any man with twins who left his wife do all the work is a monster. Whatever about one child surely he could see it's nearly impossible with twins. He obviously has no interest in his children or he would want to spend time with them. Does he ever kick a ball or play a game with them? Try and go back to work and prepare to get free from this horrible, selfish man

He's being unreasonable. I'm a SAHM, DH works long hours. He puts both of our kids to bed every weeknight provided he's home (he's frequently away or not home in time but if he's there he puts them to bed). It's the main time he gets to spend with them each day.

My DH worked long hours but when he was home, he did his fair share of parenting - playing, feeding, changing, bathing, homework, bedtimes. He did this because he actively wanted to spend time with his children. He missed them when he had to work away or work late. I was a SAHM and did most of the housework but when he was home, he would clear up after dinner/put washing on and hang it up - basically whatever needed to be done. And he never complained about it.

Your husband is an arse 🙁

My partner works shifts so some weeks he isn’t here at bedtime at all and other weeks he is here every night. If he is at home in the evening then 2 evenings a week I’m at work and he does bedtime alone. If we are both here then we split it- 1 of us does bath and PJs, the other does stories and settling her (still needs someone to sit in there for the first 10mins). If he is at work I obviously do bedtime alone but if he has had a week of not being here at bedtime then he will do bedtime on his own for 1-2 nights to give me a break. 2 evenings a month he comes in from working a 12hr shift right at bedtime but having not seen DD all day he will take over where ever I have got to and do the rest of bedtime.
We only have 1 DD who is 4.

I have 4 children, twins included. Mine are all getting a bit older now, but my husband always helped with bedtime once he got home from work.

He doesn’t respect you, it doesn’t even sound like he likes you!
Does he actually have anything to do with his kids?
what a horrible man…

Both did bedtimes together.
Never would have thought that the role belonged to one person.
sorry.

Started reading this thinking well it depends what you agreed but by the end I'm thinking even if you agreed to do it all there's really no need for him to be so weird about it. If he doesn't like how you do things he's got a fucking cheek not doing anything himself.

That said do you really need to "do bedtime" for children 7+? Cmon

Your husband sounds like trash. I just can’t comprehend staying in a relationship where your partner does not care about you. If I were you, if he remains completely uncaring for you, I’d announce you were off out for the evening – leave him to it, and tell him it will be a 1-2 nights a week that you’ll be doing that from now on.

Yes, my DH does bedtime every night.

DH works full time, I work PT from home, he does every single bath and bed time with baby daughter (age 11 months).
YANBU

I work double my dp hours over the course of a year, we both do a full days childcare each, dp gets a school day a week child free. I work 8-6 on my working days, and I come home and do bedtime together. That’s the parenting role and teamwork aspect of our relationship and quite normal to either take turns or just pitch in together. Neither of us opt out because we have been at work. Pathetic.

Yeah this is not ok. Why does he think bedtime stories are not important?

If he would give anything to stay home... Ant chance you could both work part time so that it's a bit more equal? It may not work financially if he's the higher earner but if it does you should call his bluff...

Would you still point blank refuse if you were very specific and said go read 2 chapters to the older ones whilst you deal with the younger ones? What would he do if you found a weekly hobby that took you out of the house at bedtime one night a week? Maybe time to try it and see if he’ll step up when it’s put to him directly.

But I think he’s being a crap Dad tbh as well as a bad partner. Most parents, if they’ve been at work all day and not seen the kids, would want to do bedtime because it’s spending time with them…

He's being a prick. Also, he seems really resentful of you being at home. If your kids are more settled now, would it be possible for you to work part time at least. It would give you more justification for him 'coping with his own children' and also give you some options if you need to leave.

I've also been with my DP since we were teenagers. We each put one child to bed except for one evening a week when I do both so he can go out and occasionally when I'm out. Your DH is not doing what he should.

Something jumped out in your post. You have a DC who has had a tricky time at school to the point you agreed to stop working for a while. How was your husband then? Actually supportive of the decision? Putting your child's needs first? Or was it a mere yeah whatever it's your problem kind of thing?

Your twins, put them to bed separately. I'd make one go downstairs and watch TV or sit with husband (this won't be easy) and one goes to bed. The next night it's the opposite twin. They may well learn it sucks to be the one who goes to bed 'early' instead of together.

Is there any ND/SEN going on?

When I was a SAHM and DH was working full time long hours in a highly paid stressful job he would help with bedtime whenever he was home in time.

I read this to my husband who has just got back from taking DS swimming and is in the kitchen getting dinner on.
His words were "wow, he sounds like a pig."

For reference my husband works full time and I'm self employed, I haven't done a regular bed time since DS was about 6 because they love reading their stories together and it's a nice little bonding time for them. When cooking every night became stressful for me DH learned to cook, when things become too stressful for DH I step in. We are an equal partnership, sometimes that means one of us needs to do more.

I genuinely couldn't be with a man who belittled me about asking for support. It's disgusting behaviour on his part.

Does saying this kind of bullshit make you feel better about your own life?

My partner does pretty much every bed time. We have two kids an almost 6yo and a 10 month old. I'm on a career break at the moment and he works full time

When our DC were small, DH was a SAHD while I worked full time. When I got home from work, I got stuck in straight away with parenting. Because I wanted to spend time with DC, and because I respected that SAHD was also a full-time job.