AIBU to expect my husband to help with bedtimes.

DD would ask to go to bed between 6.30 and 7.30. DS would wait for us to say bedtime. DD would have slept in if left 8.00am, DS up at 5.30am and waking DD before 6am! This was all before 5yo. DH would mostly do bedtimes if on correct shift.

We limit time outdoors after 5 at this time of year as the longer days mean her body isn't ready to sleep at a sensible time otherwise.

You don’t allow a 6 year old outside to play past 5pm in the summer??

The more my daughter does the more awake she gets! She's also a low sleep needs child, she was only sleeping 10pm -5am the other week.

I also only mean only as an exercise in buying time with the elder two. I have a 10 month old and on days where I'm on my I need her to have 30 minutes in her room unattended whilst I get him fed and changed to then go back and spend time with her and complete her bed time.

She can and does come out of her bedroom and makes requests, doesn't matter if she's making noise. As long as she's not causing harm to herself or her toys she's gets to crack on for what ever time she needs. It doesn't have to quiet as such just not any toys that she finds addictive. It's more about being occupied whilst approaching bed time. I use quiet to more reflect mental state really. The xylophone on one of her favourite things to play with at this time which is far from quiet in the noise perspective but it isn't going to be a massive dopamine hit for the brain

We are also modelling her doing her own problem solving during the day. So that we instill the idea we aren't going to fix everything at her immediately. We currently trying to manage epic meltdowns. She managed to hide behind my wardrobe screaming the other day in a disagreement about whether she needed breakfast and then was dragged off me by the deputy head whilst she also clung to the school railings so not the meek and mild type either!

You're responsible for the dc while he's at work, when he's home he's 50% responsible. So he should either be doing bedtime for 2 dc every night (and not always the easier two) or all for dc every other night. That's what would be normal in most families.

He sounds like a shit dad tbh.

Before my second was born I didn’t do any bedtimes at all! My partner has always been in charge of bedtime with my son, they have a lovely little routine and it’s their time together because I get so much time with him during the day when my partner is working (I’m currently on mat leave). Now we have a second I do her bedtime while my partner still does our son’s

Your husband sounds like a lazy arsehole. My husband does one of the most back breaking strenuous jobs on the planet 6 days a week, long hours. But when he is in the house everything that needs doing is split down the middle and he has never missed a bedtime. Do not allow this, what a disgusting POS

Your husband sounds like a lazy arsehole. My husband does one of the most back breaking strenuous jobs on the planet 6 days a week, long hours. But when he is in the house everything that needs doing is split down the middle and he has never missed a bedtime. Do not allow this, what a disgusting POS

Yeah he’s an arsehole! Being at home with kids is a harder job than going out to work so he needs to get a grip and fix up!

This sounds lovely but I suspect the OPs twins are very similar to mine who are the same age and unfortunately it really just wouldn't be possible to leave them to have "quiet time" in their bedrooms at night. They would very quickly start carrying on, being very loud, fighting, be coming out of the bedroom repeatedly to find a parent to make a request, tell or ask them something etc. My children go to bed between 7 and 8pm. Granted they don't usually seem very tired but honestly, they could get up between 5 and 6am as they normally do then we could have the busiest day - the type that people will make comments about like "Oh they'll sleep tonight!" And my children will still be going strong at 9/10/ even 11pm. Even starting school I was promised they would just be soooo exhausted. Nope, not mine! 😂

I do 100% of bedtimes and always have, though I only have 2 DC, but both are ND. My DH is the only father I know who hasn't shared doing bedtimes with his partner. Me having to do difficult bedtimes is one of a number of reasons why our marriage is not great at this point.

Mine does loads . He's fab

She's not a SAHP to a baby or toddler or home schooling. All kids are in full time school. It's farcical to claim she's that busy between the hours of 8.30 - 3.30 pm, 5 days a week. The entire point of being a SAHP when your kids are in school is for everyone to have an easier life. Someone takes on the home stuff while someone else goes out for paid work.

No, you have the responsibility during the day. You should have equal 'down time' Also, why doesn't he want to look after his children? What was the point of having them. When they grow up, you have the relationship with them that you have earned. Those children will feel the same way about him as he does about them and not want to bother with them.

No more sex until he pulls his weight. Because you're too tired from dealing with the children yourself all the time.

School only runs for 6 hours, not 8, and I don't imagine OP is lounging around having naps and sipping cocktails for those 6 hours! 'More leisure time', yeah, okay.

Honestly OP he either doesn't like you or he doesn't like being a Dad, but neither is an acceptable reason to just leave you to it. If I could hear someone I love was struggling with a task whether that was dealing with the children (that he also chose to have?) or anything else, I would jump in to help no matter how tired I was. The fact he thinks he can lounge around whilst you struggle and are visibly stressed is very telling.

No real advice but no, YANBU to be tired and angry and stressed and to be cross with him.

I have an almost 6 yo and she goes to sleep between 9 and 10 at the moment as do most of her friends including the girl who a year ago her parents had to introduce a minimum bedtime as she was wanting to go to bed at 5.

We limit time outdoors after 5 at this time of year as the longer days mean her body isn't ready to sleep at a sensible time otherwise. We make sure her curtains are pulled in the room before she comes up to bed. Our bedtime routine is loosely 7 come upstairs, get changed and teeth then either she reads to us or we read to her until 7.30-7.45 then she has audio booked until 8-8.15 then she has meditation on through the night. She goes to sleep when she is ready. If there is a lot of moving about we go up but otherwise she's left to her own devices. If she's not tired there are some games she can play with she had magnet tiles and jigsaws for example. We do get some ridiculous shouting such as "I've given my socks to my doll so she can be a mermaid and now I have cold feet" ... Get yourself another pair of socks. She now knows she can get most things to meet her needs herself which loses the draw to use them to put off going to sleep.

What are the things that most interest the twins? Could you get them ready for bed at whatever your usual time is, leave them for quiet time in their room - low red lighting. Have some time with your older too before their bedtime and then leave them to get ready for bed whilst you finish bedtime with the twins.

Alternatively, I would look at other times of day you could get that time to read with the eldest two.

What the hell? Just because he has a job it doesn’t mean he isn’t a dad? My DH would hate to miss bedtimes - even the tough ones, it’s part of being a parent. We have 2 kids and took one each back in the tough days.

Do you know what really makes me angry about these disgusting, lazy fuckwit men (amongst many things)? Their illogical insistence that when a mum is at home looking after kids it's easy and they 'have it made' and yet apparently this same childcare becomes a huge chore when they're expected to do it.

Pick a lane dickheads - either staying home is easy and fun, in which case parenting your kids in the evenings is easy and fun too, or it's hard, in which case your wife/partner has had as hard a day as you and you should be sharing the load.

Ugh. I'm so angry for you op.

I would struggle with 4 kids at bedtime on my own, I have 2 and they both still enjoy us reading them a book before bed at 8 and 10. Yes I can get through it if my husband is out, but it’s more relaxed if he takes one kid and I take the other and they both have one to one attention.

I’d be pissed off if my husband was in bed ignoring me having a crap time of it, does he really not think that it would be a nicer experience all round if he spent some quality time with his children? Wouldn’t he have preferred that as a child? Sorry but to me he sounds selfish and mean.

YANBU and he sounds like a dick but at the same time do 8 and 10 year olds really need to be put to bed? Surely at that age they can manage to sort themselves out? Mine are younger and we share bedtimes, doing one each, even though my DH WFH part time and I work much longer hours in a more demanding job.

As the kids are different ages, they need different bedtimes?

A 6yr old needs more 'structured' bedtimes that your 8 & 10 yr old.

I'd start with a bedtime chart, showing the routine e.g bath, PJ's, teeth brushed, story and bed, along with the times these things will be happening for each child? (I'd put twins in bed by 730pm, 8yr old at 830pm and 10yr old at 9pm so that bedtimes are staggered to allow you to read a story to everyone)

Once you have done the bedtime routine for the twins, any 'messing about' or jumping on beds etc will not be rewarded with more time/attention, but will result in 'lights off and door closed' (even removing light bulbs if necessary), and any messing about before storytime means no storytime that night.

I'd also be asking my DH to do the enforcing of the rules with the 6yr old twins while I was sorting the older CD, as they have had their nice bedtime routine and simply need to be told 'get back in bed!' very firmly until they understand that they cannot mess about at bedtime?

The way it is the SAHPs work hours in their job as the SAHP are the same hours as the parent who goes out of the house to work. Once that person clocks off and comes home the SAHP also clocks off from their job and you are then just two parents looking after your children equally.

Being a SAHP doesn’t mean you are solely responsible for the whole house and all the children 24.7 and the other parent isn’t.

Bet you any money the older two are lovely, sweet girls and the younger two are boisterous boys.

I do think at ages 8 and 10, the bedtime routine should be a quick cuddle, leave them with a book and close the door.

Age 6, they still need some help.

Don't make extra work for yourself and then blame him for it.

We have two. I am a SAHM and DH works.

He does one kid I do the other. We bath them together and he probably does more bath times than I do. I'm pregnant with our third. He's working on bedtime so he can do both kids bedtimes while I do the baby. He did all eldest night wakes while I was bf youngest and would also wake up to get youngest and bring to me to feed then change and settle him.

He finished work early today, came home, made me a sandwich and is looking after youngest while I take eldest to swimming.

You married a dosser.