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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have made remarks about my friend’s dress

376 replies

ladieswholunch23 · 06/07/2026 16:43

Hi all. So, one of my friends is going to a wedding and she’s bought a dress which is…peculiar to say the least. So our group chat (roughly around 8 of us) we - obviously as to not hurt her feelings - we said we liked it as it had already been purchased.

However on our other group chat that she’s not on, we all gave our true thoughts that the dress is hideous and, at the very least, is not suitable for a wedding. Somehow my friend found out about this other group chat and the things we had been saying. Whilst obviously it wasn’t the intention to hurt her, she’s now saying we betrayed her and it has now caused a rift in the friend group. I love to death but she can be a real pain sometimes. AIBU?

OP posts:
Brownwithnopezazz · 06/07/2026 16:58

I have a friend who is very erratic in her clothing choices and I definitely couldn’t tell her. I met her for a celebratory lunch at a posh restaurant a few weeks ago and she turned up in browny rust cheesecloth striped clown trousers and merell walking sandals. With a running vest. I was so astonished I was kind of speechless. She looked really awful. What are you gonna say?! Nothing. But it doesn’t mean you won’t chat about it to your other friends.

Nighttimenoise · 06/07/2026 16:58

Nasty to have a group chat that excludes her , nasty to bitch behind her back. How did she find out about the group chat?

Dave57 · 06/07/2026 16:58

You do know these friends probably also have a group without you? Whenever things like this are discussed in a group setting always be mindful that if they can say it about others they are most likely to be saying it about you too.

Suitplace · 06/07/2026 16:58

Yes, that was really awful of you.

If you're going to say nice things to be nice, you don't then go on to say what you really think behind someone's back.

And you don't use a group chat that includes all but a couple of members in another group to gossip about those who are excluded.

You all sound really nasty.

Itiswhysofew · 06/07/2026 16:57

What do you really expect from her? That's a real dick move from all of you.

Who in the group betrayed you?🤔

Original poster
ladieswholunch23 · 06/07/2026 16:57

Just to let people know the travesty that is this dress because I think I’m getting a hard time here. Reminder - this is for a WEDDING and we are all in our late forties

To have made remarks about my friend’s dress
OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 06/07/2026 16:55

Why a group chat excluding her?

You sound like a bunch of bitches without the dress drama.

Pinkchickenwine · 06/07/2026 16:55

Why didn’t you message her privately your thoughts?
Who set up the new “unkind” group without her?
What did you name it?
Who told her?

You love her to death, but she can be a pain sometimes? So is that your excuse for being nasty?

How do you intend to resolve this with her? Are you intending to apologise personally? What are the other bullies doing?

Knittedfairies2 · 06/07/2026 16:54

How mean of you; not only did you not tell her that you felt her dress was inappropriate, but you created a group chat without her to discuss it. Are you 12?

backformoreofthesame · 06/07/2026 16:53

So once she had bought it you could just have said - no I still don’t like it but it’s not me that’s wearing it

sesquipedalian · 06/07/2026 16:52

How did your friend find out about the other group chat? And was not a single one of you friend enough to be able to point out to her, in a tactful way, what the dress’s shortcomings are?

OriginalSkang · 06/07/2026 16:52

Yeah, you're being horribly unreasonable. Surely you can think about how you'd feel if this happened to you?

Oh, is it a reverse?

ChocolateApples · 06/07/2026 16:52

I'm in the minority here. I don't buy that we all don't have these thoughts about the things our friends choose that we happen not to like. It's okay to admit we don't likely them too each other. So long as it's not deteriorating into a spiteful bitching session. My friends do plenty of things that are not to my taste. I'm not wrong for having different tastes from them. We get on and live our lives. The online thing is if it's really unsuitable then, depending on details, someone could think about having a word, nicely.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 06/07/2026 16:52

Why do you have a group chat with her, and then a separate group chat with what sounds like all the same people, but not her?

Original poster
ladieswholunch23 · 06/07/2026 16:52

Duvetdayneeded · 06/07/2026 16:50

If she’s your friend, why did you not just tell her? Even though she purchased it, she could’ve taken it back still.

We did try and put her off before she bought it (she showed us a few options and we tried to ignore that one as much as possible) but she’s really bad at picking up subtext, and get’s shitty if you disagree with her directly

OP posts:
NarnianQueen · 06/07/2026 16:52

Oooh one of you leaked it to her!

Hatty65 · 06/07/2026 16:51

Bitchy, fake friends are not the type she needs. I'm not surprised it's caused a rift.

If you 'love her to death' you could have either had the courtesy to speak to her honestly about her dress, or to at least refrain from being nasty about it behind her back.

It's all a little bit Year 8.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 06/07/2026 16:51

That was nasty OP. If you really were a friend you would have found a nice way of steering her away from the chosen dress.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 06/07/2026 16:50

That’s horrible. I would never speak to any of you again if I was her

Duvetdayneeded · 06/07/2026 16:50

If she’s your friend, why did you not just tell her? Even though she purchased it, she could’ve taken it back still.

thejelliclecats · 06/07/2026 16:49

You bunch of bullies.

lanzinis · 06/07/2026 16:49

Anyone remember that thread about the pink shiny bo-peep style dress (vague memories, could be wrong)?

Edit - found it https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5524556-friends-awful-dress-and-my-reaction

lanzinis · 06/07/2026 16:48

Your intentions are irrelevant. You were dishonest and slagged off her dress.

Another example of MNers thinking it's fine to lie to people instead of just finding the words to be honest, or keeping quiet if you only have shitty things to say.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/07/2026 16:47

This reply has been deleted

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theresbeautyinwindysun · 06/07/2026 16:47

That is horrible, discussing her in a mean way behind her back.