To let grandparents take 9yo on cruise

She will go to kids clubs? Go with her . Presumably she wont want to share a cabin with gp s ?

The Above 100 per cent.

Imagine if you didn't want her to go and your DH was insisting... what would people on this thread be saying.

You already said you don't trust MIL. DH doesn't trust MIL and FIL can't stand up to MIL who will get her own way taking her out on her own.

What are you still pondering over?

If you don't trust her at home for short periods... why take the risk at overseas water parks???

You don't say why you don't trust MIL

I didn't trust one of my parents and one of DH's parents. Issues such as wandering attention and dangerous driving and angry tantrums.The pushback on this was extremely nasty but to this day I am so glad I didn't take the risk.DC's safety and enjoyment comes first.

If you and DH have your doubts its actually not fair on your MIL/FIL to put them in a position where something might go wrong (even if they can't see it) It something did happen - how would they feel?

I think its pointless wringing your hands and worrying that she will miss out on something. She's missing out on being in the care of someone you don't fully trust. It's your responsibility to keep her safe and sometimes to put up with the pushback. Stand firm and trust your DH's assessment too.

You can find other entertainments and plan days out where she can see the grandparents but where you can better ensure her safety, whether its physical or emotional safety.

Kids go on holidays with good grandparents and if something awful and unexpected happens it is known that it was just an accident, accidents happen, and it could easily have happened under your care too.

If you send your DD in this scenario and something happens you will forever feel like you knew it wasn't a good idea and went against your better judgement.

I'd tell FIL "look, if it was just you taking her that would be fine, but it isn't, and I don't feel comfortable knowing MIL will inevitably do some of the care for her. I don't want you or DD put in the position where you have to put your foot down to be the one who takes her to the water park etc, especially as you're trapped on a cruise. I appreciate the lovely offer and think it would be a great idea under different circumstances."

If you could go with them i would. Cruise ships are huge so you wouldnt even need to spend much time with them....you could just say oh i couldn't find you. I sometimes go and you see people onve and never see them again during the whole cruise.
If you dont trust them maybe its not the best idea as its not just on the ship were she could go kids clhb ect....but whay about the day trips when the boats in port ect.

Such a pity family politics would get in the way of an amazing holiday. If it's RCL, she'll be in clubs most days and looked after. They are strict about kids not being out after a certain time. Cruising is the safest for kids, it's not like there are many places for them to go. She would have such a great time. I feel sorry for her of she doesn't get to go.

If your husband is happy to pay for you and her to go and happy for you to go without him, then why not take her?

If you don't trust MIL at home with your kid, why would you trust her anywhere else? For a whole week? Your gut is telling you it's not a good idea... trust it. Your husband is even saying it's not a good idea... it doesn't sound like it's a good idea. Just saying.

I guess it depends on the nature of your distrust… is she a violent drunk or can she be a bit absent minded?

I wouldn't let her go.

Personally if my child is going to be out of my care then I need to be 100% confident in the people that have them/the place they are going etc etc

There's a lot of unknows and what is know doesn't look too good.

Plus throw the fact your husband is in the no camp - assuming with good reasons - then I'd stick together as a family.

Reward vs risk dont stack up here.

So you are saying your DH would pay for you to go?

In what way would a cruise be boring? Non-stop activities on the ship and a different destination most days. Admittedly I’ve not been on one (yet) but I can’t see how it could be boring.

Your AIBU is different in your title and your OP so any voting won’t make sense as you are asking two opposite questions.

Why don’t you trust your DH judgement about his own mother? You don’t seem very respectful or supportive of him.

I was going to ask if DD knows about it and what are her thoughts, given she's never been abroad before.
Royal carribean ships are fab and I'm sure she would have a blast, especially if there are other kids going.
Is there a chance you could go aswell, or is that totally out of the question?

You cannot send a 9 year old abroad with someone you don’t trust.

And to a waterpark? You are mad for even considering it.

Personally, I would be supporting my husband. He knows his mother and if his relationship is ‘tricky’ with her, why is that? Is it coming from his childhood and if yes, why would you subject your child to that?

Your DD is not ‘missing out’ if she doesn’t go, she is simply not going on this particular trip with these people at this time. I think you need to reframe it in your brain. It’s an invitation not a summons.
Trust your husband!

If DH is saying he can't trust is own mother with his daughter, and that FIL, who is capable and willing to look after her, won't stand up to her if she wants to take her off for the day, then no I wouldn't let her go. There's too much to go wrong ( picturing lost abroad, missing ship at port, etc).
You could go as well, would be nice for `DD, but once you're there, you're stuck on the boat with MiL. How will you frame your decision to DD ?( you can bet that even if she doesn't know it's on the cards now, she soon will).

If there are other children in the group of similar ages, then I imagine your DD would be hanging about with them at various kid clubs etc. The parents will pick up the slack if your FIL needs a break, coffee or nap.

Have you asked your DD?

It think it would be great fun and it's only for a week.

No, there's water involved with the slides and swimming pools and wave machines. You have to absolutely trust the people she's going with. Don't send her.

I can’t think of anything more boring than a cruise so I wouldn’t subject a child to that.

Children going away with grandparents is lovely IF there is a good relationship between everyone in the situation. That is obviously not the case here so I would say no.

It can be - depends on the cruise line and ship! If you can say which, those of us with expertise can advise...

I would not allow her to go.
Her safety is paramount.

No way would I send her