To ask about totally inappropriate behaviour at wedding?

How is your 'special day' affected by someone else having a sexual encounter without your knowledge?

First of all - LOL if you think men never go down on women unless they're getting something in return. You've been shagging the wrong men.

Secondly, you've no idea what they were doing before the OP was incredibly fucking nosy and caught them mid-blowjob. He might have made her come six times already for all you know.

Thirdly, plenty of people get a lot of enjoyment out of making someone else come, and don't require a balance sheet to make sure everyone gets an identical amount of physical attention. I find it weirdly transactional to assume that every sexual encounter has to entail both people dutifully servicing the other.

You don't have to be Emily Bishop to think sex acts should be reciprocal.

Sex acts should be whatever the participants feel like doing. It's not up to you to determine what other people's sex lives 'should' be like.

@Ballotine "They’re often a very long day, and people get drunk from too much hanging around with drink and insufficient canapés waiting for the wedding party to take photographs between the ceremony and the meal."

That's on the people involved. There's no excuse for them to get bladdered.
If they have rooms booked then they can go and have a lie down.

I trust that you raked it afterwards... care of the course and all that...

@Ballotine "And a wedding is just a party if you’re not the bride or groom."

I disagree.

Guests are there to support the bride and groom and to make sure they have a happy day.

Weddings have become far too involved, stressful, expensive, long-winded, tiring and complicated because the Wedding Industry just wants to make money and people want to outdo each other.
This causes some people to loose sight of what a wedding is really all about.

According to figures I've found, the average cost of a wedding UK is £20,000, I had to sit down when I read that.😮

Given the confusion around "getting a ride on a dock" can you clear up what sort of "banging" was going on ? 😁

Well, we have no idea what might have happened next had the OP and the other band member not bustled around the back of the Portaloos.

Yes but you never ever hear of a man going down on a woman in a situation like this, where there's nothing in it for him. You don't have to be Emily Bishop to think sex acts should be reciprocal.

And a wedding is just a party if you’re not the bride or groom.

We’ve all gone to lots and lots of them. In one summer (2005?) , I think I went to eight weddings.

They’re often a very long day, and people get drunk from too much hanging around with drink and insufficient canapés waiting for the wedding party to take photographs between the ceremony and the meal. By the end of dinner, a lot of people are the worse for wear so you get ‘post-nightclub 3 am’ behaviour at about 8 o’clock in broad daylight.

The OP’s friend, as chief bridesmaid, had also possibly been up since the crack of dawn. There’s a current thread from a bridesmaid bemoaning having to be up at 6.30 for the first makeup slot at 7 am. Tiredness and drink don’t always mean the choices you’d tell your granny about

@Ballotine "lots of people used to get up to far more extreme stuff at university balls"

Maybe, I never went to any so I don't know.

But a Uni Ball isn't a special celebration of someone's new life with their chosen Life Partner, it's not personal. It's well, just a Ball and anyone can go if they buy a ticket.

Agree that it’s gross OP. Mumsnet is a weird environment and thread outcomes can really surprise you, this one has for me. Was she not staying overnight as a bridesmaid in the hotel? If so, why not invite him back there later on? I think it’s pretty gross to take a member of the band behind the bike sheds so to speak for a quick BJ, not even like they were locked in a cubicle! Literally anyone could have found them, as you did… As you say as well, at least a child didn’t find them. It’s grim behaviour.

Whereas I don’t know that any of my good friends have, because I wasn’t going searching for them after they went missing with the wedding band singer, but I’d be surprised if some hadn’t. I mean, lots of people used to get up to far more extreme stuff at university balls, and while I never went to any of the Piers Gaveston Society balls or events, a fair few people I know did.

I'm trying hard to imagine one of my 'good friends' having sex in the grounds at a wedding.

Call me old-fashioned, prim, pearl-clutchy etc...but I never had THAT sort of friend!!!😂 If they had done that, I'd be looking askance at them for seflishness, lack of self-control, self-centredness and basically, dreadful taste.

Judgemental much? You betcha, and proud.

I'm trying hard to imagine one of my 'good friends' having sex in the grounds at a wedding.

Call me old-fashioned, prim, pearl-clutchy etc...but I never had THAT sort of friend!!!😂 If they had done that, I'd be looking askance at them for seflishness, lack of self-control, self-centredness and basically, dreadful taste.

Judgemental much? You betcha, and proud.

I'm trying hard to imagine one of my 'good friends' having sex in the grounds at a wedding.

Call me old-fashioned, prim, pearl-clutchy etc...but I never had THAT sort of friend!!!😂 If they had done that, I'd be looking askance at them for seflishness, lack of self-control, self-centredness and basically, dreadful taste.

Judgemental much? You betcha, and proud.

I'm trying hard to imagine one of my 'good friends' having sex in the grounds at a wedding.

Call me old-fashioned, prim, pearl-clutchy etc...but I never had THAT sort of friend!!!😂 If they had done that, I'd be looking askance at them for seflishness, lack of self-control, self-centredness and basically, dreadful taste.

Judgemental much? You betcha, and proud.

The band member wasn’t “finally off duty after a long day”.
He was due back on stage for another set! Probably had someone else lined up for when he was actually off duty.

@Ballotine " just the kind of ordinary enough, untidy, potentially mildly regrettable thing someone might do when drunk and tired and finally off-duty after a long day."

What a load of old codswallop.

Some people in that situation go and have a lie down and/or watch TV.

If they are that drunk and tired where would they get the energy from to mess about?

"I do, however, think it’s hilarious that you would cut off a good friend for having sex in the grounds at your wedding."

People can "cut off" other people for any reason they like. Nothing "hilarious" about it.

I don’t think it’s particularly cool or ‘liberated’ (whatever you might mean by that), just the kind of ordinary enough, untidy, potentially mildly regrettable thing someone might do when drunk and tired and finally off-duty after a long day. I do, however, think it’s hilarious that you would cut off a good friend for having sex in the grounds at your wedding.

Another 'agree' for this.

I've only ever been to sedate, old-fashioned weddings but I've read so much on MN about uncouth and selfish behaviour on someone else's special day.

It's always 'me, me, me'. Er - no - the wedding isn't about you!! Behave for a couple of hours, if you possibly can. Make an assignation for another date.

Yeah, it’s completely inappropriate. But here, you will get everyone telling you how cool she is, and how all women should be doing this as some sort of act of liberation, and what’s wrong with you if you don’t. So, take what you want from that. I’m sticking with completely inappropriate. If that had of been a woman, or man, at my wedding, would have been the last I had anything to do with them as I view it as inappropriate and disrespectful.

At our wedding one of the ushers went off with one of our friends and then also spent the night with her. This usher was going through a messy divorce and was in a relationship with the woman he cheated on his wife with. The next morning at breakfast he was gushing about finding his true love….in front of our friend who he’d just spent the night with. She didn’t know about any of it. He’s since married the OW and had kids with her so hoping he’s changed his ways.