AIBU to retire significantly before my husband

I had to read that three times to make sure I didn't misunderstand.. Same / agree with you! OP is clearly a very nice woman because I am definitely not doing this.

I don’t blame him for not getting into management. As the OP said herself, usually it’s salary based and the title comes with a shit load more responsibility, stress, and uncompensated hours, for often barely 30k before tax. Much, much less in retail
Having both parents working flat out achieves what?

So you’re also paying into a pension and an ISA for him?! Good lord, he’s being very selfish to take the hump at you retiring! You’re doing far more than I would!

Where did I say that he was a ‘shitty lazy slacker’? He could have taken in a higher paid job with more stress but chose not to because he preferred to have an easier life. He’s perfectly entitled to make that choice, but choices have consequences. Now he expects somebody else to fund his retirement.

That’s not the same thing as contributing 50/50 to the family finances though is it? The savings, pensions and holidays are down to OP. It’s perfectly reasonable for OP to expect him to work longer because he hasn’t earned the money to retire early. He could have taken on a higher paying job and additional stress and he chose not to - and now he expects OP to fund his early retirement. He’s being very selfish.

I don’t think it’s too early to have the conversation. I’m late 30s and DH is mid 40s. He loves his job and will retire at 65. We have already talked about me retiring or going part time at about 60 so we can retire together. And we’re planning financially around that. You can’t wait until retirement age to decide what you want to do!
I don’t think you’re unreasonable to want to retire early given your high stress job. The benefit of the high stress job is you earn well which allows you options that others don’t have. Your DH needs to understand that this is the trade off - yes you earn well but for a lot of people that’s not sustainable until full retirement age. He needs to take more responsibility in financial planning and not leave it all to you - this which might mean him pushing to earn more so he can retire early too.

For the poster claiming he doesn't pay 50% of living costs. edited to add: @JumpingJimny

Would you tell a nurse married to a doctor that she was a shitty lazy slacker and should retire later than than her husband because she'd earnt less, despite both working full time?

What about a GP married to a stock broker? Lazy unambitious slacker - why wasn't she more ambitious - of course she should pick up the slack so and work five years longer than her stockbroker husband so that their ETAs would remain untouched.

She didn’t - she clearly says housework and childcare are 50/50 but that ALL money is pooled, she doesn’t keep back her own money. So if that pot is shared for the family outgoings she’s paying 3 times for than him for everything. She also explicitly states it is her working the long hours, and 60 hour weeks in a high stress job.

I’ve just reviewed her posts and can’t see her saying the opposite anywhere but feel free to highlight it if I’ve missed something?

Honestly you lost me at 50/50 split of household tasks when he earns 1/4 of the household income while you earn 3/4 and it is combined.

Plenty of people have unequal earnings but usually the overall situation is equitable even if it comes as you suggest at retirement.

I’d be getting out of that arrangement now not when I retire, he is a piss taker.

She quite literally wrote that he pays for outgoings 50/50 and works longer hours outside the house.

He's in a lower paying career, not working less. She's telling him he has to work longer than her. He's not telling her he can't retire early - she's telling him he can't.

This is the perfect time for these conversations.

My DH and I retired together a few years ago in our early/mid 50’s, I would have found it difficult if he had retired me before. If this had been the plan I would have liked to know sooner rather than later.

He's paid half the bills surely?

You’re not unreasonable at all. Everyone had decisions to make in life, one of them is career choice and ambition. You made choices and put effort in to your career, you work hard and you deal with extra stress and responsibilities to get the salary you earn. You say you also put ALL your money into a family pot, so he’s getting just as much benefit from your hard work as you are.

The least you deserve is to benefit from your efforts by being able to retire early. It’s not your job to earn money for him just because he wants an easy life.

I know for me personally, work can bring me down and I would love to retire early!! I certainly wouldn’t let lack of effort or foreplanning from my DP prevent me from doing so if it became possible. If he’s not planned for his future that’s his own lookout!

Precisely - this is exactly why OP needs to consider herself and her life first. I get it's easier said than done.

He’s not contributing 50/50 though, OP has said that she’s been bringing home 3 x his salary and all the money has been shared. If OP had kept her money separate and insisted that everything was paid 50/50, then she would likely have been able to retire earlier. He has chosen to stay in a low paid job because he wanted an easy, stress free life, and has been perfectly happy for OP to pick up the tab for a lifestyle that he never would have been able to afford without her. He hasn’t contributed anywhere near what OP has to the family finances, and therefore, it’s his turn to pick up the slack.

I am shocked at the number of posters suggesting that 40's is too young to be having these discussions, and planning. WTF!!

OP, you should absolutely be having these discussions and planning for what you want for the next 20-30 years. I'm early 40's and started to plan for retirement a couple of years ago, having paid into a private pension a few years before that. I got an IFA to help me plan and be more tax efficient, savings, getting a will done this year for my house etc. etc. etc.

Please don't pay attention to questions and comments about your age. You're 100% doing the right thing and setting yourself up for a good few last decades irrespective of your husband / partner / boyfriend situation now and in years to come. Best advice I ever got was from my grandmother - never rely on a man financially. Keep going! I'll be here doing the same, like a smart woman that can in 2026!

I’d be royally fucked off if DH said “I’ll retire early, but I will need you to carry on working so that we don’t eat into the capital too much”.

Fucking hell. Are you being serious or is this just dark humour?

Retire by stealth, when you've had enough tell him you've been laid off, promise to find another job but dont actually look, lock all your money away somewhere & make him pay the bills.
In other words, think like a man.

Quite.

Terrible advice. Are you retired?

Hi OP. Similar situation on the financial side. Do it. I got an IFA last year to help me plan to part-retire when I'm 50-55. I know full well that my partner cannot at the same time, and will likely be working low end jobs leading up to his state pension and paltry private pension when the time comes - such is life. I imagine at your level / wage, you've earnt it, so f*ck it, you do you and retire early and enjoy it. I plan too and hope you do too!

Wise words