AIBU to ask a friend’s guest not to join private breakfast?

I would have just said sorry Sarah the group is meeting over there I'll see you over there when I've finished here.
I think saying this is a private conversation is quite rude tbh

What op did is really normal here. If you saw a friend deep in conversation with someone not in your usual meet up group you do not go and sit with them you would smile and wave and sit elsewhere.

To be honest this is the sort of thing I could see myself doing without even realising, the woman is there to meet OP and other friends, so if OP hasn't put on the group chat that she will be there with someone else first and she'll be joining them later, I'd assume in good faith that she was early too and had probably brought someone with her to the meetup. I'd also feel pretty hurt if I had my arse handed to me over sitting with them.. OP should have realised WHY this woman made the mistake she did (which is what it was), and politely told her she was meeting her friend first and she'd catch up with them later.. I'm as sure as I can be that if it was one of the other women that she liked she would have been a lot more understanding of what happened and tehre would have been zero issue.

OP chose to be condescending and abrupt because she doesn't like this woman and wanted to embarrass her in front of her friend.

Not cool.

Absolutely not being unreasonable and I’m suprised by some of the comments. If you were having a private chat with a different friend who isn’t anything to do with this woman then of course you can tell her to leave. Maybe a more diplomatic choice of words would have softened the blow but you definitely weren’t being unreasonable. It’s hard when a random person is just added to an established group and they don’t gel. Nobody wants to be mean but it changes the dynamic for everyone and it’s not really fair.

I agree this woman sounds like she isn’t good in social settings.

in fairness I often have work meetings in city coffee shops - I know one person I meet often has a meeting before me and a meeting after, if I arrive early I get a table and a coffee and wait for him to finish. I would never join unless invited.

but this lady seems to have just missed that social queue. I think OP could have handled it better though - apologized and said she was deep in a conversation but would join the group at 10am. It sounds like she was a bit abrupt

Actually it does come across as OP doesn’t like the woman - but I wouldn’t like the kind of person who throws a strop because she isn’t invited to join in someone’s private meal

@Ano1ndid the woman say anything as she sat down, like hello to the both of you?

What op did is really normal here. If you saw a friend deep in conversation with someone not in your usual meet up group you do not go and sit with them you would smile and wave and sit elsewhere. Could have been a work meeting for all she knew. We have one gorgeous cafe that everyone goes to so this happens quite often. Her getting angry about it is weird. Can see why you don’t like her.

Also why do women have to be friends with everyone to be “inclusive”? it’s perfectly reasonable not to want to be friends with someone forced on you. “Bullying” accusation is mortifying.

This sounds like a gym cafe set-up and I can see how it's happened - especially as she seems to have such a lack of social awareness. She's in the wrong but it would have been more diplomatic to kindly let her know you would be joining the group at 10 and this wasn't the gathering. More of, 'I don't know where we're all going to be sitting but I'll join you and the others at 10am'. But we can't all be well rehearsed queens of getting social niceties right...especially when you've been ambushed from behind.

If it is a gym group, they're notorious for getting out of hand and wrecking the original group. That's when you default back to the original few where it all started.

Sorry but I don't quite understand this update - do you mean the original comment stated that you swore and raised your voice when you sent Boor away?

As you’d arranged to have breakfast with your friend and would be joining the bigger group later, you were certainly not in the wrong.. I’m also sick to death of the term bullying coming up for any minor disagreement.

Have you asked intro friend why she jumped straight to publicly shaming you without even bothering to get your side of the story?

I'd be very annoyed with that.

No. Why do you ask?

I genuinely don’t mean this to sound unkind but - everyone involved in this sounds like a massive drama llama. I think everyone, including you OP, needs to take a breath and back away from this fight because no one is fully in the wrong, everyone has been a little bit thoughtless and so no one is going to get the outcome where they are told they were in the right.

The idea that out of a group of 10 people nobody orders any food seems a bit unlikely.

Exactly. The breakfast is neither here nor there. If one of the group was eating a full English I wouldn't assume they weren't part of the coffee group and go and sit elsewhere.

But if I met up with friends at 10 a.m., at least some of the group would have something to eat because they hadn’t had time for breakfast. Just because you meet for ‘coffee’, which is usually just a euphemism for meeting up, it doesn’t mean your menu choice is restricted to coffee!

Yup, the meet up is for coffee. It's not a breakfast meet up and it wasn't time for the meeting up.

Even if the new friend was in fact meeting the OP in a group for coffee? and was just a bit early.

New friend was rude. It's ok to ask if you can join (not sit down and assume you can), it's also fine to say what you did in reply. It's not bullying either.

That may be the case, but then why organise this conversation in a public place other people you know are coming to.

Either the OP really was having a 'private conversation' that meant her being a bit sharp was understandable, but she chose a bad location to do it in.

Or, she is being a bit petty not being able to be polite to this woman in public who she was due to meet up with in 20 minutes time.

She's clueless or full of her own self importance.

She shouldn't have assumed she could be included in your breakfast meeting, especially as your breakfast friend isn't even part of the coffee group. She could have waved hello then gone to another table to wait for the other group.

She's an issue that needs addressing. When she interrupts conversations, you all need to ask her to wait a moment.

Hmm, You admit you were abrupt, and that's rude in itself. You clearly don't like this woman who was early and maybe thought you had invited this friend along as well.
You also refer to her as the boor. I am inclined to think you were abrupt and embarrased her. To be honest you sound unpleasant.

That was incredibly rude. How humiliating for her. Highschool vibes.

Does abruptly mean politely?

Well the Op flounced off and didn't meet the others for coffee, so she's as bad for having a tantrum.