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Original poster

AIBU to ask a friend’s guest not to join private breakfast?

387 replies

Ano1n · 06/07/2026 08:53

Regular meet up on a weekend morning for coffee with a group of female friends - not a formal arrangement and anywhere between 5 - 10 of us.
End of last year one friend brought a former colleague with her - who is an utter boor who inserts, interrupts & talks over any conversation & added her to the group WhatsApp. This has changed the dynamics of the group & people privately message more rather than use the group message.
Yesterday morning I met another friend for breakfast & planned to join them for coffee after. Said person was early & went to plonk herself down when I stopped her by saying it was a private conversation & I would join them later. Cue a load of blustering, marching off & slamming down. Really couldn’t be arsed with it so we settled bill and left.
Last night the intro friend puts a message on the group how we are about women supporting women & bullying won’t be tolerated!!!
Have responded back a few times (not actually sent) as the theme is fluff off but am I in the wrong here? Is asking her to leave bullying or is she rude for plonking herself uninvited?

OP posts:
3luckystars · 06/07/2026 09:02

Can you explain it again. You were meeting someone, and another woman (that you don’t like) tried to join you. You asked her not to.

is that it?

DappledThings · 06/07/2026 09:02

Were you meeting someone else for breakfast in the same place you meet everyone else for coffee? What were you planning to do with breakfast friend? Tell her to bog off when it got to 10 because you have other friends now or invite her to join for coffee same as the one you don't like was invited?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 06/07/2026 09:01

Did you meet for the private breakfast at the same place as the coffee meet up was planned? That was possibly not wise 😅 Of course ‘early not quite friend’ wouldn’t have realised that there were two separate meetings planned for the same cafe, especially if you and ‘breakfast friend’ are both part of the coffee group too.

Hecatoncheires · 06/07/2026 09:01

So you were meeting someone else before the group meet-up for coffee? If that’s the case then I think what you did is fair enough. Though tone is key here. If you were sharp then it was rude, if you were kindly but firm then the ‘intruder’ should have withdrawn with grace.

Thebinisrightthere · 06/07/2026 09:00

I would have said something like "I'm just having breakfast with my friend, I'll join you all a bit later". Thiugh I can see why you said what you said. Did she say hello or anything before sitting down at your table?

Riddlemesenseless · 06/07/2026 09:00

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LightlyRoamingOcelots · 06/07/2026 08:59

So you met up with a different friend, not part of the main group, prior to the group meetup? You really should have met your other friend at a different venue or on a different day. Anyone from the larger group would naturally come and join you so you set up a situation where someone would do so. That was unreasonable.

Shedmistress · 06/07/2026 08:59

Who exactly went to sit down with you and your other friend?

NotSorry · 06/07/2026 08:58

GatherlyGal · 06/07/2026 08:56

I think if you tell someone who is planning to have breakfast with you that they need to leave you should expect some pushback!

If they are so awful you'd rather deal with the backlash than have breakfast with them then fair enough but you shouldn't be surprised.

But she wasn't planning to have breakfast with her. She was already having a private breakfast with someone else and was meeting the others for coffee after.

GatherlyGal · 06/07/2026 08:56

I think if you tell someone who is planning to have breakfast with you that they need to leave you should expect some pushback!

If they are so awful you'd rather deal with the backlash than have breakfast with them then fair enough but you shouldn't be surprised.

Riddlemesenseless · 06/07/2026 08:55

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Riddlemesenseless · 06/07/2026 08:54

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