AIBU to ask a friend’s guest not to join private breakfast?

That was rude of you though the'friend' was a bit pushy. You both seem equally determined to get your own way.

It is coming across as “there my friends hands off”
people are allowed to to have other friends

It sounds like your attitude is the issue.

Oh actually Mary, we're just in the middle of something. Can you grab a table for us and Jess when she arrives and I'll be over at 10. Thanks.

That's all it took.

Regardless of what others think of her, surely this sort of group is about tolerance. Yes put boundaries in etc. but yo u don't need to become the kind of person others dislike

Gosh this sounds like some high maintenance nonsense.

It’s fine and reasonable to have breakfast with your friend (even at the same venue!) and to point the others from the group away til the coffee appointment time (oh great you’re here - can you grab that table for 6?). This isn’t about ‘women supporting women’ it’s about having manners to leave people having private conversations alone.

Id just reply with a ‘Surprised it came off that way and sorry if wires were crossed. I was meeting a friend for breakfast first for a private conversation. I thought I had clearly explained that to Sue when she interrupted us. I’ll catch you up next time - that’s next Sunday at 2pm?’

Where you’ve gone a bit wrong is letting Sue tell the tale and paint you as the bad guy.

I guess we all have different ideas of what is polite. If I’m meeting a friend at 10, arrive early and spot her talking to someone then im assuming she’s just early too. I’d of course approach, she’s arranged to meet me there, why would I assume she’s has scheduled in friends in hour time slots? And then if I sat down and greeted them and then was told - ‘you can’t sit with us!’ I’d be really embarrassed and yes it would feel like mean girls.

OP made an error scheduling back to back friend dates, not anticipating someone may turn up early

I suspect the group chat has dropped off because you don't like her, want to exclude her and so you've started private messaging the others making everyone feel awkward.

I would address this in the group chat, she didn't do it privately to you she did it to everyone. I would apologise but explain and say you were having breakfast with a friend and as planned joined everyone for the coffee morning at the agreed time. Intro friend joined the breakfast but you were having a private conversation and so told her you would join her later. You didn't mean to cause offence and in future will have your breakfast at another location.

I wouldn't let her use the word bullying and not address what actually happened. Keep it factual.

I think knowing that this is a coffee meet up and you were having breakfast I would have asked if it was okay to join but also say or are you having a private chat? Cover all bases and being polite.

How do you know she was polite?

There’s nothing polite about telling someone you are meeting at 10am, who naturally thought you were just early too, to go away and sit somewhere else.

Would be interesting to know if a different friend that’s not a ‘boor’ had turned up early would they have been banished and spoken to firmly for assuming that they were welcome to sit?

Confusing.

That's not the issue though.

The friend of the OP was not part of the group and the OP explained they were having a private conversation/breakfast and she would join them later for coffee.

The OP was polite.

This.

I'd just think oh, obviously Sue has brought along a friend who'll be having coffee with us but they're having breakfast first. So it would seem weird to walk past them and sit on another table.

It wouldn't have entered my head to think Sue has obviously come to the same coffee shop we're having group coffee in just for a private breakfast with this woman who is now going to leave.

If I was sent away with a curt 'this is private I'll join you later' I'd have been embarrassed and thought Sue was rude AF.

OP - you don't like the woman and were rude AF. Stropping off and leaving because the woman you don't like and were rude to seemed offended makes you look entirely like an arse. And a bit of a bully.

Yes that makes sense.

20 minutes early isn't unreasonable and if the group fluctuates in numbers as you say, then not unreasonable she thought this was just part of the main meet-up.

You were being very silly to have a pre-meeting in the same place. If you were still sitting there (not sat there, the word is sitting) eating 20 mins before the main meet-up started you were either inviting your other friend to join or were going to kick her out abruptly. Neither of which are particularly polite either.

Did you join the others then or just leave?

Why didn’t you go somewhere else to meet your separate friend, is there no other cafes nearby?

you are making your life a bit difficult and this woman seems to have really triggered you to behave this way, so you will have to figure out why. Good luck.

This is why I hate groups of women- such absolute childish hysterical garbage

But the OP was part of the group so of course the person the OP doesn't like would assume she could join them. I would have.

Were you having a private conversation or do you just not like her ? Did your breakfast friend know the interloper? I suspect the lady turned up and saw you and assumed that you were the starting point of the coffee meeting. It’s not an unreasonable thought.

I think some people are mis-reading this.

The coffee group meet at say 10am for coffee.

The OP had arranged to meet another friend for breakfast at the same place at 9am so they could have a private chat before the coffee group.

The other person then turns up to coffee group early, spots the OP and joins them without asking if its OK.

The OP politely told them they were having a private chat but would join her and the others for coffee later.

This woman then takes offence to this and is now making accusations of bullying which seems rather unfair.

@Ano1n next time choose a different cafe for a private meeting!

I think you'll be getting dropped from these coffee meet ups , you've made yourself look a right twunt.

I think it may have seemed rude if you were around the meeting time and two people whom she was expecting to meet.

the handful of my groups where one woman took against another for whatever reason ended up faltering and petering out in the end. I suspect yours may go the same way.

No they aren't part of the group but the woman who OP doesn't like probably assumed she would be that day so tried to join them.

How are you getting to that conclusion?

If I had arranged to meet some friends at a group meet up and some of that group were already there when I arrived of course I'd go and sit with them.Why wouldn't you?