AIBU to ask a friend’s guest not to join private breakfast?

She hasn’t elbowed her way in though, has she. She was invited in by someone in the group and has no idea that she has “changed the dynamics” or that there are private WhatsApp convos happening outside of the group, as presumably no one who apparently has an issue with her has bothered to tell her this and she just thinks she’s made some nice friends. She’s not mystic Meg.

OP I think there's a good range of perspectives on here, all based on each poster's own experience.

You will know how to proceed having read them.

I think the majority of people would suck it up that they’d been interrupted by a mutual acquaintance and pause the confidential conversation. It doesn’t matter that you were not “the main group” meeting. In my opinion.

Regarding the bully label...

Seems a strong word to use over this isolated awkward encounter...unless your dislike has already been noted. That you still regard and refer to her her as a guest indicates your attitude towards her. Perhaps YOU have been making HER feel uncomfortable.

I could be wrong of course.

Has anyone voiced that they also don’t like the woman who is boorish in your opinion or is the group chat falling off just something that has happened.

As the other friend I'd be even more pissed off when it got to 09.59 and she told me to piss off because she's now meeting other people and I'm not invited to join them.

End of last year one friend brought a former colleague with her - who is an utter boor who inserts, interrupts & talks over any conversation
Sounds as though this woman has real problems with the etiquette of social interaction. She sounds as though she is ND. And so coming over and sitting down with you unasked when she saw you would be in keeping with her inability to read social situations.
Did the woman ,her former colleague, who introduced her to the group do so because she knew she struggled socially and felt sorry for her?

I can understand why you were annoyed when she tried to add herself to your private meet up with your other friend. But I think you could have handled the situation with tact and kindness.

Not if they were with someone not part of the group

She has the hind of a rhino. I wouldn't dream of interrupting what is clearly a private conversation. Vile behaviour of her. I wonder if she is embarrassed and that is the reason for the 'bullying' accusation.

She was invited to the group meet up. The breakfast is irrelevant. She thought it was the group meet up as any one of the others in the group would have too.

They should asked before sitting down, yanbu and certainly not bullying behaviour. I would make plans to meet your friends without those two they sound like a headache.

What? Look at it from OP’s other friend’s point of view. A complete stranger to you rolls up and sits at your table when you are having a meal with your friend. If OP had said “fine, the more the merrier” you think that’s ok? I’d be pissed off at that.

I Think it was mean. You wanted to get rid of this person and didn't give any consideration to their feelings.

She was invited to that venue, at about that time, to meet a group including that person. Of course she joined them, thinking they were early.

But she isn't a random person, she's a person who the OP is meeting up with. So the other group member saw the OP and went to sit with her, as you would.

So the ghastly woman went to plonk herself down on a seat whilst you were having a conversation with somebody else who is not part of the regular breakfast group and she appears to have reported back to the original friend that you were unkind.

You were absolutely right to stop the ghastly woman from being part of a private conversation. Most people with any semblance of manners would have uttered ‘is it okay if I join’ and accepted accordingly if somebody explained it was a private conversation and no that was not okay rather than behaving like a toddler and reporting back to the other friend.

Time to divide and conquer.

She wasn’t invited to the breakfast

Sorry but I think it’s odd that you expected someone who was going to a cafe to meet friends to walk in, see one of the people they were meeting was already in there, and go and sit somewhere else until their dedicated time slot to be in your presence

I’d have assumed like most other people the person you were with was someone you’d brought to join that day, and I’d bet the feeling of approaching a friend and being told to go away and sit somewhere else was horrible. No doubt if she had walked in and seen you and then not acknowledged you the post would’ve been “why does this person in our group not like me?”

I can see both sides, but ultimately I think you should have gone elsewhere if you wanted it to just be the two of you.
I think if I turned up early and saw someone from the group already there I’d have a split second thought of “is it weird if I join them or is it weirder if I sit on my own when someone from the group is already here???”
It really does depend how nicely you said it, but I expect your dislike for her did make it a bit abrupt.

Team op. Perfectly normal thing to do. You don’t blunder over and plonk yourself down especially in this scenario where she’s elbowed her way into the friendship group in the first place.

"This was quite predicable really. Would have responded the same to anyone else in the group joining you?"

I'm guessing no.

Also agree she's not a 'guest' - if she has been attending the meet-ups for months she's part of the group, whether you like her or not.
Calling her a guest has given you away. This is a you problem I think.

Don't get me wrong, I understand what it's like to have an unlikeable foisted into your social set-up...but unless you're the queen bloody bee, you won't win by refusing to accept her.
Group dynamics.

Yes, I would have assumed you'd brought someone new along to join and you were both just having something to eat whilst waiting for everyone else to arrive.

This was quite predicable really. Would have responded the same to anyone else in the group joining you?

Yep.

Or just politely have said when the woman went to sit down 'oh sorry, Jane and I are just having breakfast before she heads out, we'll finish off and I'll come and join you'

Not snap 'this is a private conversation l, I'll join you later'.

I would post this -

‘I think there has been a misunderstanding and it has all got blown out of proportion. I had arranged to meet my friend Grace separately for breakfast before our coffee.

We were mid breakfast and deep in a private conversation when Susie arrived early and joined our breakfast. I explained that Grace and I needed to finish our chat and I would join Susie and the rest of you at 10am for coffee as arranged.

I am sorry if Susie feels I was bullying her - I honestly just needed some one on one time with Grace and this is the only time and venue that worked for both of us. Had Susie stayed for our breakfast we couldn’t have finished our discussion and would have had to rearrange another time.’

the problem seems to be Susie presumed she was welcome to join, and was then embarrassed when she was rejected. She sounds a bit immature. Most of my friends would understand life is complicated and sometimes we need a private chat with a good friend