AIBU to think an old friend/ former bridesmaid deliberately blanked me at a festival?

Your friendship has died, that’s plain to see and for some reason she is holding a grudge. If you’re desperate to find out you could initiate contact and ask but I’d personally drop it. She didn’t talk intentionally because she doesn’t like you. Hard to accept maybe but for one reason or another you’ve drifted and she isn’t keen on you.

@pontipinemum it’s normal to feel abandoned after such a long friendship. And it’s absolutely right fpr you to have boundaries. Notice your friend abandoned you as soon as you developed those boundaries. Whereas a true friend would have cheered you on.

I’ve had a similar distance develop with someone I was friends with a long time. I would reframe it as something is going on their lives to make them change like this. With my friend, she did a lot for people and gave a lot of herself to people, and when that wasn’t reciprocated, she took a mental step back from everyone. I always advised her to give less of herself, which she is doing, but as part of that, she developed a distance from most people and focused on her family. We are still friends but I match her energy now and she does the same with me.

Why do you want to be friends with someone so uninterested?

At best, she’s annoyed that you were unresponsive during your mental health crisis.

At worst, she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.

Neither scenario paints her someone you should care about.

Remove her from your social media, including WhatsApp.

I used to be completely unable to take the hint when people replied and weren't fully engaged or enthusiastic about meeting up. Now I can.

I had someone after months of no contact write a paragraph explaining why they didn't want to be friends anymore and just shat on me as a person.

She will have her reasons for not making the effort and not wanting to be friends anymore and that is her right. No one is owed a friendship.

You say that you'd had your ups and downs over the years, so I wonder if this was more a friendship of circumstance (eg having usual friends) rather than a true friendship in its own right?

She will have been friendly and polite at things like baby showers, weddings and catch up dinners because that was the right thing to do and respectful to others there but, at a festival, where she was there for herself, she had no need to be either of those things.

She was setting a clear boundary that she is not your friend and has no wish to be your friend. And that is OK even if its not nice too be on the receiving end of it. A lot of friendships drift for these reasons.

If she had posted asking if she had been rude, people would have told her she was doing the right thing to set boundaries, no is a complete sentence and she doesn't owe you friendship and that none of those things are rude, but, as usual, because we are hearing from the perspective of the person on the receiving end of boundaries and not being owed a friendship, it is viewed differently.

If she was in conversation with someone, it would have been rude of her to break off to speak to you. She sees you as a friend from the past who she no longer has contact with. It's sad but friendships wane. You just have to move on. Don't dwell on it, you didn't get the response you wanted from her, we can only guess at her reasons which might be valid.

Perhaps Sarah is having a difficult time and isn't feeling as responsive as usual.

Yes it was rude of her but you cannot make people behave with good manners. Just ignore her next time.

Unfortunately some people don’t deal well with mental illness. Maybe it frightened her off because you were so ill (if so, then she wasn’t a true friend). Or maybe your life stages are too different now if you have kids and she doesn’t?

I don't thinks she's blanked you but I do think she clearly doest want to get into a close friendship again or even a chat regularly via social media friendship . Shes probably being polite and making the usually social conversation expectations when she bumps in your sisters. Just return the same energy back and don't overthink it .

If she’d have said hello would you be analysing how friendly or not she sounded, or feeling it was rude if she didn’t enquire about how you were, or similar? Or considering that she was fake if she seemed too friendly and interested? This chance meeting has just stirred up feelings of annoyance from the friendship fade and that’s what you’re actually feeling now.

You’re not friends anymore. She was stand offish, it doesn’t really matter given that you don’t see each other and you don’t intend to start.

You did say you wasn’t always responsive during your MH crisis, I also think perhaps some crossed wires here, you both at some point felt you weren’t giving enough to the friendship and also left her feeling hurt, hence why she behaved unbothered at seeing you again.

Friendships fizzle out over time. I think she reacted totally normally based on the context you gave. It would be weird to expect someone to jump for joy and effusively greet an old friend after a mutual decision to drop contact, even if health reasons were involved.

I'm 100% on your side. What you did wasn't ghosting, she was not giving you the same energy back so you stopped initiating contact.

Occasionally I say hello to people I once knew in the past and they greet me back politely.

She wasn't that good a friend if you always had to initiate contact and in the space of two years didn't bother to contact you first. Just let it go, the friendship ended, she ignored you. If you get back in touch it would probably end up the same anyway, her not initiating contact and you upset about it all over again.

To be fair to your former friend, you are posting about it on a national forum two days later. Maybe she's finds it all. bit intense and wants to move on. Just forget about it and move on with the friends you have now

Did she contact you in this time or just no contact between either of you?

Changed my mind. @pontipinemum I'm 100% with you. She was rude. Some people are like that.

A polite hello would suffice though?

I guess from your description that she may feel that the friendship reached a natural end as neither of you was interested in maintaining contact. Pretending to be interested in you when randomly meeting would be stranger than not paying you much attention, I think.