AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

Yes they are but I don’t remember being like this when I was on holiday as a teen. I was bloody grateful! Definitely this generation amd I thinks it’s social media. They can see what they are missing on their phones daily!

I’d hazard a guess that it’s her period or she’s due on. Or just shitty hormones. Just communicate with her!

In 2021 when we weren’t allowed to go abroad and we were shivering in a northern holiday town I got told off by my teens for my bad attitude !

Surely she’s abit old for this behaviour? Both mine had an odd year at 13/14 when they were sulky on the family holiday and pining for friends but by 16 they were bloody grateful. They go with their friends and us now.

Typical teenager behaviour. Leave her to it in the hotel or whatever, try to enjoy it without her. Ignore her.

Oh god I completely agree with the menopause thing! At least as an adult I can take myself off to be on my own if I’ve had enough of people!

Sounds about right. Took my ds to Florida with us at the same age after his GCSEs. He just split up with his gf and was moping the whole time. We left him to it, but had a happy memory where we saw him smile in a walk through aviary, feeding the birds and they landed on him. Pretty sure I was miserable to go away with my parents at that age, and I recently spoke to a lady at a nail appointment, who said her teenager was the same on holiday. I think it's just a phase they go through. They don't quite grasp the sacrifices and costs of a holiday, and their family is lame and embarrassing to them. I think it's quite typical behaviour tbh.

I remember being a bit of a grump one family holiday at that sort of age. I think I just was hormonal and also really missed my friends and was lonely. They used to do sort of kids clubs but for teenagers at the place we were staying but they ended up behaving really badly so they put a stop to it. It is annoying so yanbu, but I also do feel sorry for kids that age. They actually need more structure than they think.

Is there anything she does want to do if not to lie by the pool?

I also hated being in the pool as a teenager as I felt like boys (and probably men too in those days 🤢) were appraising me the whole time.

Agree with letting her know you're not happy with her attitude / behaviour, then leaving her to it. At least it's only a week OP!

I have to say that menopause has given me more sympathy for my teenagers’ moods as well as a new understanding of why I was such a grumpy, moody teen myself!

Hormones can be an absolute nightmare to deal with, even when one has a lot of life experience. Being a teen can be just dreadful for some kids (and their families!)

I agree with this.

Sulking only works if it has an impact on those around them.

Leave her to it- go out and do your own thing.

If she wants to sit in the room let her. They’re so sealed absorbed at that age and take it all for granted. It’s demoralising. All of our holidays have me having a meltdown about being ungrateful/ hard work.

We’re going tomorrow. As a pp said my expectations are lowered in anticipation of whinging. We have one child with special needs so that is a whole palaver in itself. Then our teenager basically hates to do anything but stare at his phone. He does actually seem if not excited looking forward to this trip so we will see how it pans out.

I would tell her you are not going to have her ruin your holiday, she can ruin her own. Leave her to it, enjoy yourself doing whatever you want to do. She is 16 and I would remind her that this holiday is your well earned reward for all the hard work you do not just at work but at home and you are going to thoroughly enjoy yourself.

Show her that her behaviour has no impact on the rest of the holiday.

My parents made it very clear when we were younger that they only got a couple of weeks holiday from work and they were going to enjoy it. I would tell your DD about how many days you actually get as an adult because they are used to 13 weeks holidays from school. It is a shocker for them to have the contrast pointed out.

I've had this with both my teens. They just want to be with friends at this age, don't take it personally. Leave her to sulk and make the most of your holiday, she might chirp up at some point.

I remember my eldest being like this when she was 13. She was going through a lot at the time but was awful, we'd chosen the place and the trip based around her really. Every since, she always wants to come away with us anyway and is much more pleasant. Dd2 is not a fan of holidays, but we give her the option and she comes anyway. As long as there's wifi she mostly just stays in the accommodation.

Don't you remember being a teenager, OP? You wanted to be at home hanging out with your friends, not stuck on a family holuday with The Olds and ghastly siblings. Just leave her to it, make sure she's fed regularly, and go off and enjoy your days without her.

It’s a teenage thing. Mine are adults now and I remember my eldest point blank refusing to come so he stayed with grandparents and a few years later my youngest absolutely ruined it even though we gave her the choice to stay home if she wanted to. Every time we left the resort and she lost the WiFi it was like she’d lost a limb, we laugh about it now but at the time I could have strangled her. Sending solidarity to you OP, I can’t really offer advice because there’s nothing that will appease a moody teenager but you are not alone!

Let her be miserable.

That's teenagers for you. Mine doesn't want to go on any holiday this summer or do anything with me. He seems perfectly happy mucking around with his friends and gaming. Teenagers are happier to do their own thing away from parents and to explore and figure out who they are. I would reassure yourself that it's normal, try not to fight back and let it all go over your head

I did the same thing when I was 16. I sulked all week. I was determined to prove to my parents I did not to be on holiday with them. I guess it’s normal. All part of individuation. Separating out from parents.
it’s really tough. The last holiday I booked with my teenagers we went to Ibiza - clubbing and foam parties. They were ok with that - happy memories !

I don't really understand the issue with her staying out of the pool. How does that ruin your holiday? Have you asked her what she'd like to do?
I get it, it's annoying, but I remember having to sit at the pool/beach all day at that age and I hated it.

I think this too

Have a firm word with her and try to establish what the problem is. If no improvement tell her that you are going to let her have some time to herself and have a day apart.

I’ve sent my oldest DS home from holiday on a plane before from France , as he wasn’t enjoying it ,( his choice !)

another memorable trip we had a lovely villa on the shore of Lake Como , and my 15 year old DD spent lots of time googling flights home as she was missing out with her friends 😳

I have also got lots of family pics where all 4 DC are glued to their phones ignoring incredible scenery / landmarks behind them .

they are grinches at this age
the key is to let them enjoy wallowing in their misery and not letting it bother you

they now all still love coming on holiday with us at 20 , 23 , 26 and 27 , and cringe at their behaviour !

I would suggest leaving her to stew , go and take a book and have a lovely time on your own,

please don’t let it spoil your time .
its very common

have a fab time and grab a 🍹

Has shw said what's bothering her? Too hot? Pool too busy? Fight with a sibling? Doesn't like the food? I'm sure we've all had times when we thought we would enjoy something but didn't, but there might be something you could help with if she can verbalise her issues?