AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

Sadly I know that feeling well. Single parent, save all year to take my daughter away and ever year I wonder why I bother. She has just turned 13 and the last few holidays she hasn't wanted to do much. Even the pool is too much effort. Would rather lie in bed. Wants to be back in the room straight after dinner rather than enjoy a drink and watching a show so im often in bed for 9 while she ignores me and chats to her friends. I actually miss the time when she needed me to play with her in thd pool all the time so I never got a rest.

They have BIG emotions after major exams. Cut her a bit of slack but do not indulge her bad behaviour. Ask
if there is a place she want to visit where you are, or a food she wants to eat etc. If the answer is no, say ok, but if you think of anything let me know and we will go there.
Wifi, friends, summer socialising all happening and she is not there…FOMO.

I remember being like this. Looking back I was suffering from depression. I think I just stayed in the apartment or room and cried most of the time tbh. I wouldn't go in the pool by mid-teens because I was overweight and had terrible skin so I was far too self-conscious. Not much has changed really, I just don't go on holiday at all now, last time was I think 2012!

You’re definitely not the only one! My youngest (teen) was like this a couple of summers ago, when we went to Italy.

She has just turned 17 and we can laugh about it now. But I could have throttled her at the time 😄

To be fair, sometimes there are reasons for teenage brattiness. It turns out she was going through a really bad patch with her self-image (had been called fat at school) and was self-conscious about being seen in her swimming costume.

My advice is to leave her to it as best you can and try not to get too wound up. Focus on trying to enjoy/salvage your well-deserved holiday 😊

Could it be her period? What is manageable at home can be really horrible in the heat. If she is bloated or worried about “leaking” she might not want to be anywhere near the pool.

I can see nothing in @Bufftailed's post to suggest she didn't read the OP. Did you read her post properly?

I was wondering if you booked through a travel company or could recommend where you went? This would be perfect for us. Thank you!

@Me1987 she’s probably seeing social media posts from friends on a daily basis and thinks she’s missing out :( As long as she’s being polite to you, then let her get on with it. Maybe she just needs to chill, do nothing and be moody after a gruelling few months.

I can also give some words of hope in that my two LOVE family holidays now. I'm not naive enough to deny that us paying for most of them is a big pull but they come along and are great additions in terms of company and contributing towards the vibe (and yes, buying meals and rounds of drinks too).
We also found that holidaying with family friends with similarly-aged kids helped too.

I feel for you, truly, but as other posters have said - it is probably just her age and her hormones and the absolutely excruciating nature of having to spend so much time with your parents at that age. I would try not to take it personally.

I also recently found a diary of when I went to Australia with my parents aged 18 (I was very fortunate and dad saved his club card points up for years to pay for the flights- those were the days!!) and I also just complained and bitched about my parents the whole time. They weren’t doing anything wrong- just being themselves. But I still also remember just hating it and feeling so frustrated that I had to be in this awesome place with my parents when all I wanted to do was go drinking with my pals and clubbing after my a-levels.

my sympathies, but I don’t think there’s much you can do xxx

maybe no more (expensive) family holidays together until she’s quite a bit older?

Oh dear.. am off to Greece with my ds 15 and 16 this month. Ifyou frame it as.. my expectations are... and everyone do a list of what they envisage doing, then it's less likely to be shit. My son wanted a villa with private pool, so that what we are doing.
I think as long as there is WiFi and a pool, and walking distance to cafes etc, it will be fine.

Why is she unhappy? Is it too hot? Why doesn't she want to go in the pool? This was the age mine stopped wanting to go on family holidays (maybe even younger). Can you tell her your plans for the day and then just let her decided if she wants to join in or not? Is there anything she is keen to do while there?

We had this one year, when dd was about 16 and we had a glorious villa with pool overlooking the Med on the Amalfi coast. It’s become family folklore since and DH is determined to show a particular photo of her (with a face like thunder) as part of any future wedding speech. Even she laughs about it now.
In the interests of balance, she was in the process of splitting with a boyfriend back home but still.
And to add insult to injury (to us), a few years later she messaged me to ask if she’d ever been to the Amalfi coast as her (current) boyfriend’s mum was telling her how beautiful it was.
I told her that she’d have known that for herself if she’d opened the bloody shutters at all that week.

Don't be sad, I've decided to think of it as a rite of passage. I took them to a really lovely resort last year and my 17 yo son hardly came out of his room.

This year he's told me he's not coming in holiday with us and he went instead with his girlfriend. They stayed in a cheap place miles outside Pisa which had no hot water! He loved it.

I think it's a part of growing up. Once they mature a bit, I'm hoping he comes back to us. But you're not alone.

Yeah it's part of the teenage experience.
Just let her wallow in her mood.

DS did this around 15/16. Then he started working and didn't holiday with us for a few years. He's now 21, coming with us this year and is VERY excited, he came last year and was a delight, great company.

It was 40 years ago but I vividly remember the holiday I had to go on when I was 15 with my “lame parents” and their “dumb ideas” of fun. Sulked the whole time. So no it’s not just this generation. You can ask her what’s wrong, but probably nothing is. Just raging hormones and not wanting to be with your parents. Once my kids hit their 20s they loved going on holiday with us.

Another vote for leave her to it. It's such a shame when a holiday is saved for, not a 'given' experience and a stroppy big child is a miserable pain. Do your own thing, whatever floats your boat.
Any ramping up of miserable or conflict and phone/ devices would be locked in hotel safe. Sitting in a hotel room with foreign tv and a book might concentrate the mind. Oh and if anyone asks 'how was your holiday' in front of her, 'oh shit, Annabelle, acted like a brat' . Old enough to ruin someone else holiday, old enough to take embarrassing/shaming. Yes..had teenagers...but we had very little, a few days camping was appreciated even up to post school age.

Next time you can remind her of her behaviour on holiday and tell her she won't be coming if she's going to act like that again. A lot of people on here say things like just leave them to it and enjoy your holiday. But that's near impossible, it ruins the holiday. Not to mention the fact of how much it costs only for teenager to sit in the room in a mood? Absolutely not. I know it's not easy, but I would be having a frank discussion and not just leaving her to it.

Yeah teenagers are just arseholes.
She’ll be ok when she’s about 19/20

All kids are different and develop at different rates and in different areas.
Your kids don't set the bar and it wasn't a helpful post. All due respect.

I remember a holiday with my parents when I was 14, it felt like torture 😂 I was so bored, didn't want to do sightseeing, missed my friends, not old enough to have any freedom. By the time I was 16/17 and could go out to bars etc and clubs (with older sister) it was much more fun!

Teenagers can be grim, do your best to ignore the sulks and do your own thing, she can join in or not. Give her a hug if you get the chance, they often need your love the most when they're at their most unlovable!

I wouldn't push her into going into the pool, let her have time apart if that's what she needs. Ds was 13 last year when we went away and it worked for us realising that our idea of fun might not be his and not pushing him to join in with everything.

Just leave her alone is my advice. Let her experience the holiday under her own terms. Don't let her glum countenance bother the rest of you.
You will have a better holiday and she will appreciate not being nagged, criticised, told what to do or made to feel guilty.

You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Rise above and enjoy. 😊

Post GCSE’s is a funny time. It takes them a while to shake off all the stress. I took DD away as soon as the exams finished and she was a bit moody and highly strung the first day or 2.

I’m going to go against the grain and say don’t tell her how disappointed you are in her behaviour etc. Tell her you love her often and give her lots of hugs if you can get near enough to her without her telling you to go away!

I find when DD is very moody with hormones etc, she will happily battle against me if I take a strong stance or dig her heals in, but if I soften and just show her love, she has nowhere to go with that so just ends up yielding.

After a spectacular melt down from my son aged 14 in Istanbul when some girl sent him a horrible text we told him the following year would be the last family holiday’ - we went to Los Angeles and Santa Barbara , he had his own room at a very blingy hotel in LA and we all had a great if expensive time - I actually did take him on my own for hus18th to Benidorm for 5 days and we had a fab time too - and he’s come away with us at new year too occasionally as he’s now 28. I think they can be very fickle at that age, one crappy text or a mate posting something they are missing out on and they switch !! It does tend to get better OP but I wouldn’t push the pool issue , I hated swimwear at that age and thinking people were looking - and I was actually pretty good looking too at that age.