AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

We had a touring caravan, because we like touring and DH and I don’t like package holidays. From age of 13 until stopped coming with us one of our DC moaned about it, even when we went abroad, they wanted to be in a hotel. Why did we have to ‘slum’ it was a common moan. They were told when they were old enough, they could choose where they want to go and pay for it. Ironic thing is DC and partner now have touring caravan and love the freedom it gives them!!

It’s nothing personal 🥰 they’re just teenagers and totally ungrateful for anything.

personally I would be asking is she wants to come and if not I’d leave her to it. I assume she’s old enough to be left alone as she’s of GCSE age.

id be like “we are <doing this tomorrow>, do you want to come?” If the answer is is no, go and enjoy yourself. If she comes and is miserable, then just ignore her and let her do her own thing.

like I said it’s not personal they’re just dicks at that age.

I dont have teenages yet but jeez i remember how miserable I used to be on family holidays. I just wanted to be woth my friends......looking back now I did love them

My parents still mock me for the summer holidays I went on as a teen where I didn't go in the pool and didn't smile enough.

Thing is, I was embarrassed by my body and didn't want to wear swimwear. Nor was I a great swimmer. I was quite happy reading books all day but they decided I was miserable. I was also told off for wearing a jumper in the evening when I got chilly. My parents also did nothing except sit us by the pool every day. They have never once reflected on any of this and still talk about it 30 years later.

Is she actually miserable or does she just have resting misery face?

Ignore.

Holidays with teens can often be a nightmare. DS (28) still comes on some holidays with us and is a delight, but at 15 he was a royal PITA

I have a 16 year old and honestly no, she is not like this, but she really loves holidays-tanning, sun in in her hair, nice food .

im very careful to make our holidays what she ‘d like-made sure its no where near end of term (so no missed parties). She dislikes culture, so do I -so we don’t do that stuff
i would be very cross and upset.

I hear you, currently on holiday with a whinging 5 year old and dreading what she’ll be like in the teenage years…thank goodness for wine 😂

Surely you don’t have to?

I’m not certain but I think my parents took out a loan to take us on one last long haul big family holiday. I was 19, I remember being so excited for this holiday. The reality was very different I was mardy I can’t put my finger on why even now over 20 years later. I didn’t want to do anything, not just with them but generally. I was in a room with my sister and we bickered over the temperature of the room 😆 they enjoyed the evenings and I just liked being back in the room. How bad is that? It must have been so frustrating. I’ve no specific advice but just give her space and keep inviting her along for anything you do. Don’t take it personally as hard as that is. Forcing or guilting her to join in would feel worse than just accepting shes not the into it. My eldest is 15 so this time next year we will be in the same position. I can only imagine the pressure of recent months and maybe she just needs to decompress in her own way. As long as she’s not making everyone miserable what harm can letting her chill do? Enjoy what’s left of your break 🫶🏼

Otiginal user that doesn't work for adults does it

Have you actually talked to her to ask if everything is alright? Also why does it matter if she wants to go in the pool or not. Not everyone wants the exact same experience out of a holiday.

You may wish to read @Bufftailed ’s post again, before getting all snippy 🙄

By all means ask, but there isn’t always a cause. My DC needed to know coming on hols meant joining in some of the time, not being in own world/ mono syllabic. If that didn’t suit them it was fine not to come. This worked well and we’ve had good holidays.

Is this not something to do with

1. Not responding well to change.

It's Grim. Some teens won't get a holiday and she's moaning. Next time go away without her.

Urgh teenagers can be extremely vile. Don't take it personally.

This has actually made me laugh. My Ds 14 went to Stratford shopping centre as part of a school trip and all he now ever bangs on about is wanting to go back there and stay over at the premier inn there. It’s like he’s never been to a shopping mall in his life (we go frequently, just not Stratford). In the past few years he’s been all over the place, lovely 5 star all inclusives that I could have only dreamed of at his age. And yet Stratford premier inn has his heart.

Maybe not helpful but I distinctly remember this feeling on a family holiday as a teen! I was awkward in my body, my clothes didnt feel right, I missed my friends, it didn't feel the same as the holidays when I was young and I just wasn't sure what to do with myself! Give her some grace, she would have genuinely liked the idea, and she probably is genuinely miserable and can't really express it very well!

You are definitely not the only one. I have been know to snap 'next year we'll just stay at the fucking Travelodge at Gatwick then' when my teens moan about the WiFi or the food and spend half the day in bed on a holiday that's cost me £££.

My annoyance is that the holidays we go on, I would not choose to go on myself, they're based on the DCs likes not mine. So it's even more annoying when they're graceless and sulky.

The good thing about them being teens is you can just say fuck it, go for a swim or read a book on the beach or go sightseeing yourself, and leave them to moan to themselves.

Make it absolutley clear that this is a precious holiday for all of you, which she helped choose, and it is upsetting you to see that she is not enjoying it. Tell her it is stopping you from enjoying it too. She really does need to understand that her behaviour impacts other people.

Then ask what you can do to help her enjoy it more - can she do some research while you’re there?

If that doesn’t work, agree, leave her to sulk a s you get on and enjoy it.

I came back yesterday from a week AI in Tunisia with just my almost 16 year old. I told him from the start this was his holiday too so if he wanted to spend it sleeping in and lounging in the air conditioned room then that was up to him and I wasn’t going to force him to be down by the pool if he wasn’t going to enjoy it, BUT it was also my holiday too so i WOULD be down by the pool from 9am with a book and occasionally having a swim. If he wanted to come join me he could bit I expected us to at least have lunch, evening meal and spend the evening together.
It worked well, I went down at 9, he slept in then joined me at lunchtime for a few hours when we went in the pool and on the waterpark etc then we spent the evening together. Couple of days we went on trips of his choosing (I’ve been before so already done the trips so wasn’t fussed which we did).
Hes not a lounge by the pool sort of kind, he wants to be constantly doing something whereas I want to relax, so this worked well for us. As I say, it’s holiday too

As she was consulted about the holiday and actively wanted to go, I think leave her to sulk! Enjoy your own holiday if you can

I think to some extent this is fairly normal. I remember being 14 and my Mum taking me away for a weekend by the seaside and I was really bored, I didn’t have all my home comforts and my own space. It was very intense being with Mum all the time and I was super moody 🙈 I actually made my Mum cry as she was a single parent and had saved hard to take me - which I had no real concept of at the time- I still feel guilty about it now (Mum long passed, I’m 45 now).

My dc are 23 and 14 now and the 14 year old is currently in the moody stage. He’s fine as long as everything is geared around him - ie he has his own room, wifi, can hook up his Xbox or switch and is basically left to do his own thing but the minute it’s time to do something someone else wants to do he is the moodiest teen in the world and it’s exhausting.

We recently went to Disneyland Paris - which was something everyone agreed they wanted to do, even the dc (!) and he was fine when it was anything Marvel related but the second any of us wanted to go on a ride he didn’t want to go on he had a face like thunder and flatly refused to go on it (he just wanted to go on the big adrenaline rides). I was torn between having a go at him and just letting it slide for the sake of keeping the peace.

Teenagers are not easy.

I never went abroad with my family when I was growing up and I was so envious of my friends trips away with their families. I assumed I would have loved it and was determined to show my DC a bit of the world. Now they are teenagers the last couple of holidays have been quite exotic and expensive and while my DC have enjoyed elements, I would say they seem underwhelmed and a bit disengaged. It really deflates you when you have gone somewhere beautiful and they would rather sit in their room on their phone. I think teenagers just need their own space, so I do try and accept that. It's hard not to want to drag them out of their rooms when you've paid for them though. It's also a bit sad when things they used to love like swimming they seem disinterested in. As others have said there could be body issues here so tread carefully @Me1987.

I hope you have a good holiday. I just try and focus on the nice bits when we shared a laugh or a nice dinner and ignore the bits where I got on their nerves and they got on mine!

We had this two years ago. Acting bored and refusing to eat the food, saying she was homesick after one day into a week long holiday. I was seething. She even wanted to go home. Not a chance. I told her she would be getting no pocket money for the rest of the year if are didn’t buck up and stop behaving like a toddler. She sort of got better, but I’ve not been on holiday with her since. She claims she just doesn’t like going away.