AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

My DD (same age) hates suncream, revealing clothes and hot weather. After a couple of Neilson holidays where we felt we’d completely wasted our money we’ve learned to have one trip where we accommodate her needs/wants as a separate one where she stays with relatives and we get some sun.

I realise she helped choose the holiday and she might be feeling v guilty and pressured to enjoy it. Getting our DD to be open and frank about what a good holiday would look like for her (as opposed to what SM tells you it should be like) was half the battle. The second half was figuring out how to fit that into a regular family holiday so everyone got a nice break.

The fact you care and have noticed is a great starting point, X

💯
Accepting the behaviour is tantamount to telling them it’s ok to selfish, rude and inconsiderate. Baffling!

I agree with others who say let her hole up in the hotel room.

I used to hate family holidays as a teenager. My family thought lying around on the beach all day was a great holiday. I hate that, still do. I'm more of an activity and explorer person. There's also the fact I'm a bit of a home body anyway. If I'm going on holiday, I need to be doing something, not getting a headache lying in full sun for 1-2 weeks. In the end, my mother just left me to my books in the hotel room. I was so much happier this way, though she didn't understand how I could prefer that.

Leave her to it safely and enjoy yourself. She can plan her own holiday in a few years when she's grown up.

Tbf, boys can be exactly the same, because of hormones too.

She sounds like a typical hormonal teenager who wants to be with her pals . U can either read her the riot act if it will make u feel better or u can choose to ignore her moodiness . Either way enjoy your holiday .

Remember my mum having words with me when we were on our first holiday abroad in about 8 years and I was being a typical teen about the whole thing.

Oddly on the inside I really was having a lovely time, I just wasn't very conversational/enthusiastic/bothered about anything. Quite content to enjoy the buffet, read by the pool, soak up the sun and sleep. So I shrugged a lot whenever I was asked anything and generally got exasperated (aka huffy and eye rolly) that she kept pushing for me to suggest other things I'd like to do.

But obviously without a teenage thought translator when they're being quiet/moody noone can know if they're secretly content or not. In hindsight I'd have hated to be on that holiday with 15 year old me and don't blame her for wishing she'd just gone by herself.

Ok so I would find out what she wants to do? Is it FaceTime friends at home? Make sure she has the WiFi/ data to do this? Give her some money to get some snacks/ drinks from local shops. Tell her everyone has different ways of enjoying a holiday then go and do exactly what you want to do in peace. Bliss

Really pleased to read your update OP. I was about to suggest doing just that 😊

My youngest has done barely anything apart from a couple of pub trips to watch the football since his A-levels finished. He's exhausted and just needs to wind down (also ND - the pressure of exams has really really taken it out of him)

ETA I can also remember being quite moody on holiday and there are various photos of 2 of my siblings in clearly massive sulks. So I think it's quite normal, if rather trying 🤣

My daughter was the same when she was17 or18. Happy to come but miserable when there. I think it’s an age thing!

When I was 15, yes 15! I refused to go to Portugal with my parents and younger sister, my parents were so upset and just didn’t know what to do, so they left me at home 😂 those were the days you could leave school at 15 so I was working. When I complained they had left no food, they said well you’re working so buy your own food.

My dad bought a beautiful soft tan shade maxi skirt, I chopped most of it off to make a micro mini skirt! 🫪 what a horror I was.

This.

I remember I did this to my parents when I was 16 . It was a holiday to Ashby de la Zouche among other places so it totally lacked any glamour or interest for me. I wanted to stay home with my friends and hang out with boys. it was the last time I ever went I think. It was pure FOMO

I am now on holiday with my 16 y o son. He likes picking the restaurants and ice cream, but mainly we just leave him alone and he watches Netflix and looks at his phone. We did play uno for a laugh and went snorkelling. But he didn’t want to do any of the myriad activities we could have done but that’s fine.

My son was at them from age8 - he loved them and used to ask to go - he loved the fact that the reps met them with their themed sweatshirts on and he actually became pretty independent really early - I think he enjoyed the company aswas an only one- he was in a professional house share the week before he was 18 and working at his tech apprenticeship at 16 and a half -

Yes I’m sure if you’d been keen to go they wouldn’t have said to their 16 year old… no!!

but I guess that depends on the family

@Radicalrach Oh no they always made it very clear that 16 was the cut off point, so we knew when it was coming.

It just so happens that we were perfectly happy with that arrangement.

I dare say that if I had kicked up a fuss and really wanted to go with them they would have brought me along.

Actually I like going on holiday with my teens they get on better with each other when we are away and we generally have a laugh. I make time to play cards and swim with them and they like a nice restaurant and we’ve had some pretty good adventures so no to date I haven’t had a bad trip yet. Fingers crossed that doesn’t change. I think they also believe if they behave like twats I wouldn’t take them anywhere EVER again.

She's a teenager, just ride it out, a). you won't be able to get her out of it until she gets herself out of it, or b). she's actually enjoying it but has a face like a slapped arse as she's a teenager or c). she's upset about something completely outside of the holiday so back to a). I can imagine it's disheartening but she probably is enjoying it.

A few years ago my foster teen wanted to come on holiday. We let him bring his best mate too. His friend was delightful and we could tell he really loved the things we did whereas foster teen seemed to sulk my st of the time. Strangely he now, several years later, looks back fondly on that holiday. He seems to have forgotten how silly he was.

So it wasn’t so much them cutting you off. It was you saying you didn’t want to holiday with them and them saying ok?

@Radicalrach well my brother stayed home first when he turned 16 while the 3 of us went on holiday and then I stayed at home with my brother a few years later while my parents went away.

Neither of us felt like we were missing out on a holiday at that age, it was way better being home without parents and free to see our friends.

We have an autistic 12 year old who is super sweet, polite and well- behaved. But it’s a minor miracle if they don’t (politely) ask “When are we going home?” every day on holiday :) All the differences that make most of us love holidays are stressful for them. Never thought I would be the type to go to the same exact place more than once but tbh it’s worth it to see them actually enjoy a holiday (and to not hear that question).

Went on a holiday with dd when she turned 13 - moaned about everything, face like a slapoed arse, even though it was incredible. Stopped taking on holidays after that. Irony is, NOW she waxes lyrical about said holiday!?

I think this, @Me1987
I could be a real little shit when I was younger. Ungrateful, whiny, rude - you know, a teen.
I remember one particular trip when I was being ”me” and evidently Mum had had enough. She sat down with me and quietly walked me through how little she made on her teacher’s salary and how much the hotel room cost every night and how much she was paying just for our food every day.
And THEN - she showed me the receipts for all the clothes and shoes she’d bought me over the last few days. It was eye watering.
But the part that got me was this: Mum said “I would happily spend every last cent I have on you. I’d take you far and wide. Because I love you so much you can’t imagine. And I’m so very sorry you are so miserable on this trip. I’ll do everything in my power to make it better. Because I love you. So incredibly much.
And boy oh boy that got me - I felt like the world’s worst kid.
And my mother Nancy - the world’s most expert manipulator. lol
I learned a lot from her.
And oh how I miss her.

I don’t have a teen but I remember being a teen and I hated holidays with my family, I remember missing my friends massively and just generally feeling quite bored. I just don’t think teens appreciate holidays in the same way we do, as they don’t need the escape from the daily grind that we do. Nice food, views, chance to chill and read, not quite the same for a teen and even water parks / sightseeing etc can get boring (to a teen) after a while. If it’s any consolation I went onto have lovely holidays with my parents in my 20s and now at almost 40 we still go away together.

I guess she is on her period? Not wanting to go in the pool, might be she just doesn't like using Tampons, or having really bad stomach cramps. If she is the hot weather is probably making it worse.
I am guessing this, because she picked the holiday, she clearly wanted to go but mother's natures gift is a bit*h