AIBU to feel upset when my teenager hates our family holiday?

Ahhh… there maybe some demand avoidance struggles.

Glad she’s come round and it’ll now be a better holiday!

It's so hard being a teen on holiday.

You have hormones
You have knowing friends are having more fun, Ellis (insert other random name) has been to a water park and on a sailing ship, all this place has is a pool.
You are worried about your GCSE results.
When you shared a lift with the hot boy and his day you said hello and it was just cringe, I'm so embarrassed I never want to see him again.
How can I go in the pool when all the other teenage girls are so much prettier / thinner / cooler than me.
I certainly can't go in the pool with you, I am not 5.
It's hot.
Did I mention what happened in the lift?

No advice from a parent perspective but I remember being like this when I was a teenager and I regret it so much. I would have been even worse with phones and social media available. I just missed my friends and my normal routine and thought my parents were cringey. These days I would bite someone’s hand off if I was offered a free week in the sun.

Oh thank you!! I was really getting stressed about how she’d go/we’d go with food for her! This is such a relief 😅

Italy IS the best place for gluten intolerance- they have a higher incidence of it than anywhere else in the world, all pastas are available in GF versions.

lactose free stuff is also easier to get than in other places.

parmesan is lactose free I think and there are a stack of LF cheeses and butters available

DH has issues and we’ve loved our visits to Italy.

he also takes Lactase tablets with him and not some gluten assist medication too.

But how would you know it's a holiday if she wasn't acting out?

Joking aside, take photos as flattering as you can of her. Is she not going to the pool because she has body and/or skin image issues? If so, be very gentle with her. She is truly having a hard time. Society is harsh on young women. Girls are inundated with impossible standards and at that age it's literally brain changing.

Now is the time to find out if she's been bullied. Now is the time build up herself esteem. It reads as if she's in a mental crisis. Those can be very severe. Be her loving, approving mother. Perhaps she will go to the pool at night?

Me too! I had holiday romances as a teen on holiday with parents and younger brother. We used to find other teens to hang out with but also had dinner with parents, played Yahtzee and cards together and with parents, went on sightseeing trips.

My own 3 teens are all introverts so very unlikely to seek to make friends on holiday but they get on really well with each other and always have fun on family holidays. They don't seem to mind hanging out with the parents either. Dd1 had a grumpy patch aged about 14-16 but even then would still go on family days out /holidays/ do stuff with siblings.

Everyone is different but it's certainly not inevitable that teens are foul and grumpy on holiday. OP I'd be pointing out she helped choose this holiday, asking her what she would like to do if it's not the pool. And to be honest telling her the truth that if she's rude and grumpy for the whole trip you'll not be inclined to pay for her holidays in future.

Please do not feel alone in your battle. When my eldest was a teenager things were very similar to what you describe, wherever we went and not matter what we tried. I remember trying to take some pictures and of a place (not him, God forbid, that was another battle I already lost) and he asked me if I have Dementia and I need to take photos to remember places. Charming :) He's now a young adult and a decent human being. Brace yourself, breathe and don't join in his storm.

That would be very sad, I'm sorry. Have you asked her what is up?

I just left my 15 year old to it in the hotel and had a nice time with the other 32. It' was all inclusive so she had enough food and drink

Yes easing off definitely seems like the best thing. Autism, hormones, stress, it could be one of a few things. I'm AuDHD, easing off pressure makes me feel like I can enjoy things more. I didn't have a great time with family as a teenager, then I stopped going on holiday. Had a family holiday with them when I was around 22 and loved it, but late teens was a mixture of stresses and self-esteem. Autism added to the mix.
My eldest is 15, also autistic, and I'm not planning to do anything with him. I thought he had given up on holidays a couple of years ago, but did ask to go to Berlin last summer and we had a good time, but I very much let him guide what we did.

That is really sad

For both of you

You've both booked and planned a holiday and then she is unhappy and spoiling the holiday for you.

Id let her know that you are going to enjoy the holiday and make the best of it, take a book to the pool and relax

If she wants to nee miserable then that is a great shame but you're here to have fun

is there something in particular that is making her so miserable?

see what she says

I was 17 when I first went to Spain for a week with a friend but I did also go to Portugal that year with my mum and dad for one last holiday and they left me at home to go to Italy for a weekend. It's a funny age. If she is the youngest I just wouldn't do any more family holidays.

Totally understand how you feel, but totally normal. I can remember feeling like her as teenager, I just wanted to be at home with my friends, despite being abroad by the pool! Ridiculous! But she probably feels like she is missing out on something at home - maybe all her friends are talking about a party or something, or maybe there is a boy she likes. I can see your most recent post says she's settled into the holiday so i hope you all have a lovely time now.

I read something about teenagers being one person one day and a different person another due to a big changes in theirs brains. This may help you a bit. They are changing and shaping so much... They will come out a person at the end - now they are teenage:)

My dd is 18 next week. Wet have just come back from the F1 in Silverstone. SHE chose this for her 18th. She chose her seats as she washed a special lando merch pack. I chose my seats as were specifically wanted certain ones for me and my DH. We arrived, she got the merch pack and then refused to sit in her seats. Me and DH had to split up and desire having a severe sun intolerance due to medication I ended up sitting in full blazing sun for the race. Couldn’t last past lap 14 and had to go sit in a tent and watch the race on the big screen. Then spent two goes feeling like I was going to vomit and passout. Sure managed to ruin spring every single despite being lucky enough to get a paddock pass and meet all her favourite drivers. Is not that she’s a selfish twat ( although she absolutely can be) it’s more that she has adhd and really auricles to regulate her emotions in high dopamine periods. Long and short I paid £900 per seat for me and DH and £450 per seat for her and my DN. I didn’t even get to use my front row seat at the finish line.

I’m booking today for next year for me and DH and dn, as she is now going to be 18 she is 100% not coming with us. If she wants to go she can put her hand in her own pocket and run her own experience and sleep in her own tent away from me and DH. I love her but fuck me was she hard work. I even told my DH I want a divorce him at one point and that he gets custody of her 😂

Is this the last family holiday together ?

Surely, your child can start going on holiday with friends next year ?

It depends, I think I started hating going on family holidays when I was about 9 and it wasn't about me being a horrible kid, I think you can grow out of liking the kind of holidays that your parents like.

Fir my parents it was 10 days in usually the Balearics of sunbathing on the beach each morning and sunbathing by the pool each afternoon, as kid that starts to wear a bit thin, as you get a bit older it gets harder to occupy yourself and used to get anxious thinking of all those days away from my friends and climbing the walls with boredom.

I'm a 46 year old avid traveller now and my mum still harps on about how I didn't want to go on holiday as a kid but the reality is that I don't go on those kinds of holidays as an adult! My partner and I recently took a trip to Poland which involved a few days exploring Gdansk, a day trip to Sopot including some urbex in an abandoned, derelict hotel overlooking the sea, we took a train to Warsaw and explored Warsaw fur a few days. I think those feelings I had as a kid was genuine because I still feel the same about those sorts of holidays now.

i'm expecting that with our youngest when she finished school this year. She wants to go to Italy (we live Australia) because i'm sure tik tok said it's the most gluten free friendly place. She's also lactose intolerant..Then staying in London to see my sister. She has autism and i hates crowds and anything different, especially food. Glad to see with space she's happier. Ours is like that. We know if we leave her, give her space to adjust, she usually will come good. I'm actually dreading our holiday. I love her to bits..but travelling anywhere with her is painful, i can handle her hating crowds - she's thought of that and has us visiting places at 5am lol, but i'm dreading the going out or finding food parts.

All the suggestions to just ignore it… I will never ignore this kind of rudeness from my children. Whether they are 6, 16 or 66.

Wow what a turnaround. In the space of a day the teen has gone from a dark cloud ruining the entire holiday to much better, happier and settled!

We just booked a hotel near the
main strip

then booked flights.
sorry I can’t remember anything else x

Why does she hate it? Does she think she looks fat in her bathing suit and so that is why she won't go to the pool? Does she miss her friends? Try to gently sort out the reason. If it's appearance based (frequently is with this age group in a beach setting) then see if you can come up with a solution--which may be new clothes.

I went on holiday to Spain when I finished my exams with my parents; I ‘hated’ it.
I was a horrid teenager. My parents just wanted to relax on the beach - they worked REALLY hard. I wanted to go out for adventures, not just lie in the sun.
I would love to go back and take that holiday again and be a better person.

I have just taken my 18 year old on a weeks holiday, we did lots of adventurous things and sunbathed.
Teenagers are always a challenge.