AIBU to feel hurt after my dad complained about Father’s Day?

Ok. Well as I said previously, the illness couldn’t be helped but I’d have still got his card and present to him before now! Who wants a Father’s Day card 3+weeks late? It’s not like you live at the other end of the country. You’re five minutes away!

I've said OP should have gone before now with his card and gift rather than wait. I've asked what her plans are to see him now she knows it's important to him.

This doesn't have to mean with the DC.
Y comment about them not having a relationship is about only seeing him once a month. That will add to why he doesn't know how to deal with them too.

He’s in his late 50’s, hardly old. He sounds like a pain in the backside and that everything falls onto OP with no effort from him.

He doesn't want to spend time with her kids!?

Someone else described him as sad, lonely and old. That's what I was referring to.

He sounds like hard work and he's now cutting his nose off by being 'busy' when you're trying to reschedule and bitching to his brother about you. Effort works both ways, if he rarely wants to spend time with your children, then naturally he will see less of you because at this stage of life you're a mother to young children who need you.

I’m not sure if I have this right, so apologies if I haven’t. So did you and DH and children go for a day out on actual Father’s Day then you offered to cook him a meal or whatever the following week but some of your household were ill and now he’s ‘busy’? Is that right?
If so, I’d be pretty pissed off that you couldn’t have dropped a card/gift off on your way out to the zoo or whatever because you clearly didn’t have childcare issues then. Or give it to him on the Thursday when you saw him?
The week after with people being ill couldn’t be helped but that was way too late!

So now you know it matters to him. Have you made arrangements to go and see him later/this week?

Fathers day 3 Sundays late has been and gone. See his only daughter is important to him.

I can't believe you only make time once a month to see your dad when he's 5 mins away. Is life really that busy you can't fit anyone in other than your nuclear family? How are your DC meant to establish relationships with him - or your in-laws assuming you have no time for them either?

Oh seriously 🙄

in the time you’ve spent on this thread… you could have done the 5 minute journey for a cup of tea in the garden with him.

Look, you aren’t close. You see each other once a month. You don’t need to justify anything to us.

I wasn't making his loneliness her responsibility, I was just trying to offer OP some suggestions which could maybe make things better as she's clearly bothered by the situation. I also never said he was a frail old man - you're the one repeatedly using that phrase

I also don't think it's outlandish for adult children to see their parents alone sometimes. The babysitter suggestion was because OP said her DH has work commitments which means he can't look after them.

He's a giant baby.

It seems almost performative, like he doesn't want to go out with you, but wants to be able to tell his brother that you saw him.

Does he go out of his way to invite you round? Show he wants to see you more in other ways?

How does she “help him” not be old? Very curious about this magical power this oP must have.

If OP's dad is ND (which she strongly suspects) then it's likely that "boring" is a euphemism for "too overwhelming". And of course she doesn't have to tinker with his cars if she doesn't want to - it was just a suggestion.

Worst deal of being the sandwich generation. He expects you to run around after him even though you've got small kids. I'm guessing he doesn't want to come round and play with them from what you've said. I'm afraid as an adult he will have to find ways of entertaining himself if he doesn't like what his grown up daughter with kids of her own has to offer. He wouldn't be saying this to a son, I can tell you.

@thejelliclecats out of interest, given that OP's dad finds her days out boring, and spending time with her children boring, why should she go and spend time fixing cars with him? Is she allowed to say that's boring, like he does to her?

It's batshit for people to make his loneliness OP's responsibility, and to paint him as some frail lonely old man who nobody cares about. OP spends regular time with him and she's got two young kids. You expect her to get a babysitter to visit her dad??
The only, literally only thing OP did wrong was not posting the card on the actual day.

I think in your shoes I would have popped the card around on actual Father’s Day, to give it to him a week later when he came for dinner means the card is not really relevant anymore.
Its his choice to sulk and not come to dinner the week after, so that’s on him but I do try and get cards to people for the day they have meaning even if plans have gone awry, which they often do when you have kids, as the card usually means more then a message/phonecall.

Maybe so. That still doesn't make his loneliness OP's responsibility. It sounds like he's got his life the way he wants it. And again, not a frail old man. He's 50something!

It's not batshit for a grown adult to want to spend time with his adult daughter alone, ffs.

OP has also said she is ND and suspects he is too, which does put a whole new spin on things. Many "high functioning" members of the older generations never received a diagnosis and were just left to be "different".

He feels pushed out because OP has young kids that she has to look after? This thread is batshit.

You're right. Stupid idea. Apologies to all