To have another baby if you find the early years hard?

My first was a horrendous baby. My second was a dream. Now they are teens, the eldest has been very little trouble. The youngest ( while not being terrible at all) is a typical teenager- messy, spends a lot of time in his room etc. TBH seeing the 2 of them I think it was me!

I felt very much like you and was undecided about another for ages. We did go again in the end, with a 5 1/2year age gap, and no regrets. My second also wasn't an easy baby but my eldest was in school and didn't need constant attention or hand holding like a toddler would. I also think I worried less about the little things than I did first time round. They have a lovely relationship and although there are pros and cons I've never wished we had a smaller gap.

The two things that made us decide to go for it were firstly realising that if we could be handed a one year old without the pregnancy of newborn stage we both wouldn't hesitate, so perhaps it was worth putting up with that first bit, and also a 'pregnancy scare' where I realised I was disappointed the test was negative.

I also found baby years pretty awful and enjoyed the toddler years (and beyond!) Now, I kind of wish I’d had a third, but at the best time (say, a 2 year old and a 4 year old) there was absolutely no way I was going back to the baby years. Later it felt like the gap would be too big and it would affect my existing kids (and us) who wouldn’t be able to do as much because we’d have to revolve around baby/toddler/pre-schooler again.

My second was much easier than my first, but it is difficult balancing the needs of more than one child. You would have a bigger gap though and would have one at school by then, I assume?

I’d say that if you always thought you’d have two, don’t be put off by a tough couple of years - it’s incredibly hard at the time but it is such a short part of your total time with them.

I've just got the one, and I'm happy with that choice.
I got pregnant quite young though ( 20).
Hated the newborn era, but loved toddler years and he's been no trouble really - not even as a teen ( he's 40 soon).
When he was about 7, I thought I'd quite like another, so we came off contraception. One month I thought we'd caught, and actually felt terrified, so I knew my answer then.

I think you live and learn and usually feel more confident with a second baby. I definitely found number 2 easier than number 1 but I think a lot of that is dependant on the baby's personality - some are just generally more chilled than others! But with 2nd baby you at least have some experience and expectations are different, you know what you're doing! You also have to factor in caring for a newborn while juggling the needs of a toddler or older child though.

My 5th baby was the hardest - hated being put down and cried a lot more than the other 4! I always say if I'd had him first, I might not have had any more 😂

From everything you’ve written it sounds like maybe another baby isn’t the best thing for you ?

I did it again and the second one was even more difficult 😭 there will not be a third !

I found it hard went on to have ds2, found it even harder as he would wake up at 4am no matter what I did for years. Would not have another, no way.z

My first was very challenging, and I’m not very good at small children. He was the kind of baby where strangers would stop and comment “our second was like that, if it had been our first we wouldn’t have had another”. He was unhappy about everything till he was 4.

But then he bloomed into a much easier kid. And so we had a second. The second was so much easier! Slept better (still not through till he was 3), generally contented. Until he turned 4, when he discovered his voice and was unhappy about everything till he was about 7.

So the early years were hard, but we still had another. And now that they are towards the end of primary and secondary school they are generally delightful.

You don’t have babies forever (though those years felt neverending to me). They grow up, and change. Even if you had the easiest, happiest babies/toddlers it doesn’t follow that the rest of their childhood will be the same.

Prepare for the second to be as difficult as the first, and hopefully you’ll find it easier than you expect.

But equally, if you’re not feeling ready to have a second, then don’t. Maybe you’ll feel ready in a year or two, maybe you won’t. Make the best decisions you can for you and your family in the moment. If you end up with more children, then great. If not, then you’ll be able to give your all to the one.

Ironically I found 0-1 so much easier second time despite having twins. I was more chilled and they slept well.

I love having 3 teens now (although 2 is probably enough and was the original plan).

Stuck with one, very happy with that choice. I’m a much better mum to one than I would be to more.

I know people who left gaps after tricky first kids (or for other reasons) but now they have age gaps eg a friend has a 9 year old & 3 year old and their weekends and holidays don’t sound like much fun to me, just one big compromise.

Whereas we just fully embrace DC’s current age and ability.

I absolutely hated the newborn stage and swore I’d never do it again. Quite liked my son when was 1.5 - 2, then it’s been tricky until now when he’s just over 3, though I do love spending time with him when he’s in a good mood 🙂
But I had a second baby about 10 months ago. And the whole thing has been much better. Having a tricky toddler has made me appreciate how easy a baby can be in comparison! If you need to go out then you just pop them in the car. The toddler involves a battle every step of the way.
I had a horrid birth with my first so wasn’t keen to experience that again. But the second birth was amazing.
Even the sleep deprivation, whilst still unpleasant the second time around, was easier to deal with because you have the experience from the first time that you know it will end. Alot of it has been easier the second time.
But then there’s harder aspects such as balancing time between the two, keeping the toddler from hurting the baby etc.

If you want another, do it. It might not be so difficult this time - every baby is different. If it is difficult, you'll get through it (I say this assuming you didnt have PND, or have other MH issues).