To decline my friend’s bbq invite ?

I don't agree. Why should she continue to attend situations where she feels uncomfortable? It's fine I think to continue to offer 1:1 contact.

I think it's ok to be honest if you stick to basic facts, in this case that these people don't really talk to the OP or engage when she tries to talk to them. Describing their behaviour rather than criticising their characters essentially.

I think you should it up once or twice a year for the sake of your friendship, in all honestly.

I think a couple of the commenters on this thread are taking OP's description of these acquaintances oddly personally. Presumably because they identify as middle class and think OP is applying her judgement to all middle class people rather than just to these particular friends-of-friends. OP I wouldn't bother responding to the people asking you to explain your exact assessment of these people, or to clarify your words. They know what you meant.

As for not going: your time is your own, your life is your own and life is too short to spend with people who you feel uncomfortable around. See your friend one on one where you can.

I’m WC but don’t apply a class test for friends.

This is well put. I think the OP is absolutely entitled not to go to any event she doesn’t want to go to, and maybe her friend’s friends just genuinely aren’t her kind of people. But it’s a little bit difficult to tell from the original post whether there’s a bit of reverse snobbery that’s being applied, or maybe just projecting class assumptions onto the friend’s friends, and interpreting everything they do through that, because they’re MC rather than approaching them with an open mind as individuals. I think most of us would be sad if someone just wrote us off as a potential friend based on the class we come from.

Nah, I'm so over going to things where I know I'll either be bored, annoyed, isolated or whatever in the middle of the other guests.

That has nothing to do with the friend who invited me, more the dynamic of her family (not all of them) and guests.

I still meet up, but just with her, and that's worked out fine. I don't often get invites from her, but when I do I either say it'll only be for an hour as I have to be at X, or I decline. Life is much calmer and easier (for me) that way. It takes a bit of practice to say no or decline, but it gets easier, and no one will miss me or OP, you can be sure of that!

It means she doesn't like the people and doesn't feel comfortable around them. People feel this way about others for all sorts of reasons, because different people like different people.
The question being should she endure the BBQ for her friends sake or not.
My view is not. The friend will have a crowd so it's not like OPs presence will make or break the event. Sometimes it's just oil and water and there's no point trying to force a mix.

I understand. But honestly, in my experience, people are super understanding and don't take honesty as an insult (as long as you're being polite). It can also help to send these messages across via text rather than in person.

Good luck!

OP, you don't have to give a reason not to go. Your friend won't ask why. Could you say you can't make it but then invite her to your place or to meet up another time in the same message. Personally I never give any thought to people not being able to attend and just enjoy myself with those who do. We don't all like the same things and have competing priorities. I think having a toddler makes you consider how you spend your time. I wouldn't make any comments about her friends though-I think that would be unkind. She also has the right to spend her time with whoever she wants. Can you meet up with your friend who has moved and her instead? Maybe you arrange that next.

That’s silly, OP. Don’t go if you don’t want to go, and if you can limit the impact on your friendship, but don’t delude yourself you’re modelling something important for your toddler. Who would presumably just run around with the other kids rather than monitoring her mother to see if she’s enjoying herself.

It’s still not very clear what you mean by ‘obnoxious’ and ‘different values’, which are a very different thing to ‘more reserved’ and having a ‘different job/lifestyle’. Their social class is neither here nor there unless you think all middle-class people are reserved and all WC people are loud and chatty. I had people around on Friday night. They included a nail technician, a lorry driver, a SAHM, an architect and a neurosurgeon. I’m WC but don’t apply a class test for friends.

I would decline, but it might have impacts for your friendship if you only want to see her 121. Some people prefer group socializing and don't do much individually so if someone doesn't fit their circle the friendship can fizzle out.

It’s fine not to go but don’t go kidding yourself you’re teaching your toddler a lesson in adult boundaries op, that was reaching 😁 they won’t know it’s not on if you don’t go, and unless you sob your way through it they won’t know you’re not having a wonderful time.

I would definitely decline. But I wouldn't tell my friend it's because I'm busy, because then she'll keep inviting me to these things. I'd just be honest with her and tell her "look, I really appreciate your invitations and that you want to include me in your events, but I have to be honest...I struggle with your friends. They are all nice enough, but we just don't vibe at all, and don't have much in common to talk about. I'll happily see you any time, but I don't think I feel comfortable around your friends".

I get op when you dont click even if you try.

Just a polit decline and fizzle out from it all.

Ultimately you have to do what works for you whilst being realistic about how it affects the relationship. If you have the opportunity to meet one to one or with just the other friend then that's fine.

Does she always need her entourage or does she fly solo on meet ups too? Assuming you can meet 121, I'd tell her you can't make it but ask if the two of you can meet up another time.

For what it's worth I don't think that it's wrong to try and bring people together, it's just that it doesn't always work.

Don't go. Well done for giving it a go in the past but in experience these things never change. Focus on seeing your friend in a 1:1 capacity there's nothing wrong with that.

Either take her out for a lovely afternoon tea /birthday meal or drop in for an hour right at the start to give her gift and have a chat. Say you have another commitment but wanted to wish her a happy birthday and have a drink to celebrate..

Don't make it into a big thing, just keep it low key and see her separately especially if she's a lovely friend. They are hard to find nowadays so cherish her regardless of her social circle.

I think it would be useful to know in what way the op finds them obnoxious tbh, but to a point it doesn't really matter. Op doesn't need a solid reason not to like these people or to want to spend time with them. Sometimes it is just that you don't get on well and that's that

It's pretty easy to get the picture from the descriptions. Using synonyms isn't going to elucidate further or affect the answer to her question - which is a dilemma arising from conflicting feelings.