To decline my friend’s bbq invite ?

They certainly can. Are you saying working class people cannot be wealthy?

Oh yes because middle class people are classy and never brag. 😳 The divider has always been about money since the beginning of the system.

What is so “amazing” about this friend?

This is not solely my experience.
The question was asked, what’s the difference, in my opinion my answer is conversation and life experience.
Your reply was rude and dismissive.

You are confusing a wealth disparity with social class. And you must hang around with some incredibly dullards if they spend barbecues discussing their pensions, rental properties and what type of car they drive.

I think you are confusing wealth with class. There can be a class divide but attitude to money/talking about money is more of a divider IMO.

Mostly conversation, travel experiences, 5 star luxury hotel breaks in faraway lands, not a camping trip or a trip to Spain.
Food, discussions about worldwide cuisine, pension plans, rental properties, electric vs fuel 4x4.
When you drive a fiesta, have been abroad a handful of times on a budget, your fanciest restaurant experience is the local 3* restaurants, it stunts the conversation.
I am sure a middle class person would feel a bit outside listening to a group discuss their favourite holiday in Blackpool, sneaking beers in to save a few pound. They cannot relate.

I don't think there is anything controversial about admitting that it can be awkward to be the odd one out in a group for whatever reason. Some people have the charisma to socialise well despite it and some groups are better at including the outlier than others but let's not kid ourselves that this sort of exclusion never happens.

Ok don't go then. This reads like yet another non event made up to incite a class debate anyway
incite? Invite? Oh you know what I mean 😂

Yes-I’d like to know that too. Because I’m pretty sure that if I came on here saying I didn’t want to go to a barbecue because it was too working class, I would be marmelized. And rightly so.

Do explain the ‘different social norms’ of a WC vs a MC barbecue.

I think as a mature adult you quite often find some groups of people just aren't interested in making new friends or chatting with friends of friends with whom they have little to nothing in common. I used to find this going to BBQs with DH held by an old school mate and his wife. When a few of his other old school mates went along it was great as we had enough in common. As the years went on it was increasing their neighbours and hobby friends who attended instead and it was hard to find common ground, or they didn't seem very interested. Which is fine. Different people don't always gel and that's fine.

If you're worried about losing the friendship and the bbq is important to her I'd just call in for an hour. Take her a bunch of flowers, have a burger and leave, with a pre planned reason.

I'd politely decline but tell your friend you want to do something special to celebrate her birthday with just the two of you.

All she has to do is catch up with her friend and give the snobby lot a wide berth.
Life is too short to do things you really don't want to do .

I am sure that poster understood what the words meant but middle class vs chatty doesn't make sense. Reserved and obnoxious isn't oxymoronic per se but it does need a bit of an explanation?

I got what curlew meant anyway.

😂

I was going to say this 😂 or Google them what a silly thing to say .

Good on you for giving it a miss .. how long would a day be with people you don't like or have no common ground with .. id definitely not beable to make it .Enjoy your day doing something you really want to do x

jeeze she just doesn’t like them. She doesn’t need a reason. It’s not a cross examination

Like everything in life, do what you are most comfortable with. You live your life for you, for no one else...also autism is not an excuse for her husband not even to say hello, she is using it as an excuse. I wouldn't waste my time going somewhere , that you dislike. With any luck if you keep declining, she should stop asking you.

From what you’ve described wild horses couldn’t get me there!

Just to add - not saying this is exactly the case you're talking about, OP, but there are people who invite others to things just to snub them. It's a thing!

In this situation you're right to avoid being on 'their' territory. If her husband is rude and snobbish and you're their guest it's not so easy to assert yourself. If they're on your territory and he's rude, you can go for him.

We used to get invitations from a rude cousin of my husband and they always wanted us to go to them. This wasn't out of generosity - it was because, either consciously or unconsciously, they knew that they had more chance of getting away with being rude and unkind while we were at their mercy their guests. So we insisted they come to us and they didn't like it one bit! They themselves had to behave better and it really rankled. We lost touch as soon as the grandparents died who used to try to nurture this relationship.

I've also got a very difficult member of my extended in laws who I've given up on having a good relationship with. Sometimes it really is on the other person and not you.

I totally get what you are saying OP. We had this for years with my sils (husbands sister) in-laws. They were all cliquey and stuck up their own arses and no reason why as they certainly had no reason to carry on like that and myself and DH used to dread events and my sil loved hosting. After a few years I said it to my sil after her nephews wife was openly rude to me at a birthday party and it did open her eyes a bit . Usually in my own experience most normal people regardless of background will mix and gel together at these type of things.