AIBU to feel overwhelmed by my husband's constant monologuing?

My husband can be a bit like this. I wear headphones and listen to audiobooks to block him out. Then he gets cross because he talking to me and I can’t hear.
Hes amazing in other ways and we’ve been together for ever so I don’t let it bother me too much.

My Mum on the other hand can monologue for England and it really is boring as fuck. She’s like Uncle Colm in Derry Girls.

Can you think about your finances and make a plan so you can leave him? It sounds like that’s what you want to do. Yes it’s tough financially being single but the alternative is you spend the rest of your life like this, which is a long time given you’re only half way through it.

OMG you're describing mine. The refrain of my day is "where are you VelmaKelly"

Along with "remind me what you're doing today" even after I have explained where I will be and have put it in the shared calendar.

He'll frequently not see I'm leaving the room for some reason, @VelmaKelly
oh yes, I can be half way up the stairs on the way to the loo, and he’s still talking.
Or, he’ll come in from the garden and assume that I am where he last saw me, and start talking.

My DH is like this - not so much the wittering on but thinking out loud about things. I'll frequently get updates on email negotiations and rehashing of conversations he's had with other people. He'll sometimes give an uninvited lecture on events of the world as he sees them. He'll frequently not see I'm leaving the room for some reason, start a comment/rehash, and I'm supposed to stop and listen. It's exhausting.

My DD's and I believe he's undiagnosed on the spectrum.

I tune out a lot.

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

Yup. Agreed.

My husband has been known for wittering on in great detail - usually to better an idea or thought I might have.

I tell him to STFU and he listens. He has ADHD - the mornings for an hour after his meds are wild. BUT he is self aware and reads the room (albeit sometimes only after I point it out).

He is brilliant in lots of other ways. So for us it works.

Menopause has been a test on our relationship as I cant keep quiet if he pisses me off. Just coming out the other side and we are still hanging in together, so there may be hope, if thats what you want, OP?

ETFA

OH I often don't answer the phone if I'm out. I say if he asks that I left it in the car. Or I was driving.

I haven’t RTFT so if this has been suggested, I’m sorry. Have you considered recording his monologues to play back for him? It would make it more difficult for him to deny his self-centred behaviour.

This sounds like my sisters husband. Even tonight she managed to get away for 1 night- I haven’t seen her for ages she is always busy. But after she left this afternoon his car broke down and she said he must have sent 20 texts while she was driving to see me - about 2 hour drive- and after she arrived he phoned and was talking for nearly half an hour. Just wittering on and on about logistics of the car, It as a pure monologue with him describing every detail of the breakdown - which was not dramatic as he could walk home - and wanting to talk logistics about the week ahead. It was just so boring . In the end I started calling her for dinner as he wouldn’t stop. Then he got cut off but rang back to finish the story. She said she would phone him back later 🙈🙈🙈

I would just tell him "dilligaf" everytime he starts going into a monologue and if or when he asks what it means tell him it means "do i look like i give a fuck"....say it each and every time and hopefully he will shut up for a bit

I’d buy him a pad and pen, sit him down and say I know you don’t really think you are the only person in this marriage who matters. This is for you to track the number of times a day you’ve genuinely inquired about something in my life or listened and engaged about something to do with me. Asking me if I agree with you while you monologue at me does not count. Also, stop calling me while driving unless it’s an emergency.
let’s see what you have in two weeks. And walk off. Especially if he just starts to talk at you. Walk off quickly.

Nothing to do with the menopause, he sounds completely intolerable! And yes that is your life forever unless you leave

While I was reading the OP I was starting to wonder if I’d written it in my sleep.
My DP is almost identical. Our DC (20s) reckon he is Audhd, not diagnosed.
He can monologue for ages, favourite topics being Politics (especially taxing the rich), Donald Trump, Electric Cars, solar panels and house batteries, global warming.
He accidentally left me a voicemail (dialled me while driving) and it was a rant about effing selfish drivers, cars the size of an effing house, and then a weird commentary on a young man he’d seen being well built with a winning smile, until the message ran out of time.
Yesterday I had to do an online safeguarding course and not to disturb me. He couldn’t help himself and every 5 minutes or so, would say something that expected a response. I just ignored him and didn’t speak.
One day this week, DD was staying over ( she hadn’t quite left home yet) and she texted me “He won't leave me alone, I'm going to bf house”
When I told DP that she’d gone because he kept talking, he said ‘only a bit’ and “what else have I done wrong?” in a sulky voice

No advice OP, sorry, I'm hoping to learn something from the replies.

I hope this will, too.

I bloody love this.

Please do this OP, if only for your own brief entertainment. I know this is a serious problem for you and you're miserable but hopefully even the thought of doing this brought a little smile to your face.

Please make one! Or maybe take some of your clothes & stuff them, & make a head out of a cushion cover or similar: paint or embroider a face, use yarn for hair, etc. The naffer, the better. Maybe a T-shirt or a badge saying 'WIFE' would be a nice touch.

Then prop up the substitute 'you' on a chair in the room he's monologuing in, & walk out. If he asks what you're doing/what that is, just say he doesn't actually need you there & this will join in just as much as you always do. Then go off & enjoy yourself in peace.

Yep. But mine even checks Google if I correct his blather. He rarely says ah yes sorry I was wrong. 🙄. As Shirley Valentine put it "Aren't men full of crap"

Brain damage.

Monoguing is a symptom of heavy drinking - the pub bore is medical fact.

Does he ramble worse when he’s had a few?

Vitamin B shots sort it out if he’s not too far gone.

Otherwise, sit him down and threaten to leave. Mean it.

Yes, like it! Better than putting up with this rubbish!

OP you need to get better at making excuses to leave the monologues - go to another room, bad phone signal, need to run an errand etc….

My elderly mother is like this and it's making it really intolerable for us to cope with especially now that she's in declining health.Family members aren't keen to share much with her any more because it'll be endlessly discussed for days on end and we don't need to participate in the conversation at all.
She simply never stops talking and our family rota for sitting with her is getting very difficult.
The OP seriously needs decompression time and I'd consider building in time consuming hobbies just to escape him.

We say 'dadsplaining' in our house too! DC are both teens, eldest got me some Bluetooth earbuds for Xmas, at the time I wasn't sure if use them but I now see how wise he is. I can pop them in and have some peace inside my head, and a perfect excuse not to be listening to the ramblings.
There's a cartoon over here called bluey and in one episode the dad character enters the room and says loudly "IT'S DAD!!!!" And the other ignore. This repeats through the episode. We now use that as an inside joke (the DC and I)....
Good luck op, can you work from the library or similar? I would be hanging up on the random calls also.

It amazes me how many people grow up and never learn the art of conversation! A couple of my Dad's friends (people in their 60s and 70s) are like this. Its not just that they love the sound of their own voices, they actively talk over you if you make any attempt at dialogue. How can you get to that age without realising that coversation is a two way street!?
My MIL is exactly the same, as a result my husband dreads ringing/visiting her.
You have my utmost sympathy @earsringing. I couldn't live with someone like that.

OP, you poor women.
How haven't you gone absolutely mad?
I think you need to work towards leaving, even if it takes time.
In the meantime you need to tell him the truth, to leave you alone.
Put your 🤚up and keep saying "leave me alone please".
He is talking at you, not too you.
Noise cancelling earphones too.
You need peace before he destroys your mental health.

He acts out conversations? Weird.

I had a work colleague who was like this, whenever you went to make a cuppa you'd get stuck for at least 20+ minutes if he turned up at the kitchenette and use up your entire bit of break. I remember desperately trying to find an out whilst he would drone on about himself. I was always bemused as he would start a conversation like "how was your weekend" and you could just see him not really listening and just waiting for his turn to reel off his "hilarious" interactions and shenanighans over the weekend that you "had to be there for". So fucking glad for the lockdown, I can't imagine actually having this sort of person as a partner though. Fuck me.