AIBU to feel overwhelmed by my husband's constant monologuing?

Speak to him first op.

Buy some loop earplugs. It will help lower the noise but you can still hear. I bought them for another reason and they helped massively. I would also tell him to stop doing it !! That would set my teeth on edge

If you left and rented somewhere, you could probably apply for UC and get some help with your rent. Would the kids want to come with you?

Has he always been like this?

That's a very good line !

Has he always been like this? What attracted you to him in the first place? What has changed?

I think often its because no one has the heart to read the riot act to them so they never learn.

I was pretty much the only person who told my dad his stories were boring and repetitive, my mum never did. I think people who are close to people like this have an obligation to tackle it while they’re young enough to change.

These men also sound so bloody weird. What do their poor colleagues say?

I have had to address these kinds of issues. I took the time to mentally prepare some phrases. I started using them regularly. He can’t engage in a deep meaningful conversation, so I scatter them through the day.

You know my opinions are just as important as yours, right?
Remember you aren’t the only opinion in the room.
Right, my turn to choose!
I wonder how my day went?

You have to say it very firmly, then let it go. It gradually seeps into the situation as something to be accounted for in my experience.

I upset him yesterday over something. He was interfering in a job I already had in hand. I told him the time to have a go at team work was 20 years ago when I was still trying. It’s too late now.

How stressed is he? People entrench in comforting habits when they are stressed. DH is now more relaxed, semi retired, and suddenly ready to do things with me. Ship, sailed.

To avoid a lifetime of utter misery you need to be proactive with this. You say you can't leave because of finances and you don't know how to address this but you must do something. The problem is you are all but separated you have no power to ask him to change. Why would he do that for you if you have no relationship. So you are either left with actually figuring out a way to split properly or wondering if he stopped monologuing could a real relationship be back on the cards and so maybe marriage counselling. Sounds like he has ADHD to me and could do with some help. I have a 'friend' who is similar and she has the ability to keep it under control but otherwise she is an awful bore and I go out of my way to avoid her most times. I often wonder how her partner copes.

He probably thinks he is entertaining and informing you. It might be just thoughtless and misplaced, and it's a habit he has formed. But habits can be broken too! You could,as suggested, try just speaking to him, and letting him know it's getting to you - all the things you said in your post. If it doesn't work, you will have to absent yourself. I learned to say 'I have to go now' and walk away. Find solitary things to do, running as suggested, walking, having a long bath, join the gym or go to some sort of class he isn't interested in. Apart from anything else, it might pique his interest enough for him to ask you about yourself and what you're doing. Does he do this with your children as well? Or just you? Good luck - it's a tough one.

Mine has long dialogues with someone in the shower. I have started asking him about his imaginary friends.. tbh I'm happy he rants to himself because atleast he doesn't expect any input. Getting so used to it that I'm able to tune out completely. I thought he was unique but I'm relieved he's not the only one. He's 53 and has def gotten worse. What's wrong with them?

Well to start with, stop tolerating this.

Tell him to shut up, it is enough

be “rude” be “selfish” tell him he is wittering in and can he get to the point

being a good partner does not mean meekly accepting all this selfishness and idiocy, it means advocating for yourself and pushing back

shot “enough!” And tell him he has bit stopped talking yet never listens to you

throw plates. scream at him but stop playing your meek little part in these conversations

Buy big can headphones and wear them. He’ll have to tap you to get your attention- might act as a circuit break for his droning.

I would honestly tell him though- look, you’re boring me.

Speaking from my own experience - DP was not like this when we met. Our conversations were very different. This monologuing has crept up over the years, so for me to suddenly say STFU would be very confrontational.
How does OP feel about this?

My other half can be like this but thankfully not all that often! For some reason it's mainly when he's in the shower or when getting up off a chair 😵‍💫 I can hear this rambling away, his usual phrase is "ohhhhh I need a new job!" (He actually likes his job) Then the rambling begins! He was so loud yesterday that the dog shot off the bed and went downstairs! It happens more when he is stressed though. He doesn't even realise he's doing it.

Has he always been like this, or is this a new development?

If it's recent I would suspect early onset dementia. Does he have any other unusual symptoms?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/about-dementia/what-is-dementia/

How long has he been like this?

I will never, ever understand the phenomenon of women who meet men with obvious intolerable habits and then proceed to marry them, have children with them, say nothing to them about the intolerable habits and then only after years or decades have passed realise it's intolerable. I'm not saying that a monologuing man isn't intolerable but take some responsibility.

He's continued to monologue all these years because you've never told him directly that it's completely intolerable. He thinks you're OK with it because all you do is silently seethe or drop subtle hints. You need to actually tell him how awful you find it. Frankly you're both crap at communication - he does too much of it and you do too little.

😂Ulysses!

You're trying to avoid an argument by not being blunt, ans you know he'll turn it around and act wounded if you bring it up.

My mum does this and it's maddening, they don't realise how much they're distripting another person's leace by them needing to he in listening mode constantly. I now say to her " I didn't buy tickets to this lecture or one woman show thanks" and shut it down

Wow I'm amazed at how many of you are married to people that do this?
It isn't normal and you are saints to put up with it. I couldn't, peace and quiet and good conversation is too important to me.
In OPs situation I think Id start with a caring approach which would be to raise with the DH that his behaviour isnt normal and highly isolating for me and to work together to resolve it (Adhd diagnosis?) If he wasnt open to that I think I'd be divorcing, it sounds horrible.

That would drive me nuts. I have to tell DH to STFU when he does it occasionally when packing a suitcase or something, as I can't hear my own thoughts.

I think that there are quite a lot of adults, men in particular (but I know women who are like this too) who were never told when they were children by their parents that they shouldn't be boring! That it was fine to talk but only if they had something interesting to say.

A girlfriend of mine is in the midst of a very nasty divorce and while I can see that her STBXH has a lot of faults, she is a terrible witterer and her husband probably clocked out years ago.

I'm very glad I was told as a child not to bore others and I do find myself telling my DH, who definitely wasn't told that, not to repeat dull stories involving eg admin hiccups, friends' elderly parents' incontinence issues or road rage events. He mostly remembers because I'm very fierce about it and he loves me a lot and wants me to enjoy his company but it's not easy correcting bad habits that have been deeply instilled.

Has he always been like this or is it new? How old is he? It sounds like it could be the start of something.