AIBU to feel overwhelmed by my husband's constant monologuing?

Get a big, obvious pair of headphones and wear them often. Pretend you’re listening in to an important work call or that you’re listening to a podcast. Hopefully he’ll cease talking at you.

You should have done it ages ago, but couples counselling is a must. You need to tell him some home truths and this is best done with a third person present. It has gone way too far and the only hope for the relationship is a complete reset. He needs to know that and SOON. Good luck you will need it.

“Do other peoples husbands do this?”

No because its not normal. I would suspect he is ND. Either way he needs to be told to stfu.

He sounds awful op.

No way could I put up with that....

Oh @earsringing I feel you deeply!

I too wondered if it was my age, becoming less tolerant, etc.

I got rid. I know that sounds so incredibly cold.

I talked about it with him until blue in the face (when I could get a word in). I gave chances... And chances...

There is something so deeply sad about being with somebody, and feeling so lonely.

There were other issues, but feeling like I didn't matter, or what I had to say wasn't worth listening to, was a very big part of ending the relationship.

I agree with others, you need to shout how you're feeling. Give him the opportunity to consciously change for you. If he does, you will know he loves you deeply.

Best of luck.

My dh does this sometimes. Thank god, not all the time though.

You have to make time for yourself. Figure out a strategy. See what works: non-confrontional (i need some quiet now, I'll listen to you in half an hour) to assertive ("I'll engage in a conversation, but i'm not going just sit and listen to you while you ignore me"). See what works. Hopefully he'll get the message when his instant gratification is gone.

Personally, i'd fuck off down the pub with the dog!

I think you need to start planning to leave.

My DH is like this, talks constantly, sighs, recounts conversations with others in minute detail. He is away tonight and the silence is golden. We do have a very good relationship so it hasn’t put me off him, but I am going to have to get him to rein it in.
i wish there was an app that could track the conversations for a while and give the share of speaking time as a percentage, like football possession stats. I honestly reckon it would be 90-10 or maybe 85-15.

Is he autistic? Regardless that would drive me bonkers. I could start by explaining this is not on, two way conversations etc your plan is to walk away if he starts or say this phrase etc and then every single time call him out on it. Walk away,don’t answer etc. If he is ND maybe harder ( but not impossible) to change and if not then absolutely should be able to stop that, sounds insufferable! I have a ND child like this and we are tackling this big time as I cannot have them enter adulthood like this, it’s improving! Ask him why he is doing it? If he starting listening to music in his ear pods or a podcast would it help?

It sounds a bit like a compulsion-could he have OCD? Does it distress him or is he perfectly happy doing it?

It sounds like you need to be brutally honest. He is so self absorbed he probably believes you are content with your life and all problems are of your own making.

Have you told him to shut up?

Surely you can't be thinking of leaving him without first having had a lot of conversations with him about this?

Er.. have you talked to him about this habit, asserted your right to be listened to, or do you just go along with it silently?

Sounds like she wouldn’t get a word in edgeways to tell him @thetinsoldier!

We just had a male who sounds exactly like your husband visit us. Two hours and we were feigning death we were so bloody bored of the self absorbed tedium that was constantly emanating from him at a steady drone. Not so much as a 'how are you' or 'how are the kids'. If I were looking down the barrel of retiring to that, I don't know who I'd take a leg of lamb and a patio to, me or him.

Well, he’s not going to change by himself, is he? So it might be forever…

Have you tried talking to him about it? Shouting? Screaming?

He probably simply doesn’t realise.

Please, please sit him down and let him know how you are feeling. If he’s a decent man, possibly autistic, with no social skills, he can change.

Dear lord seriously? That would drive me bonkers.

Until you feel able to leave buy some headphones so you don’t have to listen to him.

Sounds a lot like my father (Whom I strongly suspect is ND).
My DM puts up with a lot.
I remember years ago he worked away a lot but would always call her a few times a day, but I don’t recall her ever getting to say much about her day, was just a lot of “yes, mhmmm, uh huh” as she listened to him talk for an hour or so 😅.
But they’ve been married over 40 years so I suppose she’s just used to it.

God.

has he always been like this?

it sounds insufferable.

i’d tell him to stop. Tell him how it makes you feel - like everything is about him, that you don’t matter. Tell him you’re totally fed up of it and it’s making you dislike him.

Then get him to start talking to you, asking you questions. You could try one of those couples talking card games, see how you get on. If you have the patience…

My FIL used to do this and it’s utterly unbearable. I don’t blame you at all for it driving you mad. Do you really think you can do another 30 odd years of this? Is there anyway you can save up to leave? Or maybe occasionally WFH at a coffee shop or something?

My man-friend is exactly like this - but we live 100 miles apart 😂
I do tell him that it’s quite normal for me to want to read after a long day (and that I am in a relationship - with my ipad)

A friend has similar - she just says “it’s my quiet time now”

and my DB accompanies an older relative on holidays - DB just leaves the room mid monologue, he goes into the garden or other rooms for long periods - and when he returns the monologue just continues on (with his absence going un-noticed)..

I don’t have answers alas, but spend a lot of time simultaneously in my own headspace.

It would drive me mad too
Like living with an overgrown chatty toddler