AIBU to feel overwhelmed by my husband's constant monologuing?

Yep my DH has a tendency to do that but thankfully my adult DC take the absolute piss out of him and call it ‘dadsplaining’ and say “dad, look around the room, nobody is listening to you right now…” Thankfully he takes it in good spirit and says ‘oh I know I’m boring you all…’

You have just got to be harsh and tell him he’s boring and dominating. I don’t know why you wouldn't just tell him. If you find it irritating to that extent, he needs to be told. I would happily do that to the middled aged men I meet at social gatherings who think they’re God’s gift to the world with their boring one-man-show lectures - I always disrupt them or talk over them. Fuck ‘em. Arrogant sods. Find your anger op.

Sorry if I have missed it but has he always done this? The commentary during driving sounds intolerable and the rest would drive me insane to, its like he's got main character syndrome!

Tell him in no uncertain terms to shut the fuck up because he is boring you to insanity.
Just do it.

Have you observed him doing this to the kids? Have they ever said anything about him droning on about stuff?

Oof. How old are your teens?

I have a friend who began having “girl time” super cheap holidays with her DD and they were respite until the kids flew the nest and she could finally make the £ stack up.

The whistling alone would be enough for me. You must be a saint OP

That is the gift of peri, OP.

It leaves you entirely stripped. Not only of essential hormones, moisture and the ability to remember why you walked in the room, but also tolerance, sympathy and fucks-left-to-give. It also kick-starts the ‘hang on, but what about me?’ bit of the brain, which for most of us has been dormant for decades whilst we live our lives in the service of others.

Your bullshit threshold will no longer allow you to placate a self-absorbed windbag-with-a-ballbag, and your sudden sense of anger and injustice may well push you to do something about it - whether that’s drawing up new terms of engagement for your relationship, or plans for a completely new life of blissful silence, broken only by two-way conversation with people who are actually interested in how you feel and what you think.

My dad was like this but more charismatic so he got away with it for longer because he had some entertaining yarns and had had a very interesting career so for people who didn’t know him he sounded interesting but it was the same stories and opinions in a loop and no one got a word in edgeways ever. Fundamentally it was the same thing: an inability to conceive of others as being independent from him to listen and hear them. It was all about himself, endlessly. My mum tolerated it to her death but I just shut him off. I ignored him 75% of the time.

Its a horribly overused armchair diagnosis on here but in this case I do think this is neurodiversity (probably autism). Its a total inability to recognise that other people have emotional and social needs and perspectives that are different from yours and to act on this.

I’m sorry but I think for someone for whom it’s this entrenched and at this age its a lost cause. I doubt he has the cognitive or emotional skillset to see another person’s point of view, and certainly doesn’t want to. He would probably find it traumatic to be challenged on this and would just get frustrated and angry.

Honestly I would cut your losses and leave. It sounds soul destroying.

Spray bottle? Squirt him when he starts. Then apologise and say it's a hot flush and you mis-aimed

Then if he starts talking about the time he was really hot you can spray him again. In the mouth. Ask if that might've helped.

My ex husband was like this, if a nice man otherwise. I found giving it until I had had enough then just walking away or starting to do something else and ignoring him stopped it. He only got annoyed once saying “are you EVEN LISTENING to me?” I said, “no, shut the fuck up for once?” Maybe dented his confidence but I was going insane.

I honestly think you need to go to couples counselling.Then he has to listen.

Re the % point you might be interested in this

Knitting to show male councillors spoke more than women

Quite striking to how much they dominated

I’ve read so many posts like this over the years re husbands over 40. I wonder if it’s something that gets worse over time? I’ve noticed my almost 50 year old DH mostly talks about stuff related to him and often zones out when I speak. Some of it is down to ADHD but I do think men get more self absorbed the older they get…

Can you record one hour of it and insist on playing it back to him?
Say where is this a conversation - when do you stop talking about you.
Say I would prefer silence to this you can monologue for 1 hour then I am out of the room
Say do you not hear how fucking boring this is?

My Dh is prone to this, his is autistic, but has managed in the last couple of years to pick up on my cues, but it’s still very difficult. I second running and also working from the library or a cafe. Literally stay away from the guy as much as possible until you’ve managed to get yourself sorted enough to leave.

Have you tried saying "I don't give a fuck mate" and then wandering off to please yourself?

I had one of these briefly but my above suggestion quickly got rid.

Be less available. Headphones, book. When DH gets like this I point out I'm actually reading/listening to something. Ask about his day but with a time limit.
Or leave.

He needs to get a life. I’m joking but not really.

I see the other posts that you can’t afford to leave etc. is it worth taking it to couples counselling through relate? I agree with the others, find yourself a hobby and get out the house a few nights a week - running the gym crafts dance etc. only you can make you happy and it will improve your tolerance of him in the short term and help you make a decision when you feel better in yourself x

This is the answer to most problems on here. STFU

I'm so glad I'm single and don't have to listen to men's pathetic wittering. Once the oestrogen is gone, you're free. Fly high OP 💪

Was he one of those children who was so amazingly special he was allowed to interrupt adult conversations and constantly told how fascinating he was? They tend to grow up to be self indulgent bores with no self awareness.

Anyway - time to be blunt. Tell him to stop being self indulgent. End the call. Leave the room. Walk away. Interrupt. Say, ‘You’re doing it again. Zero Self-awareness.’

Otherwise, the more you sit there tolerating this the more will give you his own goddawful version of Ulysses every waking minute. He needs to know he’s a bore and that you are close to you calculating if you can leave.

He sounds like he has adhd. Get him to consider being assessed and medicated?

No my DH doesn't do this - he sounds bloody awful OP, self absorbed & dull as fuck

is the reason you bluntly haven't told him to shut the fuck up yet because you're worried about his reaction?

Have you tried ignoring him? When he asks why you're not responding you need to tell him that you're bored of everything being about HIM! Or a good response to any question he has for you is to reply 'I'm fine by the way, but thanks for asking ' Failing that, just get up and leave the room without answering. Only tell him why you've left when he finally can be bothered to ask after you. After a while he will get the message.

What's wrong with getting right up close and shouting 'shut the fuck up' ?

I'm not even joking.

He needs telling.

He’d have been under the patio years ago. Have you actually sat him down to tell him it’s too much/he has main character syndrome? I’d honestly want to kill him.

Stop answering his calls-you were busy/working/had your phone on silent. He shouldn’t be calling when driving.