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Original poster

You do not have to be rich to have a breakdown

159 replies

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 17:38

I heard this recently - you have to be rich to have a breakdown. Meaning that those who are not wealthy have to 'just get on with it.' They can't have a mental breakdown as they have to work etc.

I really disagree with this. I had a serious mental breakdown and I can assure people that psychiatric hospitals are not full of wealthy people. I think this narrative is really dangerous as it makes people think they 'don't have time' to look after their mental health and the trouble is this then means a serious breakdown is more likely and at that point it is really not a choice. When you get sectioned you don't get a choice as to if you 'want' to have a breakdown or not as you need to work.

I think this also disproportionately affects women as there is the added narrative that you have to 'just get on with it' with the home and children. The truth is there are many mothers in hospital like I was.

I encourage people to choose to look after their mental health as otherwise you may end up being forced to look after it. Obviously, I'm not saying that you can always prevent these things but early intervention seems to have better outcomes.

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UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:57

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:38

Lexibletheflexible · 04/07/2026 22:25

I think ignoring the reality that poorer women are more likely to be judged by authority figures is ignoring the truth.

There are some people who I'd advise to do anything but seek help from anyone "official" and send them to charities or agencies that I know will understand why that would really have to be a last resort for them due to systemic prejudice.

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Oh no, I definitely agree with you on that, I've seen it first hand. But I also have met many, many poor women in hospital and there are diverse experiences. I think it is about finding that balance between the risk of asking for help vs the risk of not asking for help. I would say the majority of women needing longer hospitalisation lost their children but not all. However, those needing a short stay/home treatment it was more varied. Obviously it depends on what support the woman had too.

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BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 22:36

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:27

I respectfully disagree. It certainly isn't used in that way by any of the health professionals here. Myself and many others have been crying every day or having panic attacks and that really is not what is meant by a mental breakdown. Gosh, I'd be having a mental breakdown every 5 minutes if that was the case. But that is the point to seek help and not just 'push through' so you can prevent a mental breakdown. I think downplaying what it is to have an actual mental breakdown is really unfair in so many ways. This is why mental health is not taken seriously by so many.

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Write the full agreed definition of what a mental breakdown is, according to mental health professionals in the UK. Or even post a link.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:30

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 04/07/2026 21:59

Honestly, I found primary care mental health services largely useless except for getting me seeing that counsellor quickly, but they was only after a fight that I wasn't really up to having - I was initially told to try mindfulness, which was not an appropriate response to my situation.

My work was great - my manager had actually had a breakdown about 20 years earlier and was very supportive. Work itself was contributing to the stress but wasn't the main issue. I didn't even think of asking for time off, left to myself I'd have carried on until I couldn't anymore. I couldn't see any options except just keep going.

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I think when you are mentally unwell you often can't see the wood for the trees. It is good your manager had that insight. I think once you've been through it you know how quickly it can go from just coping to not coping atall without a chance to catch it.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:27

BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 21:57

There is no actual definition of what a mental breakdown is. It’s just a short hand way of saying the person is really suffering and finding it difficult to function (not that they aren’t able to at all). It could mean a person is crying everyday, having panic attacks etc

I respectfully disagree. It certainly isn't used in that way by any of the health professionals here. Myself and many others have been crying every day or having panic attacks and that really is not what is meant by a mental breakdown. Gosh, I'd be having a mental breakdown every 5 minutes if that was the case. But that is the point to seek help and not just 'push through' so you can prevent a mental breakdown. I think downplaying what it is to have an actual mental breakdown is really unfair in so many ways. This is why mental health is not taken seriously by so many.

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Lexibletheflexible · 04/07/2026 22:25

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 20:26

I mean that's an exaggeration. In that many do seek help and indeed if you seek help earlier you are less likely to lose those things. As I said I think telling poor women they 'can't' seek help as they will lose all those things then means many don't and some will go on to have a mental breakdown and then be more likely to lose those things. Myself I lost my job but not my kids or my home, fortunately. I appreciate the risk of that is greater for some people.

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I think ignoring the reality that poorer women are more likely to be judged by authority figures is ignoring the truth.

There are some people who I'd advise to do anything but seek help from anyone "official" and send them to charities or agencies that I know will understand why that would really have to be a last resort for them due to systemic prejudice.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:17

Pistachiocake · 04/07/2026 21:50

Not just about being rich-sometimes some people have everyone in their life ill at once, and no one to help, so they can't go for counselling/take time to relax etc.
Some get frustrated when well-meaning coworkers say you should take a week off/go to a spa/get therapy when you lose a parent, because you just don't have anyone else to do the caring roles and can't take time out for counselling/to relax/can't risk being without your wage.
I guess being rich means you would have staff to do this, so you can take your time, and you wouldn't need to worry about being off work to look after your health.

I get what you mean but I think it's about knowing where to draw the line. So yes taking a week off or going to a spa is a bit silly. But what if by not seeking support you end up having a mental breakdown and then there is noone to do the caring role or earn a wage for an extended time? I think that is the point it becomes dangerous.

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BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 22:13

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:09

BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 21:35

No, I don’t think they would take that from reading my posts.

It is actually your posts that say that if you are functioning, in anyway, then you can’t be that unwell, not mine.

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I'm not sure why you want to be in some competition as to who is more unwell. I find it very strange and very unhealthy. For what it is worth I'm sure you are unwell but you don't need anyone's validation. I'd like to draw a line under this as I don't think it is doing you any good. I hope you seek the support that you need.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 22:03

midJulytarget · 04/07/2026 21:28

"it is possible for some people to carry on and appear functioning despite being severely unwell"

This is so true.

Depending on your responsibilities and support (lack thereof) it's incredible what you can push through. Regardless of whether it would be healthier not to.

Of course there's a point where hospitalisation might be unavoidable. But many women are in deep distress and pushing through, feeling there's no choice.

I've seen a thread on here where a huge number of people said they wouldn't mind the opportunity to be in prison or hospital for a while, just to get a break.

Personally I've dealt with many things that, if you'd told me pre-dc, I'd have said no way could I cope with that, I'd go under.

But hospital could be very avoidable if women didn't feel the need to push through regardless of if it would be healthier not to. I never thought it would happen to me...but mental illness can happen to anyone no matter how strong you think you are or how many things you have coped with.

And honestly, I wouldn't mind going to a general hospital for a break on a nice quiet ward. But not sure how many would enjoy their break in a psychiatric ward...especially when they find they can't leave and go home to their children.

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EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 04/07/2026 21:59

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 20:32

I'm sorry to hear you had to stop your degree. I'm glad you managed to get help and work were supportive. Those 6 week therapy courses are so short. I don't know if you know but there are different levels you can move up (depending what level you started on). You could therefore get further therapy by moving up - although you will have to wait again and get a different therapist so not necessarily a suitable option, but just thought I'd mention it.

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Honestly, I found primary care mental health services largely useless except for getting me seeing that counsellor quickly, but they was only after a fight that I wasn't really up to having - I was initially told to try mindfulness, which was not an appropriate response to my situation.

My work was great - my manager had actually had a breakdown about 20 years earlier and was very supportive. Work itself was contributing to the stress but wasn't the main issue. I didn't even think of asking for time off, left to myself I'd have carried on until I couldn't anymore. I couldn't see any options except just keep going.

BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 21:57

There is no actual definition of what a mental breakdown is. It’s just a short hand way of saying the person is really suffering and finding it difficult to function (not that they aren’t able to at all). It could mean a person is crying everyday, having panic attacks etc

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:52

JJkate · 04/07/2026 21:25

Thank you for the explanations. So it is not being able to get out of bed or crying uncontrollably or being in a catatonic coma? I saw a few people mentioned schizophrenia and bipolar episodes but I would see those as in their own category? Have I understood correctly?

So a mental breakdown refers to not being able to function atall but the diagnosis as to what has caused it can be many things - it could be severe trauma or depression but also could be schizophrenia or bipolar. The breakdown is the symptom and the cause could be a range of things.

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Pistachiocake · 04/07/2026 21:50

Not just about being rich-sometimes some people have everyone in their life ill at once, and no one to help, so they can't go for counselling/take time to relax etc.
Some get frustrated when well-meaning coworkers say you should take a week off/go to a spa/get therapy when you lose a parent, because you just don't have anyone else to do the caring roles and can't take time out for counselling/to relax/can't risk being without your wage.
I guess being rich means you would have staff to do this, so you can take your time, and you wouldn't need to worry about being off work to look after your health.

JoyousOpalLemur · 04/07/2026 21:39

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BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 21:35

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:26

Women and particularly mums do feel pressure 'to get on with it'. Someone reading your posts about being severely unwell and only appearing to be functioning but just getting on with it anyway may indeed feel they should do that too. But ultimately, where is your line at which it is ok to ask for help? Because if someone has had a mental breakdown and is not functioning atall at a certain point they won't be appearing to function anymore. When the children haven't been turning up for school, when the person is severely malnourished, when they are psychotic, when they have completed suicide. It is a dangerous path to walk. I hope you have some support in your life and for any children you may have. I do really worry for you and wish you well.

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No, I don’t think they would take that from reading my posts.

It is actually your posts that say that if you are functioning, in anyway, then you can’t be that unwell, not mine.

midJulytarget · 04/07/2026 21:28

"it is possible for some people to carry on and appear functioning despite being severely unwell"

This is so true.

Depending on your responsibilities and support (lack thereof) it's incredible what you can push through. Regardless of whether it would be healthier not to.

Of course there's a point where hospitalisation might be unavoidable. But many women are in deep distress and pushing through, feeling there's no choice.

I've seen a thread on here where a huge number of people said they wouldn't mind the opportunity to be in prison or hospital for a while, just to get a break.

Personally I've dealt with many things that, if you'd told me pre-dc, I'd have said no way could I cope with that, I'd go under.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:26

BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 21:16

No one is encouraging anyone to do that. I’m just stating that it is possible for some people to carry on and appear functioning despite being severely unwell.

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Women and particularly mums do feel pressure 'to get on with it'. Someone reading your posts about being severely unwell and only appearing to be functioning but just getting on with it anyway may indeed feel they should do that too. But ultimately, where is your line at which it is ok to ask for help? Because if someone has had a mental breakdown and is not functioning atall at a certain point they won't be appearing to function anymore. When the children haven't been turning up for school, when the person is severely malnourished, when they are psychotic, when they have completed suicide. It is a dangerous path to walk. I hope you have some support in your life and for any children you may have. I do really worry for you and wish you well.

OP posts:
JJkate · 04/07/2026 21:25

Thank you for the explanations. So it is not being able to get out of bed or crying uncontrollably or being in a catatonic coma? I saw a few people mentioned schizophrenia and bipolar episodes but I would see those as in their own category? Have I understood correctly?

BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 21:16

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:13

The point is you risk losing everything by doing that. That is your choice. But I don't think people should be encouraged to do that. It's irresponsible.

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No one is encouraging anyone to do that. I’m just stating that it is possible for some people to carry on and appear functioning despite being severely unwell.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:14

Octavia64 · 04/07/2026 20:32

I’ve seen people post this on Mumsnet threads.

usually ones about how people with anxiety should just get on with it.

i had a breakdown and it came with seizures, loss of memory, and a sort of catatonic coma. If my kids weren’t at uni someone would have had to deal with them because I had no connection to reality at all.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing better now?

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:13

BeigeCardigan · 04/07/2026 20:27

I have bipolar disorder and have pushed through many severe episodes.

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The point is you risk losing everything by doing that. That is your choice. But I don't think people should be encouraged to do that. It's irresponsible.

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Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:10

BringBackCatsEyes · 04/07/2026 20:22

There’s a limit to how much someone can mask eg severe major depression or bipolar disorder. At some point it will all come crashing down. You can’t “I’m fine” or “power through” bipolar disorder.

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Yes, and that is the case with all serious mental illness which is why this narrative is so harmful. Some people with more moderate mental illness might be able to manage but others are risking severe outcomes. Early intervention leads to better outcomes. And I do think it is disrespectful to people with serious mental illness to suggest they should have 'just got on with it' rather than 'choosing' to have a mental health crisis.

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Weeellokthen · 04/07/2026 21:06

UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 17:59

It was on another Internet forum.

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Fb perchance 😂

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 04/07/2026 21:02

JabbaTheBeachHut · 04/07/2026 20:25

I assumed it was a discussion forum that you found the thread on, so thought you would have discussed your POV that’s all.

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It was a long thread and the discussion had moved on and also it was a side point to the main discussion. I was also just lurking on the thread!

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