Trans widow and feel so much pain for her

Myriam Webster dictionary defines gender as:

• the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex

• Among those who study gender and sexuality, a clear delineation between sexand gender is typically prescribed, with sex as the preferred term for biological forms, and gender limited to its meanings involving behavioral, cultural, and psychological traits. In this dichotomy, the terms male and female relate only to biological forms (sex), while the terms masculine/masculinity, feminine/femininity, woman/girl, and man/boy relate only to psychological and sociocultural traits (gender).

I’m not sure you quite understand the meaning of the word ‘definition’.

Gender is a social construct - what is a social construct?

it is a spectrum of diversity - where does this spectrum begin and end and what does the ‘diversity’ refer to?

gender is not confined to a binary of male and female - what is it confined by then? Everything has to have some framework, definition or boundaries as part of its definition otherwise it is just word salad.

gender is cultural and psychological of ones individual experience of gender influencing how a person perceive themselves and interact with society.

Eh? That is a circular definition. Can you give examples please?

The above is not a definition. I am no clearer on the meaning of ‘gender’ than before.

Please can you provide a succinct definition.

I think the children should call their dad whatever they feel comfortable with. Sorry didn't see their age? I don't think I'd like a name being imposed either way.

You’re lucky then.

Many girls haven’t been. I have seen this with my own eyes and it was observed and commented on by staff at the Tavistock gender clinic.

There was a ‘joke’ that there would be no lesbians left and it was also observed that some families displayed homophobia towards likely gay children and some were more keen on the idea of ‘transition’ than the kids themselves.

That’s great that you may not have been indoctrinated by trans activists in that specific way but please don’t deny the experiences of many who are not so lucky.

You keep believing bogus news articles that are set out to fear-monger the masses.

What bogus news articles are you talking about?

Also, why would a man want to be as opressed as women under the patriarchy as a choice? Trans people women then become a target of the patriarchy that you are holding up with these views.

The thing is, everyone really knows that ‘transwomen’ are not really women and they don’t treat them like women- we see that demonstrated daily by the eagerness of those in positions of authority to satisfy their demands, even to the detriment of women, children and disabled people.

Men who identify as women are exercising ultimate power by defining us as a figment of their imagination, to be put on at will like a costume. These men are not oppressed by the patriarchy - they ARE the patriarchy.

Gender is a social construct it is a spectrum of diversity, gender is not confined to a binary of male and female, gender is cultural and psychological of ones individual experience of gender influencing how a person perceive themselves and interact with society.

I feel very sorry for Jess, she and the children should not have to be complicit in this gaslighting. How heartbreaking for her to learn that her husband was living a lie.

Yes. And many transwidows report that far from getting sympathy from friends and family, the manipulative and deceptive husband would often gain the support and sympathy and the wife would be criticised or even ostracised for struggling with him blowing up her life and those of their children.

Many of the stories on the transwidows website are quite horrific and heartbreaking. I have seen the devastation wreaked on a family I know. Thankfully she had a bit of support around her.

I am a lesbian autistic woman who has C-PTSD, I have been to therapy and seen many therapists during my life as a child and now as an adult not once has a professional used my trauma as a way to tell me I'm a "boy".

You keep believing bogus news articles that are set out to fear-monger the masses.

Also, why would a man want to be as opressed as women under the patriarchy as a choice? Trans people women then become a target of the patriarchy that you are holding up with these views.

For that you’ll need to define ‘gender’.

No stereotypes, no circular definitions please.

both Intersex and DSDs exist and overlap

Nope. Intersex was used in the past but people with Differences of Sexual Development which is a medical condition that creates abnormalities in male and female people felt that ‘intersex’ was misleading and othering. It is misleading in the same way ‘hermaphrodite’ implies that someone is both male and female. This is not the case, people with DSDs are either male with abnormalities for their sex or female with abnormalities.

As for the homophobia if you read through this thread you will see people going on how the children in this situation will have to call their now trans mother 'mum', and going on how this is bad for the "kids" having two mothers, this to me sounds both homophobic and tansphobic.

Criticising a man making his kids call him ‘mum’ is not homophobic.

If criticising a father making his kids call him ‘mum’ and be asking up their family in a devastating way is ‘transphobic’, well so be it. 🤷‍♀️

And my institutions comment, I'm going to ask you a question, if you don't like trans people or anyone who doesn't fit your ideal way of living as you are part of a large group on here... what do you want?

We want men to stop pushing their way into women’s spaces and demanding that their kids call them ‘mum’.

We want young traumatised or lesbian or autistic girls not to be told that the root of their distress with their body is that they are really a boy and for all young people not to have their health and fertility ruined before they are old enough to understand what they are losing.

There’s quite a further long list but that will do for starters.

Like many PPs, I too am a widow. I have no problem with the use of the term “transwidow”.

Transwidow is a figure of speech.

Everyone knows that transwidows are not actually widows just like everyone knows that so called ‘transwomen’ are not actually women.

Transwidows are the women that have been dragged through hell by their husbands who develop a late onset sexual obsession with the idea of themselves as women. I think we should allow them to name themselves and their unique and often abusive experiences without criticism.

‘Transwomen’ are men who mistakenly think they know how it feels to be a woman.

Do you have a link to Supreme Court judgement about this? I've not heard about it (unless you're referring to FWS)

A daughter going through puberty seems like a commonly reported trigger for these men.

I remember the audience laughing approvingly when Bruce/Caitlin Jenner told an ‘hilarious’ story about him stealing and wearing his young teenage daughter’s underwear. It seemed like they’d all lost their minds.

If he’d told that story while not wearing a dress and calling himself Caitlin, I think it would have been tumbleweed

The insane women on here who live in their transphobic echo chamber under the false guise of ‘feminism’ won’t like that but yes you are correct.

Nasty women who thankfully make up a very small portion of the population no matter what they think!

Wow, don’t hold back will you!

Unfortunately for you, the men who have reported on the feelings of attraction to the idea of themselves as a woman they experience prove you wrong.

It’s not insane to know that people can’t change sex,
It’s not insane to know that children and vulnerable adults are being harmed by this ideology.
It’s not insane to say that so called ‘gender identity’ is based on a term coined by a man who carried out horrific and abusive experiments on children that culminated in the suicide of the two brothers he sexually abused. It is not a defined concept and has been weaponised to decimate women’s rights and harm children throughout the Western world.

I’d say that ‘insanity’ is demonstrated by the people that refuse to accept reality and insist that ‘gender identity’ is more important than sex when that is quite clearly 100% scotch mist.

I’d say that nasty is personified by the people who advocate for lying husbands to make their kids call them ‘mum’, male rapists and paedophiles in women’s prisons with mother and baby units, men in women’s sports and men in women’s spaces and the changing rooms of teenage girls.

Odd for people to get so hung up on the term 'trans widow'. The point is that this man has become self-obsessed as well as obsessed with a fantasy about himself that typically has sexual overtones, and expects both Jess and their child to play along to it.

So yes it's a different kind of pain from losing someone to death. But it's still bad, especially as the man has turned coercive. Confusing children about the immutability of sex messes with their social learning and is potentially dangerous if it throws off their 'creep detector'.

Poor Jess. Grey rock Steve, try to support her.

My friend told me it was worse for her cos her ex was still alive than it was for me because my DH was dead. Different but worse, absolutely not.

In Jess' case she's mourning the loss of her husband as was, I get that, but her husband isn't dead, he's different. As a person widowed young with young kids, I take umbridge ref the use of the term widow.

However, Jess has significant adjustments to make - it won't always be easy. Her DH had been living a lie. The decit of behaviours like this are really what gets me. I couldn't be jointly doing the transition with someone who lied to me about who they are. I take my hat off to Jess.

Agree.

Be interesting to see,once they are separated, how much interest and effort Steve maintains in the children. I hope they aren't dropped in his self centredness and new life.

Well as Steve is now a woman, he will be judged as any woman who abandons their children for selfish pursuits ?

Steve wasn't living a lie, Steve has changed.

My values are a lot different in my 40s than my 20s and so I think its quite possible Steve was Steve and now isn't.

I get the grief. But just as Steve is moving out of the husband role and into a new life, it's quite possible that Steve's interests and friends will change too over time.

Its OK for your DH to trynand support Steve but realise that he no longer has enough common ground to sustain a friendship.

I wouldn't overthink how that might make you feel perceived (like as a bad friend or unsupportive) because maybe the.friendship will ride it out and maybe it won't. Just go with the flow and accept that you're all allowed to feel how you feel.

No one has to stay friends with someone they don't have anything in common with and don't enjoy being with anymore. Just as if they'd grown apart. Your husband doesn't have to stay friends just out of guilt - it's been years already, Steve isn't someone your husband wants you be mates with and hasn't been for some time. Just phase him out. Now him and Jess have split up that should be easier to do.

Really shit situation for Jess and the kids. I'm sorry any woman ever has to go go through this. I agree with others that it's emotionally abusive to lie to them and pretend he is a mother.

Be interesting to see,once they are separated, how much interest and effort Steve maintains in the children. I hope they aren't dropped in his self centredness and new life.

I reckon he is dumping all the child care and everything on her

Its not the actual death but I would imagine the feeling of loss is final and irreversible. You lost the person you loved, they are not coming back. Whoever is left in their place is not them. There is no future together.

No.
I assume you have never informed your young children their father has died and watched their world split apart and known you are breaking their childhood? There is now only before and after.

Watched your children with their father’s coffin, speak at his funeral and struggle to accept that they will never ever see him again?
Never one more conversation, never another interaction forever and ever.
Sat with them in the middle of the night while they cry and beg that it’s not true and please just let their daddy come back?
Seen their faces deeply drawn and exhausted with horrific, boring, never ending, isolating grief?

Nothing is like death.

Nothing is like taking children to visit their dad and it meaning standing at a shitty grave.
Death means no reconciliation can be made, no second chances, and nothing can be done to make the world the right way round again.

I understand and applaud that you are defending the women and children that are living the nightmare of losing the person who was their partner and father.
The situation is awful and I see all the issues the family will face and have nothing but compassion for them.
There are things that are unique to this situation and I have nothing but sympathy for Jess. The children calling this person mummy etc is just awful. I hope the family have very good friends and access to serious support.

I personally understand the trans widow label and have no issue with it.
But as long as there is life and a future, no, please do not say it is worse than actual death.

Why the focus is on Jess and not on someone who, allegedly, knew he is a woman but who chose to lie and pretend he is a man - to the extent of fathering children and convincing everyone around him? Men are allowed to be single, allowed to be gay, allowed to be asexual if the wish. There is little pressure form society for a man to marry and have children - if fact, there are many guys who never marry. So why Steve chose to use someone like this? I will tell you. Steve is not a "woman" - Steve is a guy with AGP who chosen to blow up his family because of his fetish. Simples. Before, he was getting his kicks in private, it was enough. Now, its not enough, he needs to "transition". He does not care about his family. Why is it his wife's fault that she is traumatised?

BTW - he would never "ask to be transitioned as a child" because AGP is a sex fetish. Children generally don't participate.

She is a window because her Steve no longer exists. Her Steve was a fiction.