Trans widow and feel so much pain for her

Surely all all you can reasonably do is support Jess and the kids as best you can? Am afraid I would have zero sympathy for the cosplaying male.

No you’re doing the policing. And you’re derailing the thread. If it offends you maybe scroll on rather than stopping the OP getting some advice and support.

I know someone well.whose father did this when she was a teenager about 20 years ago .She is the wife of my sons best friend if that akes sensë and they were childhood sweethearts probably fortunately so she has had her DHs support through all the stages . They all went to school together So I have known her from childhood . I can"t offer any wisdom but just empathise . The ramifications go on for.years. All I can say is support your friend and her children as much as possible.

For whatever reason I seem to have experienced an abnormal number of transitioning relationships over the years. My DM's not stepson came out in the 1980s, but never went beyond dumping DM with two suitcases full of unsuitably prostitutish lingerie. Another one I recounted above. there are tensions. And my only DS had a very intense love relationship with a WtM in mid-shift.

I have sort of stopped judging.

@Hotandbitheredyou might find it helpful to watch the series Transparent on Amazon. It’s about a parent that comes out as trans late in life with adult children. It isn’t some simplistic woke or anti trans agenda, it shows how all their lives are disrupted (even if the lead is liberated by it) and forces them all to confront a lot of buried resentments. Yes the lead is liberated, but there is massive disruption to everyone’s lives. It also explores selfishness and entitlement, and a complete lack of awareness of the impact that self-absorption can have on others. It’s sensitive to the internal struggle of the lead but not their behaviour. Inherited trauma going back to persecution of LGBTQ people in Berlin in WW2. Gender and sexuality as fluid, but that fluidity not always being empowering but messy and destabilising. There’s so much to it and I think it could validate what you are your friend are going through xx

I would find it harder because I would think that our entire relationship had been a lie not just the most recent time. I would question if he ever had feelings for me.

I also think that there’s a societal pressure to feel that people like Steve are being stunningly brave. So you have to navigate that on top of losing your husband. Plus the confusion of your husband now being a woman for your children.

So no I don’t think it’s the same, at least it wouldn’t be for me.

An AP is totally not the same. For 22 yrs she has believed she was with a man who loved her as man and woman. 22 yrs of life gone and wondering if there was any truth at all, therefore her whole life is a lie - can you not imagine how destroyed you would feel?
It is 100% not the same as an affair, when your partener remains a man and falls for someone else!
We have a friend who married for yrs , had several kids and whose husband then decided he was gay, left the family home and blew up his wife & kids lives with the role and lifestyle he now wanted to lead. If uou DARED to question /speak to him you were told you were homphobic and that he deserved to live his real life !
What sort of life did his wife deserve?

Everyone should be allowed their true life BUT you should NOT blow everyone else's to smithereens to achieve yours!

You really don’t give a crap about anyone but the man so you?

Being a parent means you put your kids first. You sacrifice for your kids. That’s what being a parent means.

when the adult is a victim the child becomes a victim. Steve decided to believe he was the victim, and in putting his ‘victimhood’ first he made his kids the victim.

Unforgiveable behaviour.

He’s not special because he is ‘trans’, no matter how much he or you want to believe he is.

He’s just another bog standard selfish bastard man who put his life before his kids. He’s no different fron a man who abandons his kids for his mistress or a bachelor lifestyle or whatever else he decides is more important than being a Dad. To him, his playing at womanhood is more important than being a father to his children, and he’s prepared to fuck them up to live his ‘dream’.

Shameless.

@CatesandAle

if Steve had been a gender confused child, everyone on here would have wanted him to get counselling. If Steve had not desisted at 18, we’d have been fine with it if he wanted to crack on - he’s an adult, provided he doesn’t use female only spaces, it’s all good - live your life as a transwoman. It’s not the case that not transitioning as a child means you have to have four children and then force them to call you mummy!

That's not "debunking". Anyway, there are in fact plenty of trans women posting clear autogynapheliac content on social media.

My relative's in-law identifies as female and is feminised in appearance, but socially is all Aussi bloke. Clever, thoughtful, witty and generally a good companion, but still masquerading. And apparently still with male genitalia so capable of fathering children.

1. He thinks he is a transgender woman.
2. He did not inform his wife of this, hence, he was living a lie.

I am not sure why this is difficult to understand.

The insane women on here who live in their transphobic echo chamber under the false guise of ‘feminism’ won’t like that but yes you are correct. They will unfortunately claim that the evidence you have provided has been paid for or used to support these sexual deviants 😂😂😂
they are hilarious to read and engage with honestly. Nasty women who thankfully make up a very small portion of the population no matter what they think!

All you can do is support your husband and your friend through their grief really. It's unlikely your husband's friendship will survive, my partner had a good friend who became/ came out as trans, the friendship did not survive as all the friend was bothered about was maintaining friendships with women and going shopping, dressing up, having their hair done. As if that's all women do.
They were totally obsessed with the transition and could no longer be an actual friend to anyone. The male friends got dropped immediately.

"Actual" studies on a crossdressing website...

OK, so if AGP has been debunked what do you say to the people who transitioned and state that they have AGP?

Why is stating a trans identity valid, but stating an AGP identity not valid?

No. He is a heterosexual man. The lie will be him pretending that he is a woman.

You know it makes sense, but pretend that it doesn't.

But it's incorrect, MTW (man to woman) is more appropriate, these people can not change their biological sex/dna and this is where the delusion needs to stop.

I'm fine with people identifying whatever they want, as long as it does no harm to others but saying you are the opposite to the one you were born into is plain wrong and harmful, not only to others but to themselves. My niece's ex tells everyone he is now female yet he has fathered 4 children. Now if he wants to dress in the clothes society has seemed more female than male that's up to him but he is still male and he can not change that no matter what he says, what he does (ie surgery) or whatever terminology he so choses. The hard truth is he was born with male DNA and fully working male sexual organs, unless of course his two previous wives had immaculate conceptions.

AGP, has been debunked as complete nonsense pseudo-science...

Here are some ACTUAL up-to-date real scientific studies debunking this myth...
https://www.crossdreamers.com/2020/05/the-autogynephilia-theory-debunked-by.html?m=1

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/339738869_Sexual_Behavior_Desire_and_Psychosexual_Experience_in_Gynephilic_and_Androphilic_Trans_Women_A_Cross-Sectional_Multicenter_Study

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343552498_Autogynephilia_A_scientific_review_feminist_analysis_and_alternative_'embodiment_fantasies'_model

For the love of all that is real, people please read you are lacking critical thinking and empathy.

Bisexual male-to-females are believed to be pseudo-bisexual, as in their bisexuality is due to the fantasy of being seen as a woman by the man they are having sex with.

Pseudo-bisexuality is very much a thing with AGP.

Read the research by Dr Ray Blanchard, it explains everything!

I have a friend of mine who can levitate for 12 minutes in one go - she literally is flying.

You don't know her so you can't say that's a lie.

And you to yours.

There are two types of 'trans women'.

The ones who were put on puberty blockers and are less manly in most areas but are usually about 6 foot 5 (a side effect of puberty blockers for males).

The ones who weren't.

In both cases it's immediately obvious 99.9% of the time that they are male.

sigh. It’s not policing you to point out that you are policing.

totally circular thinking.

I'm a widow, and I support the use of the terms trans widow because Steve isn't there anymore. He's a new person. On a practical note as he is still alive Jess should focus on taking him to the cleaners. He has deceived her. She must be devastated. OP you should concentrate on supporting Jess.