AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

My in-laws were like that. Never leaving the house other than to go to Sainsburys for the weekly shop and never having any visitors other than us. They seemed pretty happy with their life so we left them to it. Unfortunately, 5 years ago, my MIL died and now FIL just sits alone in a big old empty house. Because they never did anything for so many years they forgot how to socialise and how to do things, and pretty much how to exist in the outside world, and now FIL is on his own, he just can't do anything at all. He can't cope if we visit for more than an hour or so, won't have anyone else there, can't drive any more, and won't leave the house even with one of the family (we now do online shopping for him). It's sad and he's incredibly lonely and despite not really needing to, he's now asked if he can go into a care home.
Obviously, it's entirely up to your parents what they do with their lives, but if they cut off all ties to the outside world, it becomes very lonely, overwhelming, and frightening when one of them is left on their own.

I reckon that the saying "comparison is the thief of joy" doesn't only apply to comparing one's own life with others. It strikes me that the OP might be less worried 1. If her husband didn't bang on about it and 2. If her inlaws weren't living such a different life, not that I am suggesting that they shouldn't.

I'm 57 and feel pretty much broken in terms of energy. It's all I can do to keep daily life going and get dinner on the table. Give me another ten years and I'll probably be at home all the time. My parents used to irritate me by not doing more stuff with their grandchildren, but I get it now.

Yes, maybe you are right.

I apologise OP.
But I think your parents are probably well and happy, and winding down from a lifetime of work and stress.
I don't think you need to take much notice of the comments referring to eg. dementia, overspending, incontinence worries, given you describe them as able to do so many things, including take care of small children for whole days, garden, dog walk, socialise with friends, and they have a history of managing their financial affairs.
My own dcs find it very hard to accept that we are late 60s and no longer want to eg. fly often (I really think unnecessary airflight should be rationed, it's doing the planet no good at all). They also compare us to inlaws who fly off half a dozen times a year for holidays.
Personally, having lost healthy friends in their 40s and 50s to aggressive cancers and RTAs, I think we are lucky to have got so far with nothing more than the usual aging and the label of having become 'boring.'

I think what I mind about this thread (not angry but I am allowed to voice an opinion no?) is the judgementalism of it.
"I can’t help but feel they are wasting the last healthy years of their life."

"If me or DH hint at asking if they’re planning to go away or have anything planned they get all funny and defensive."

Or use their dog as an excuse for not being able to go out.

and the immediate catastrophisation
"maybe they are ill and can't tell you"
"maybe they are broke"
"get them checked for dementia" (what? without their permission or agreement?"

then the OP actually admits that they do do things.....just not as much as she thinks they should.

can't speak for Unique Pink Swan but I spent most of it in the garden The growth is getting out of hand,so I had a shedload of cutting back and deadheading to do. I had about 50 trees and shrubs that I am growing on that needed repotting, prep for the upcoming hose ban, the lawn to mow and my (small) forest edge area to strim.

and i said "could" too...... so maybe I am not the one who needs to learn to read.

@UniquePinkSwan

what do you do when at home? I would get so bored not going out for a full weekend

learn to read - i said could - that leaves the option with the person who knows them as to whether its appropriate and in what way they might want to phrase any question - and lots of parents are never going to want to start that kind of conversation with their kids so its a valid point and its not nosy to be worried about your own parents so why are you being so bitchy?

and i think you are being a bitch, thats a huge leap to make, and says a lot about you. don't you think its more likely she's worried about her mum and dad?

Well on the one hand it's different strokes for different folks isnt it? And even the extrovert 'busy' people often enjoy a slower pace of life in retirement.

However, in the OP'S case it is a change to their behaviour, and in her shoes I would be curious at least about what has prompted it.

DH and I are in our 70s. Neither of us wants to go abroad again, flying is no pleasure any more and we don't fancy cruises, having had a couple. We're lucky enough to be fit and active and have just adopted an 8 year old dog. DH plays golf and is happy at home. I do yoga. We both drive, although not long distances any longer. I often meet up with friends for a few nights away in the UK and that's enough for me. We're both active in our village community and perfectly happy as we are.

Going out can be an absolute pain logistically, and it costs a small mortgage anywhere. I'd leave them to their lives at home.

My parents do less, but not nothing. I do talk to them about it and they've said doing things is harder now, it seems more stressful, driving is harder, my dad got mugged in Barcelona is less confident now. Whenever they drive somewhere it seems more of a palava and they don't like driving at night.
However, they do a lot locally and see friends regularly. They just have less holidays and big trips.
So I think it is normal to an extent. It always makes dh and I say we must keep doing more and staying fit and healthy so that we keep the phase of holidays, trips, adventures going a bit longer than they have! Equally, if everyone is happy, does it really matter.

Goodness, you've really touched an anger spigot in the stay-at-home folks.

The point is that this is a change. The OP's parents didn't used to be this way, which is different to people who have always been homebodies. And, yes, that would concern me in her position.

A lot of you seem to really dislike your own adult children, by the way, and interpret concern as having really unpleasant motives.

I hope you're not such a know it all little madam as you sound.

Today I have:
Weeded all the avens out of the garden because their seeds are horribly spiky.
Picked the raspberries
Set up a hedgehog feeding station. Taken it apart to show neighbours' lovely kids how it works. Set it up again.
Roasted a chicken and baked a chocolate cake.
Walked the dog.
Finished reading The Summer Book (Tove Jansson). Begun rereading All The Light We Cannot See (which is fantastic).
Watered plants with washing up water
Watered neighbour-on-holiday's garden
Finished the editing I didn't get done for work last week (2 hours)
Caught up with Wimbledon a bit
Witnessed this blethering thread

It's be an entertaining, profitable, introvert's day, all within half a mile of my house.

Oh for goodness sake. 🙄 So now older people who enjoy staying at home, are 'Little Englanders?' and bigoted Brexiters! WTAF! I've heard it all now. I'm not engaging with you again. What a horrible, snide, ludicrous post.

Do you really think that people who enjoy staying at home now have never left the country?! 😂 Most people like this have travelled extensively and done LOADS, and now just want peace and quiet and to just chill out!

.

Are you aware this is a discussion forum?
OP is asking if they should be worried, I would say yes.
People in this thread are gleefully saying they won't ever leave their house past 5 pm and will never leave the country again. I would be extremely worried if someone never wanted to leave Brexit Little England again and would assume they have quietly checked out of life.

😘

Aww, I luv U too. 😘

yup, yours is the long version 😀 which I totally agree with.

Zov I think I love you

you do you. I prefer to cut down trees, hump bags of compost and shift full 30l garden tubs around.

None of your business though is it? Why are you so bothered about other people?