AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

It seems to be very, very, very, very hard for adult children to realise that there was a fully functioning revolving planet before they were born. It didn't just start when they arrived on the scene. And even worse, their parents were on it, not missing them in the least. They had lives. They put those lives on hold for flipping decades, working as hard as they could to rear the beloved new appearances into a state of happy independence.

And what happens? Happy independence? No. Constant chewing at the apron strings. 'Tie them back on again, Mummy, else I'll assume you either don't love me any more or have an embarrassing health condition such as incontinence or senile decay. (And by the way, I've bought 2 toddler car seats to fit in your car, how can you possibly not be thrilled?)

Please grow up, you reluctantly adult beloved ones. Please enjoy your spin on the planet without whatsapping your parents at every turn. Please learn to take huge ginormous hints, like 'I have to go shopping on Thursdays' (which translates as 'give me a day off from your kids').
Please develop a sense of humour, get on with your lives and GROW UP

Too hot to sit outside at mine, even in the shade. later though i will go out and watch the bats.

This. I'd much rather be sat in my beautiful garden.😁

Exactly. Why is there so much desperation from younger people, to force their aged 60+ parents/parents-in-law into living the high life, and travelling and socialising, and doing loads of hobbies and joining big community groups. Fuck that shit. I never did that to MY parents or in-laws. They'd have told me to piss off and mind my own if I had.

For the most part, DH and I are happy in our own company, we enjoy chatting to the neighbours now and again, going on little day trips, having the odd pub lunch, and meeting up with our few friends and adult DC. And we LOVE being in the garden, and bingeing box sets on Netflix and ITVX. (And watching films.)

We have already done all the shit that people are trying to force their older parents into doing. (Socialising, partying, travelling, hobby groups etc,) what's wrong (when you're past 55-60) with just chilling at home, and doing very little, and just enjoying your garden and going for walks around where you live?

It's so tedious and irritating to be badgered and poked at by people who think they know what's best for you. And your own adult children doing it?! WTF? So patronising and in this case - ageist. "Now now mother, let's get you out of this patio chair, and off to the join the Womens Institute, and then we'll get you booked on a long weekend to Ibiza. Live a little!" (Because by 60-odd, most people have done fuck-all.) 🙄

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This. ^ And @IlovedLadybirdbooks the constant goading, bullying, mithering, haranguing, and head-pecking from extroverts who seem to loathe introverts sooooooooo much, yet they want to socialise with them, and drag them around town, force them into social situations and group activities they loathe, and have them hopping from country to country - because 'life's too short!'

The reason a few people seem to be getting a bit annoyed is because we're fucking sick of it.

Stay in your lane. Mind your own business, You do you. And leave other people in peace, including your parents. If they want to spend 80% of their free time at home, pottering around the garden, and the rest of the time walking the dog, and pootling around their village/their area, let them do so, without banging on at them to 'do more!' They have lived 60+ years, they have done enough already. Mind your own business!

The cocktail? Or the elderly golden retriever that won't walk? Or the thing you do standing on one leg?

getting back to the thread, anyone else enjoy a good palely loiter?

Let him. Why shouldn't he, his house, his money and he'd have companionship, and someone always on hand if he unwell or falls etc. Not a bad plan.

'Withering'
That's a good word. You don't hear 'withering' used much these days. 'To wither' seems to have almost withered away, except in those stands outside supermarkets full of mass produced begonias and the like.

The sedge is withered from the lake and no pangolins sing

PangolinFriend how do you manage to persist in your sprightly unwitheredness? Are you a secret member of JoaNiic s private club?

is there a reason why he can't go if he wants to? I mean he wouldn't be alone anymore. It would be my idea of hell but it suits some people wonderfully well. "Needs to" is a bit subjective?

I'm 71, couldn't bear the life your parents are living, but if they're happy the only thing I'd worry about is whether their bodies and minds are withering through an unstimulating routine. That is, are they working out at home (I do, it's entirely possible) as muscles are important at this kind of age, are they reading/learning a language/instrument or otherwise using their brains (use it or lose it maxim). If the answer to both questions is yes, don't worry. If it's no, try to have a quiet but understanding word but don't push it. On the other hand, don't feel you need to step up for the care burden. I am absolutely doing my best to ensure I don't end up being a burden to my daughter and I've told her that if I get dementia she's to find a home and shove me in. To my mind, our generation needs to support yours, not the opposite.

you just broke the first rule of sex club.

I'm 71, couldn't bear the life your parents are living, but if they're happy the only thing I'd worry about is whether their bodies and minds are withering through an unstimulating routine. That is, are they working out at home (I do, it's entirely possible) as muscles are important at this kind of age, are they reading/learning a language/instrument or otherwise using their brains (use it or lose it maxim). If the answer to both questions is yes, don't worry. If it's no, try to have a quiet but understanding word but don't push it. On the other hand, don't feel you need to step up for the care burden. I am absolutely doing my best to ensure I don't end up being a burden to my daughter and I've told her that if I get dementia she's to find a home and shove me in. To my mind, our generation needs to support yours, not the opposite.

Ok then. I’ve realised that we older quiet peeps are going to have to fess up, just to placate all those that are soo concerned about our quietude.

The truth is we are all into Tantra now and are spending everyday practising esoteric sexual methods, with our partners or alone, and tapping into endless orgasmic bliss. It’s preoccupying, and we didn’t want to shock you, so we said we were gardening. There’s a huge network of us and we contact via the ether, obviously some contact other ways too.
we’re sex people.

Will that keep y’all off our backs?
No more nagging ok? Let’s keep this discreet.

This wasn't necessary. You've just destroyed the last refuge of the cloistered and incontinent. Next you will tell them that we only have one dog (named The Dog) that we pass round between us to ward off nuisance catastrophisers.

My in-laws were like that. Never leaving the house other than to go to Sainsburys for the weekly shop and never having any visitors other than us. They seemed pretty happy with their life so we left them to it. Unfortunately, 5 years ago, my MIL died and now FIL just sits alone in a big old empty house. Because they never did anything for so many years they forgot how to socialise and how to do things, and pretty much how to exist in the outside world, and now FIL is on his own, he just can't do anything at all. He can't cope if we visit for more than an hour or so, won't have anyone else there, can't drive any more, and won't leave the house even with one of the family (we now do online shopping for him). It's sad and he's incredibly lonely and despite not really needing to, he's now asked if he can go into a care home.
Obviously, it's entirely up to your parents what they do with their lives, but if they cut off all ties to the outside world, it becomes very lonely, overwhelming, and frightening when one of them is left on their own.

Ok then. I’ve realised that we older quiet peeps are going to have to fess up, just to placate all those that are soo concerned about our quietude.

The truth is we are all into Tantra now and are spending everyday practising esoteric sexual methods, with our partners or alone, and tapping into endless orgasmic bliss. It’s preoccupying, and we didn’t want to shock you, so we said we were gardening. There’s a huge network of us and we contact via the ether, obviously some contact other ways too.
we’re sex people.

Will that keep y’all off our backs?
No more nagging ok? Let’s keep this discreet.

My in-laws were like that. Never leaving the house other than to go to Sainsburys for the weekly shop and never having any visitors other than us. They seemed pretty happy with their life so we left them to it. Unfortunately, 5 years ago, my MIL died and now FIL just sits alone in a big old empty house. Because they never did anything for so many years they forgot how to socialise and how to do things, and pretty much how to exist in the outside world, and now FIL is on his own, he just can't do anything at all. He can't cope if we visit for more than an hour or so, won't have anyone else there, can't drive any more, and won't leave the house even with one of the family (we now do online shopping for him). It's sad and he's incredibly lonely and despite not really needing to, he's now asked if he can go into a care home.
Obviously, it's entirely up to your parents what they do with their lives, but if they cut off all ties to the outside world, it becomes very lonely, overwhelming, and frightening when one of them is left on their own.