AIBU to worry my retired parents never want to go out?

I'm late 60s and I sing in 2 choirs (so, weekly rehearsals and regular concerts) plus social activities connected with them. I do an art class once a week with friends all year round - and social meet-ups connected with that.

I go away for weekends with my husband and adult children frequently - but they're always quiet affairs. The most adventurous was a trip to Bruges in the spring.

I love my home, I love reading, doing paintings, listening to Radio 3, cooking and even housework. I love seeing friends for lunch and coffee and very occasional evening things...very occasional...I don't 'do' evenings nowadays unless I have my arm twisted. We do have parties several times a year, but I prefer daytime things. I can't do late nights these days.

I can't be bothered with foreign travel any more, I hate going out in the evenings, I don't like driving long distances especially in the dark. Other than that, I love my life and am always busy. I have lots of great friends and don't want for anything.

Other people are welcome to globe-trot, paint the town red in the evenings if they want, but I don't want. As long as I and my husband have our health, that's all that matters to us. We know how to have a good time in our own way, and sod anyone who thinks we should live our lives differently.

Can't remember which poster said they'd adopted an 8 year old dog but that's lovely.

Lucky dog. Enjoy ❤️

You made me laugh!!

🤣🤣

I was widowed some 15 years ago and my sib a while before that. No we are not merry murderesses just unlucky. Its a good job I wasn't looking for a replacement spouse among my kids because I have none. My sib leads a busy life too. Neither of us take holidays.

probably

And when you say ‘ heard’… is this in the same way that some people ‘ hear’ that Jesus wants them, particularly, for his very own super special SunBeam?

My recently widowed friend has just bought herself a camper van and is setting off for Northumberland (with the cat).

cancel the cheque!

You'd better contact OP then, because she's letting these unfortunate early dementia sufferers take care of her 1 year old and her 2 year old together, in their own home, for a whole day every week. And she's quite prepared to let them drive the toddlers about at well, in fact she's offered to supply the car seats.
What do you think she'd better do?

Have you???? Who told you that? Did you read it somewhere? Do you have early dementia in your family?
Do you remember Terry Pratchett? He didn't make his world smaller.

What's a salacious interest in other people's misfortunes an early sign of?

where did you hear it?

I agree with all your posts!! I don’t want ANYONE telling me how I SHOULD be living my life!!!

We do holiday several times a year but we do like being at home and one of the reasons is ? Other people 😂 entitled people, screaming kids , busy places - just can't be arsed some of the time. We buy nice food to have at home. 🤷‍♀️

I've heard making your world smaller as your parents have done is actually a very early sign of dementia.

You have a beautiful garden too!!!

I agree with everything you said!!! And you really do have a beautiful garden!!!

You are not being unreasonable to ASK them if they prefer being at home to going out or going away? You might be surprised by their answer.
You are being unreasonable to expect them to do what you think people of their age and financial circumstances should be doing

Maybe they are just done with busy places and crowds. Maybe they are in a period of just being home and in a year or two will go away travelling again.

They have worked hard, raised a family, own their own home, are financially independent and quite frankly can do whatever the hell they choose to do…or not do.

My Gran retired from teaching then went back after a year because she missed it so much. She did eventually have to retire for good because her neck was buggered and she couldn’t cope with bending down to the children’s level anymore. She then got part time jobs to keep busy like cleaning or sitting with people older than her to give relatives respite for a couple of hours. She’s also always been active in the synagogue so would go and help out there as much as possible. She couldn’t keep still.

Then Covid hit and she got severe anxiety about it, was convinced she’d die. She barely leaves the house still now. She will now let people in but she sanitises absolutely everything afterwards. She goes to synagogue once a week and the dentist / GP when required but that’s literally it. Can’t even persuade her to walk around the park next door. It’s very very sad.

For your parents I’d say it depends how they were pre-retirement. If they were once very active and now are at home constantly, that’s more worrying than people who have always preferred sitting around.

In terms of you bowing…it’s an urge that arises around SClub members of some standing. I don’t actively encourage bowing, but I can afford a small wave and a smile if I’m not too ‘busy’. It tends to happen as I’m palely loitering with my ‘Labrador’, my neighbours are used to it and don’t give it much thought nowadays, they curtsy when they give me packages they have taken in for me, too. Sweet, really.

thank you :) anybody can join our club. All you have to do is let adults of any age live the life they want to....and yes they are meant to be funny as well as angry because nose poke judgy people are funny as well as irritating.

thank you. Any further south and I would be swimming.

Limited - the last one, refusing to go in to hospital because who would have the dogs. She had cancer and her calcium levels were near death fatal. I had to move in with her dogs as she refused to consider any kennels etc, as it wasn’t fair on the dogs. She delayed going into hospital until I could get there the following day.

But even pre-cancer after her DH died she was also really lonely and couldn’t go and visit family etc because of the dogs.

Her husband missed their DGD wedding because it someone had to stay with the dogs. Don’t get me wrong, the prioritisation of the dogs wasn’t always typical, but it definitely put me off getting one too late in life

To be looking after two children you have to be very physically and mentally active. Even one day a week - I used to look after my grandson twice a week when he was little, and always needed a bit of r and r the next day.

I don't understand why you're concerned - they walk their dog, and are obviously happy. I presume you aren't concerned about any cognitive decline, as you trust them to look after your children.

As for not taking them out, that's their choice really - we did take ours out, bounce and rhyme at the library, walks in the forest, but also he was happy to be at home in the garden, doing craft activities, and playing. It's an awesome responsibility, looking after grandchildren - and there are two of them - so it's understandable if they don't want to take them out.

We probably fall into your category of not doing much now - my husband volunteers a couple of days a week at a local cathedral, I drive to see my daughter and occasionally meet her in town. In the hols I tag along on day trips with the grandchildren, which I enjoy. But we enjoy our own company, at home - reading, gardening, walking, cooking (my husband anyway) watching tv in the evening. We've both had busy careers working up until retirement - I remember those days of feeling I'd done a days work before I dropped my daughter off at school in the morning - so hectic. So to be able to chill out in the garden on sunny days, reading and pottering is bliss.

Don't worry - they sound fine to me!

Limited? Or given them the perfect excuse they seek....