AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

…and welcome to the latest thread where the OP doesn’t get the corroboration they felt entitled to so goes quiet.

I don't understand your thoughts process at all. You aren't a family. You are living with a partner who has no desire to be a stepparent. Adding further children into the mix would be downright silly and you most definitely wouldn't get your lie in. Living with him does not benefit your child in any way. He is right that you do get break from your ds in a way that other parents don't. Your job may well be stressful but so is his and your child is your responsibility.

We don’t need to imagine- it’s a very common subject and each time it’s posted, the advice is always very clear that the child is the parent’s responsibility!

2 years isn’t even that long of a relationship…and the OP appears to have an extremely limited grasp on how intense her partners life as an A&E doctor must be

Nailed it

YABU. He’s not responsible for waking up early to entertain or spend time with you and DS. It comes across as whiney and needy. If so I don’t blame him going offside.

Also sounds like you resent the status quo (could be you’re not compatible or at different life stages) but saying if you have more kids, you’ll be the one having the lie ins is childish. Surely you’d share it then as you would both have agreed to take on the responsibility.

To somehow think he owes you in such a scenario for all the times you had to get up to care for your DS is ridiculous. He doesn’t.

I think you need to accept your DP has no interest in being a father figure to your DS. For me, that would be a deal breaker and I certainly wouldn't be having children with him as the difference in treatment will be obvious and damaging. I don't think your DP is wrong necesarily, but I do think you are incompatible.

And meet them only “occasionally” too!

Posters keep saying that this man has 'chosen' to live with the OP/have a relationship with someone with a child which seems to overlook the fact that the OP has also chosen this man to move in with her and her child.

If he doesn't want to be a parent, that's his prerogative and he is beholden to nobody but himself.

The OP, on the other hand, has allowed her son to form a close parental-style attachment to a man who very clearly doesn't see himself in that role, and instead of re-evaluating her priorities, she's trying to force him to take on even more of a parental role and talking about having a child with him (literal disaster waiting to happen IMO). This is all on you OP - you are doing your son an utter disservice by continuing this relationship.

Also: you're a TA and he's a doctor in A&E but your job is stressful??

Is this a wind up?

Tbf he does do things the op is just annoyed and resentful he wasn't up at 7 am to "help her" with her son.and then have the nerve to go out and meet friends.

You have child free evenings 3 nights a week, support from your mum and a job which you can leave at work (unlike or teaching or being a doctor). Sorry little sympathy here. He is not his dad.

Of course he deserved a lie in at the weekend. He doesn't have children.

If you want a lie in at the weekend you need to look at how you parent 50:50.

If you want a weekend night out you need to make arrangements for DC dad to have him.

Imagine the reverse if a man was expecting his GF to get up and look after his child? Your DP is not your childs father.

Have you suggested things to do all 3 of you of a weekend? if he has absolutely no interest I’d end things, this isn’t the making of a family, your DS will be the one on the outside if you have a child together.

At 96% "YABU" and going by the comments, I think she's getting a similar reaction (and fairly so, IMO). But just to make it clear that it's not about father/mother expectations - it's "step parents are not parents".

Im thinking how stress free your life must be. 1 child half the week and a 9-3 TA job. You’re having a laugh 😂.

organise a fun family day if you want him around, but he’s not your childcare

Love how you say being a TA is stressful but
you make it sound like your partner - who is an A+E doctor - is living the life of Riley!

You’re right I haven’t thought of that.

Doesn’t sound like it’s working, which isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault. You not unreasonably want him to be a proper “family member”band prioritise family time over his friends . He also not unreasonably doesn’t want to parent someone else child in his “free time”, with a demanding job to contend with. Not compatible.

There are some parallels here, didn’t end well…

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5525696-aibu-to-question-what-my-fiance-expects-of-me-as-a-stepmum?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

The weekends are a red herring though because she does have a significant number of weeks in the year when she doesn’t have her child and is off during the week.

He isn’t responsible for your kid.

Plus he works in a very stressful job, he can sleep/rest all he wants on his days off.

So you get 50-% of the week off when you can do as you please (with or without your partner) a fully engaged ex, and you are expecting your Partner to not do things with friends on the days he has off? A and E is not 9-5 and you work 9-3???
Your partner is contributing financially and will engage in day trips etc… but won’t get up with your DS at the weekends. I think you are very unreasonable and have a pretty balanced life tbh!!

If I only seen my dc Friday-Monday, id want them all to myself.

Honestly? He doesnt love you and your DS as family. You are his girlfriend who happens to have a child. It's a misalignment in expectations I'm afraid.

Likewise.

There's a poster on here who's been doing fairly regular threads over a few months about her partner who resents her not getting up at the weekend to parent his child, and who leaves her looking after the child while he goes on the piss. She's always told that he's exploiting her and not to have any kids with him, which is good advice. I hope she takes it, whether this OP is her or not.