AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

I agree that he should be doing things with you and your DS sometimes on weekends. He shouldn't be doing childcare.

YABVU!!!

He's a doctor. The child isn't his. You haven't been together that long. I cannot believe you think he should be doing childcare and not seeing his friends. You have half the time away from your child already!

I honestly just don’t understand why any single adult with no kids, would voluntarily get into a relationship with someone with a three year old.

It is inevitable the parent of the child will hope everyone is going to play happy families, it is also inevitable the ‘step parent’ in this scenario is going to want to retain their freedom to do as they wish, and not start centring their life around someone else’s child (and children this age are pretty all-consuming).

I can’t really see how anyone expects this to work.

Hes right.

Do you really think your opinion is ‘information’?
OP take or leave this opinion, based as it is on about 6 sentences about your life.

Do I think he sounds a bit of a dick? Maybe.

Do I think he’s wrong? Not really. It’s your child, you have most of your week pretty free and school finishes at 3, maybe 4pm? I don’t see anything wrong in you getting up to look after your own child.

Yeah, that sounds quite reasonable. You have 50% of the week childfree already, which is more than most of us have. I wouldn’t leave my dc with someone who wasn’t their dad just to have a night out. If I only saw them 3/4 days a week, frankly I’d want to be with them, not going out getting wasted on a Saturday. I think it’s healthy he doesn’t spend every day out with you. Your kids need their mum. Not their mum on a date every Saturday.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - it doesn’t sound to me like you’re trying to offload your child on your partner, but that you want to spend some weekend time as a family, instead of your partner always going off to do his own thing. And it sounds like that isn’t the dynamic your partner is looking for. In which case he should not have moved in with you, frankly. It is just plain wrong to set up home with somebody who already has a child and expect to maintain the unencumbered lifestyle of somebody with no responsibilities. If he wanted that - and it’s not unreasonable of him to want that - then you should have stayed living separately and just seen each other in your free time.

Also wondering if this is a reverse because its so unreasonable.

Your boyfriend is right. Your child is not his responsibility. Do you live together? If so, I think you are having this discussion too late. You should have talked about this before committing to him. If you don’t live together, don’t!

as others have said, you only have your son half the time, I’m surprised you aren’t wanting to maximise the time you have with your son. A solution would be to change the contact days with your ex. They aren’t working for you. He might be really pleased to spend an extra day or two with his son at the weekend.

There was a post recently by a woman who had brought a man in to her childs life when the child was very young and went on to have a child with him.

When they split about 10 years later, she was dealing with the fallout that he no longer wanted to see the eldest (his stepchild) and it was devastating to them.

My point is that he isn't your DCs dad or steppsrent and he is making that very clear. If you split now, it will impact your child, but if you have kids with him or carry on convincing yourself and DC that you're a family rather than a woman who has two relationships under the same roof (as a mum and girlfriend) then you're making a catastrophic mistake.

He is being really clear. Whst you do with that info is up to you. But fgs don't lead your child to believe that he is a father figure because he lives there and is nice to DC.

Really your dp isn't responsible for a child who isn't his, and who has two bio parents who share care of that child 50/50.

Your partner/boyfriend works 5 days a week as an A&E physician. I think he probably deserves a lie-in on Saturdays. Watch The Pitt if you need a graphic illustration of what he is dealing with in his working life.

Your DP is not being unreasonable as your DS is your child not his.

Is there a reason why DS stays with his Dad every week and you get every weekend? Could you change the arrangement so DS gets every other weekend with you and every other weekend with Dad, then you would have every other weekend to do what you like with your DP, child free.

Team DP. Is this a reverse? Because you are so obviously unreasonable.

What on earth are you on about?

My point was that OP made the decision to have a child, so said child is her responsibility - she can't expect to palm him off on her partner because she wants even more time off than she already does (given she only does 50% anyway).

Can you change your contact arrangements so that the child’s father has him one day a weekend? The current arrangement seems weighted in his favour rather than yours? If you need time at the weekend then surely that should be dad’s responsibility not your partners?

When a stepmum posts on here that here that her DH/DP expects her to be fully involved with his kids when he has them and to give up any idea of her having her own life, the general response is that the kids are there to see their dad and while she shouldn't (obviously) be mean to them they are not her responsibility and dad should be doing most of the legwork.

Just because the sexes are reversed doesn't change the principle. He is your son and he's there to see his mum. Dp is lovely with DS, and DS loves him. That's great. But it doesn't mean DP has to take on the role of full time dad. And for someone in a demanding job like A&E having a lie in until 10.00 sounds fine. It's not like he doesn't get up until mid afternoon.

From what you've said DP isn't away every weekend and he must do quite a lot with you and your son for them to have such a good relationship. You are being unfair to expect much more. It's perfectly reasonable for him to have some freedom, and as a PP has pointed out you have a lot more freedom than he does during the week.

or, not so much a partner as a lodger with benefits

Team partner on this one. You have one son 50% of the week. Your partner is not child's Dad. You don't have a particularly stressful job. You should count your blessings.

Why should your partner look after your son? To be honest you sound lazy. He on the other hand has a stressful job and wants to see his friends to relax.

Carry on like you are and he may leave you. I was a single parent and never had any if your expectations.

If you were a man expecting your girlfriend to provide childcare you would be SLAUGHTERED on here. Your child, your responsibility (and the child's father's, of course) Honestly, you have a cheek!

Your reply is pretty basic, and doesn’t add much value. Perhaps you can expand: How do you suppose OP undoes the situation, based on your comment? (There’s no returns policy on children).

Her child's father already does 50% so it seems she wants her current partner to do childcare so she has even more time off than she already does.

No, he’s quite right. Your kid, that you only have half the week.

Yes, she wants him to be a second dad.