AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

He doesn't see you as a family. Simply his gf has a dc..

I am not usually one for men and their VIP jobs, but an A&E Dr must be pretty intense and you are resenting him a lie in and other things.
He has made his feelings clear your son is your son he hasn't been transparent, he has told you he won't babysit, he will go out occasionally with his friends and won't play happy families because you have expectations.

Hi op he is basically telling you the kid is yours and nothing to do with him. he might be nice to your ds but he’s not wanting to do family life. I would not carry on with him tbh if you have another child he will show you the difference in the love for his own kid but not for yours. He’s not wanting a blended family. You either accept this or you split up but he’s not playing dad. He doesn’t think you deserve a break.

Her DP is not her sons father His father has him 50% time.

I've seen this exact thread in reverse. The lie ins bit triggered the memory.

OP you're a TA. Is that really so stressful? Your son shouldn't be so attached to this man that he's sad he has a lie in. That's pretty nuts, especially so early in your relationship.

Why? Maybe the other doctors prefer working weekends to fit their childcare ?

You can’t compare having a child together with one that’s nothing to do with him that you have 50% of the week
don’t you get lie in when you don’t have DS

that would piss me off if you said that to me

I see your DPs point however I think you need to look at your overall arrangement with your ex. Ideally you should each get a weekend with your child. You would then have every other weekend off and get to see them during the week.

I wouldn't expect my DP to look after my child, he would offer though if I was going out and loves doing stuff with us

I’m not sure he’s done anything wrong - you both have different expectations. You want him to be ‘dad’ and he doesn’t want to

if you have kids together you need to consider how that will work for your DS

DS isn’t his child. Your DP doesn’t have children. I’m sure you enjoyed lie ins before you had kids.

I think what would help here is changing the contact arrangement with your DS’s father. Share the weekends more. Your DS’s father is currently getting all of his weekends child free. That doesn’t sound especially fair.

I think if I was in your situation I would expect my partner who lives with me to behave more like a family unit. He doesn’t think the same way, so make your decisions based upon that. If you have a child with him he is likely to treat your child very differently - or might not bother with the children at all. But he’s not going to change.

He's been quite clear, not his child, not his responsibility. You have half the week child-free to do child-free things.

Is anyone else just marvelling at the shift pattern for a technically single person with no dependents in which an A&E doctor gets to work no weekends?

And the custody arrangement in which it’s 50/50 but the same person does every weekend?

Something not quite ringing true here.

You think your BF has too much freedom?

You think your BF should get up when you and your son do for "family time"?

You expect your BF to do childcare so you can go do stuff?

You think you have a more stressful job than your bf, an ER doc?

Your son is your son, not his. Your bf is not your kid's automatic caregiver.

You seem to think your BF should be surgically attached to you and the fact is, you're a gf and he's got a life outside of you he plans to continue. You're not a family. I don't see this relationship lasting, you're very clingy and trying to get him to take on a stepdad role he's obviously not into. He's had to flat out tell you your son is your responsibility to take care of, not his.

Why does your ex not have his son some weekends?

What made you arrange it the way you have?

This is your child not his.
It is your responsibility to parent.
Why would he want to do that?

It's only foolish women on MN who get caught being free childcare for men.

If you want more freedom and to go out on weekends you need to be changing the agreement with your DS dad. You ex gets every weekend off - don't seem to mind that but resent dp for having the weekends free due to his work schedule.

He clearly IS spending some time with the child at weekends as the OP says he's very good with the child and the child loves him!

My ex has our child Fri after school which I have to bring them home first, until Sunday afternoon, and I am exhausted and stressed as lots going on, does that mean i shouldn’t be tired too.

my husband and I are a blended family - we both have children and we treat all children of the family the same when they are in our care. My sister who lived with me for a time when my children were small was a trusted adult in their life - good to them, kind, behaved in an age appropriate when around them but not obviously not their parent. Your partner is more like the latter. He makes that clear. That seems reasonable to me for a boyfriend of a few years.

Jesus Christ, you don’t see your son 50% of the week and you’re still complaining that you have to get up with him!

And you work as a TA which I know means that you’re finished work by 4pm.

I can only assume this is a massive windup but if not you are mad. Honestly I don’t know what you expected when you had kids and then got divorced! It sounds like you just want your partner to be a manny when your DS is not his child AND he’s got a horrifically stressful job!

You want a blended family.
He has a girl friend with a son.
These are not compatible.