AIBU to expect my partner to share weekend family time and childcare?

Your DP is quite right. He’s got a very stressful job and your child is not his responsibility. I’m sure you all spend time together but he should be able to go out and see his friends and get up when he chooses. Your child is not his responsibility. You’ve 3 evenings a week and it sounds like you just want a lie in, might be nice if he did it very occasionally but he’s your partner not your child’s father.

Also I think it’s a rubbish thing to say to someone that if you choose to have a child together he would do all the wake ups? Surely you’d do 50/50 because that would be very petty considering this would be a child you chose to have together, he did not decide to have your son although I’m sure he enjoys being with him.

Assuming your partner treats your child well then you just sound quite silly and resentful.

I think you and your dp have a different vision about your life together.
As people have already said, you would like him to be more of a stepfather. He thinks his girlfriend has a son and what's more, his father is fully involved.

He gets on well with your son, your son likes him. You're winning already.

If a more intimate and loving relationship is to evolve out of that, it will do so in time. Your dp is fine to see friends and pursue hobbies or have a lie in.
You have a fair amount of free time yourself.

You guys are doing ok.

This to be either a piss take or a reverse.

Yeah YABVU. You parent and work part time.

Sounds like quite a charmed life. He's good with your DC but has boundaries on parenting a DC that's not his and his 2 parents.

Yes it’s 50/50 on paper but your son is with you all day on 2 of your days and at school all of his dad’s days so that’s not fair! The split should be over the weekend so you each get one full day with your child!
If you’re not happy you get no time to yourself then you should be altering the contact pattern first

This is not the issue of the thread but I think people are underestimating the job of TA. It’s not washing paint pots and reading stories. We’re dealing with children with sometimes severe additional needs, with little or no support, getting regularly hit, kicked and bitten by children, being responsible for their safety and wellbeing including, in my experience, possibly life or death situations. And trying to educate them. All with low pay and status.

But the OP has half the week child free and one child the rest of the time so I’m not really seeing why she would be exhausted and need help at the weekends. I do think the contact should be varied so weekends aren’t always with the same parent.

The boyfriend isn’t responsible but has chosen to partner up with the parent of a young child. It’s like a wealthy person in a relationship with a less well off partner - your lives are different and incompatible unless the richer or child-free person chooses to take the hit and ‘equalise’ themselves with their poorer or child-responsible partner.

I’ve told him if we have children I’ll be having lie ins and he can do all the get ups like I’ve been doing now!

I don't think it would be wise to have children with this man.

It is highly likely that he would treat your son differently from his own kids. Think about what this would mean for your son.

Secondly, I’m not convinced that he sees you as his life partner. You could end up a single mother with 2 or more kids.

You're a TA with no childcare responsibilities for half the week. He's an A&E doctor. Are you seriously suggesting you have the more stressful job?!? 😂 Maybe watch "The Pitt".

The kid is yours, not his. How much help do you need when you already only see him half the week?!?

He has made his feelings clear your son is your son he hasn't been transparent,

Has been transparent, is what i meant

For everyone suggesting he has nothing to do with OP and her son, it’s clear OPs tone has changed since her OP.

He organises occasional days out with his friends at the weekend
Dp contributed financially and will spend days out with us

She’s literally only annoyed he won’t wake at 7 with her son, or babysit her son on the weekend.
He sounds plenty involved in their new family life in general.

He has made his feelings clear your son is your son he hasn't been transparent,

Has been transparent, is what i meant

Her child's father should be doing that, not her boyfriend.

I mean of a weekend when he’s there.

God you sound lazy.

You already only have your child 50% of the time. You work a school hours job so you have from 3pm onwards on the days your ex has your child to yourself. You have a doctor boyfriend supporting you financially.

And it's too much to wake up with your own child.

☝This. OP take this onboard.

I don't think you want dp to do all the parenting for you but to be supportive. I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who isn't supportive and caring about my needs. I imagine you aren't off out every weekend. The fact that he's said he's never going to look after your dc at a weekend just seems petty. I wonder if he'd be the same if you had children together. And for people basically saying you should never go out at the weekend and see friends in the week instead, some people are only available weekends with busy weeknights and adults tend to make weekend plans and events are usually weekends too.

@Mummsymun

You say he contributes financially. How much does he contribute? Is he supporting you financially over and above what a 50% share of living costs would be?

She already has a break 50% of the week - how much more time off do you think she needs? 😂

I think you're being unreasonable. I understand that you would like DPs support because hanging out as a new family is more fun than just on your own and DS. But it's not his child, he made it clear he doesn't want the step dad role and he has an extremely stressful job. I am sure you're tired as a TA but it will not compare to working in A&E for sure. I don't think he should change his position. If you can't accept it maybe you need to look for someone else who is keen to be a stepdad.

I would be cautious about having children with DP though. He clearly isn't a family man so I would not expect this to change with children of his own.

Having DS only Friday to Monday you should be able to cope as a single parent.

If you want some free weekend why can't you swap with his dad, i obviously don't know the ins and outs but can you not arrange it with his dad ?

He doesn’t think you deserve a break.

She has a break 50% of the week, how much more does she need?

You have three evenings and mornings a week where you don't have to parent at all. In the school holidays presumably you have 3 whole days to yourself! I would wager that's more than the average parent. I do think your custody arrangement sucks though. I would want some weekends on and some off as a parent in your situation.

That's separate from your DP, he's within his rights to live as a child free man (why you didn't have this conversation before moving in I'm not sure), and you're within your rights to accept that or not.

This just makes you sound stroppy and petulant.

He doesn't have to get up with your kid nor does he have to do any childcare. If you go on to have children together then you split it 50/50 between you 🙄he doesn't owe you years of lie-ins because you chose to have a kid.

You expect your doctor bf to give up his social life to do stuff with your kid.

You're not getting it. This is a fairly new relationship of only a couple years and you've already moved him in but he's made it quite clear your expectations are not reasonable. He's not going to take care of your son. He's not going to get up early with you. He needs decompression time and that means he's got a social life outside you and your son.

You're not a blended family. You moved a guy in who sees you as his gf who has a son that's not his responsibility, it's yours.

You're Ms Right Now, not Ms Right.

You don't like that he's not playing stepdad with your kid, break up and tell him to leave.

But he doesn’t owe you back if you have a child together simply because you have gotten up with your own child now.

You have half the week to yourself, plenty of time to see friends and lie in. Expecting your fairly short term boyfriend to regularly get up with your child so you can have a lie in is weird.

Your own OP literally confirms this is occasional, he does spend time with you, he does spend time with you and your child. He’s allowed to see friends, he is allowed freedom, he isn’t a father or even a step father.