AIBU to be cross about school dismissing my daughter's severe periods?

Some great advice above.
Tranexamic acids great for heavy periods...i had the same issue.
Get them to get her some.ibprofen or take her own.
Who the hell are they to say about individuals periods.as mine were hell at her age.
Good on you, schools now days are pathetic about sickness..illness.

My dd is similar and diagnosed with pcos in her early twenties. She has since got a myoovi period pain device, bit like a tens machine and found it really helpful for controlling the pain enough to function on bad days.

Why are we happy with ADHD meds as a rule but not other meds for kids?

Can I ask how? Genuine question. Dd has autism with associated anxiety and has been unable to attend school now for 7 months. At one point, she wasn't even leaving the house. We've done multiple anxiety workshops, talking therapy, one to one CBT and other interventions with her and still nobody is willing to even consider anxiety meds just to temporarily help her get to the point where she can re-engage with education.

How old is she?

It was. She managed to toilet train once her anxiety was reduced. Better than being utterly distressed at the idea of using a toilet and still being in nappies at 4.5yo. Nightmares and night terrors stopped. She started to be relaxed. She could enjoy life. She’s now on a different one and we’ve just had another one added in by her paediatrician. That’s along with her ADHD meds and OCP, plus twice daily antihistamines recommended by a dermatologist, and three vitamin supplements to help make up for her limited diet.

Guess she rattles. A happy healthy functional rattle. Rattle on I say.

It is an option. I am on it for it. It’s saved my sanity. Took a long time to find the right one but now my symptoms are zero.

We've had massive campaigns for understanding the menopause in the workplace - including in schools.

We have just had a massive campaign for awareness about how endo and gyny problems generally are not taken seriously by doctors and they take years and years for proper diagnosis. The average being 7 years I believe.

And yet we still have this shit show attitude to periods in schools because schools are obsessed with attendance levels and nothing else matters.

It's bullshit and I'd be telling the school exactly this and saying they are demonstrating institutional level sexism.

We have been through similar with my daughter. She is 15. The first couple of days are the worst for her where she has excruciating pain, really heavy bleeding, feeling/being sick, not able to move/eat. She also had awful moods etc. It’s awful to witness, I feel so sorry for her. The school haven’t been too bad, we’ve had a bit of backlash about attendance and I have had to put my foot down and back my daughter as she literally could not go in for the first day or two, no matter what anyone said.
We tried our GP to start with. We were given Mefenamic acid to try, which was ineffective. They then tried a mini pill which was horrific and made her depressed and anxious (did help bleeding but obviously the other side effects didn’t make this a viable long term option). We went back to the GP who prescribed something else which didn’t work. I felt like they didn’t really listen or were very interested tbh so we found a private GP who specialises in women’s health. She was fab, she asked loads of questions and genuinely seemed to want to help. We first tried a pill called Qlaira. This was really starting to help with the bleeding but caused my daughter to develop acne. Even though the bleeding and pain was better the acne cause more anxiety for my daughter so the private dr has now put her on the Lucette pill. We’ve decided the priority for my daughter is to (for now) just stop the periods. She takes the pill constantly and only has a small 4 day break if there is a breakthrough bleed (this has happened once). This has been life changing. The acne (with a gel to help) has cleared, her attendance has improved, she is more confident and going out with her friends again.
It’s à long time to find something that works, but there are more options available than I realised. I really hope you can find something to help your daughter. I found it shocking, the number of people who still seem to think it’s ’just a period’.

The school are handling it very poorly, you need to go down the complaints route.

Please start advocating for your daughter, no school or GP should be so dismissive of such severe symptoms - you sound very passive and are teaching your daughter to be the same, stand up for her and teach her how to do the same. She needs to have a say in what medications she wants to try, it’s her life being affected.

My mum was pretty unhelpful when it came to my severe period pain and I’m still angry about it 35 years on, turns out I didn’t need to suffer like I did.

You shouldn’t have to, but sadly sometimes being a nuisance and not giving up are the only ways to get meaningful action and ensure your daughter doesn’t suffer unnecessarily.

Have you tried to get a GP appointment? Have waited months on end for a referral?

Get her back to the GP @Meetmeinlove and don't be afraid of being a bit of a nuisance about this. Women and girls are often fobbed off, you need to advocate for her. Good luck.

In the meantime, have you bought her some period knickers? They are fantastic and will likely catch any leaking so that takes that worry away when she is heavy and at school. We swear by them in this house.

Let's hope it was really in her best interests

Your daughter needs a proper diagnosis.

I had horrendously painful and heavy periods from 14, even fainting at school once.

I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis as an adult after getting no support from my parents, my school and healthcare professionals for years so please take your daughter to a doctor and don't be fobbed off by anyone...

Unfortunately the medical profession has a long history of dismissing women's pain. A GP told my dsis she 'just had period pain' when she was 19. Turned out it was pelvic inflammatory disease and she ended up with one ovary removed and both fallopian tubes damaged which rendered her unable to conceive naturally. This is why when it comes to women's health, I take medical advice with a pinch of salt.

I'm pleased you'll be going back to your GP now, and I agree that the school are handling it very badly. As I said, their handling of the leaking incident could very well have made things worse for your dd - it's no wonder she's no longer going in when she has her period. I wouldnt be making her either, for the time being until she's getting medical intervention.

You left out that its the parents responsibility to ensure the child is educated.

I didn’t put my teen on antidepressants. I put her on them at 4yo. Best decision ever.

I don't think the OP is being passive. It sounds like her DD is in the early stages of this at 13 and they are still figuring out just exactly how drastic any intervention needs to be.

And yes, you do have to push at the GP to access the right care and advocate as a parent but the average timeframe for diagnosis for endometriosis is something like 9 years and GPs are reluctant to diagnose PMDD, especially in very young girls, and will very much want to watch and wait before medicating a child with SSRIs or hormonal contraception - which as the OP says are not without serious side effects.

There is a huge knee jerk reaction when children are missing school for physical or mental health reasons to solve the problem at any cost, often with powerful drugs, mainly because schools have so little flexibility and are unwilling/unable to accommodate children's health needs.

I think it's right to be cautious OP - women and girls are often expected to suck up the costs (side effects, long term harms) of powerful drugs due to a reluctance/ refusal to offer reasonable adjustments in education and work environments.

I'd get the GP to acknowledge your DD's severe physical/emotional problems around her periods and the need for timely pain meds, time out, access to clean clothes and time off etc in writing to satisfy the school and start with that while you decide if you want to push for more invasive interventions and stronger medications at this stage. Good luck.

The vast majority of people I know who have gone onto SSRIs have gained a lot of weight. Many women i was in jail with for instance. Many of them started with suicide attempts when they'd never self harmed before, even when in jail.

We didn't even get sent any work. It was like the teachers just gave themselves a 6 month holiday

Schools need to realise that endometriosis and other conditions aren’t exactly rare but can take 10 years or more to be diagnosed with. So they get away with just saying ‘periods’ aren’t an excuse, it’s appalling.

Agree.

For one thing, I was always very slender before I started SSRIs in my late twenties but ever since I have really battled with my weight. I am convinced it's part of the reason for the obesity crisis - the pills even state quite clearly that they cause weight gain.

By the way there is no 'medical team' in schools. There are first aiders. These are not interchangeable.

That was your first mistake following medical advice